Ramen!

Japanese strawberry shortcake is in a league of its own (I would argue pastries regardless of where they originated from are best in Japan - they know how to take stuff from elsewhere and make it better!):

Vending machine corn soup - I kid you not:

* Photo by Cameron, San Francisco.

Lupinas. Let's say it again. Le Pee Nas.

Lupinas?!

* Sakuragaoka, Tokyo

Attractive:

Tokyo's classy Sentaagai area:

Edward helps lady whose stilleto was stuck in the grate:

I'm a real gentleman:

So it doesn't count that you pushed her into the grate right?

Wiiiiiiiiiii!

I love Tokyo~~~~~~~~!!!

Function Junction, baby!

Group shot:

Don't know if I've ever eaten a $200 melon but Japanese melons are hands down the best melons I've ever had. I'm certain this melon was delicious.

Even in Tokyo (Omotesando) I had to document Kate Moss - just in case she wasn't documented enough already:

I may or may not have recently purchased this Kate Moss necklace:

* Shibuya Sentaagai, 12.06

The line at Midori Zushi - Jonah's circled:

Finally, sushi!

Sushi delight!

Snap! Back to eating...

Sushi serious eating time:

P.S. What's your favorite sushi place?? NYC and beyond, please!

When you buy $500 worth of t-shirts and sweatshirts in one store, in one fell swoop, the excitement (yay! I don't have to shop for a long time and these clothes are awesome!) and nervousness (did I make a $500 mistake?!) make you do the new clothes dance:

Bonus tip: Watch my mom's disapproving expression in the third frame.

* Our apt in Tokyo, 12.06.

I'm not going to the DC Comics headquarters and to the hospital, silly!

Ugh. Make me stop. And my insomnia induced stomach-ache.

* Shanghai, in a busy KFC.

I am seriously coveting these items. I saw them in Shanghai and thought the 900 or so RMB price tag (roughly $110 US) was a good price for the whole set until I discovered it was just for the teapot. The tea cups are pricey too.

But aren't they beautiful and cool??!! I'd love to get my greedy little paws on these beauties!

Had a short but sweet reunion with Amy Wood in Shanghai and here is the photo shoot by Jonah!

Don't forget to pick me up some chicken feet, k?!...is how the saying goes...

* Shanghai, China 12.06

Some photos of this little awesomeness:

* Ochanomizu sushi bar, Tokyo, Japan 12.06.

Oh, right! Silly me, I hung them out to dry!

* Taken in Shanghai's French Concession 12.06.

Once in a while I actually love a photo of myself - one such photo has come along:

* Taken by Jonah just outside of Shanghai's newly relocated illegal market with pirated DVDs, fake bags, watches, clothes etc - like Canal Street but literally underground.

* At Steakhouse Hama in Roppongi, Tokyo, 12.06.

** We leave for the airport in a few minutes...blog you soon!

or rather...working it !!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA!

* Photos by Jonah from my visit to my mom's well-frequented hair salon in Shanghai.

** Am currently tired and tipsy after a day at Kamakura and after a feast at Steakhouse Hama in Roppongi...good night!!

My parents made a great decision by buying an apt here. After delicious food and drink tonight, going to bed...on (real Japanese) futons.

A few seconds before this happened:

Last Saturday, after a ferocious celebration on Friday night of a certain event which I am not yet at liberty to tell, we headed to the country in search of a fun time checking out country houses - this is a New Yorker's idea of window shopping.

But of course we first had to suffer through the rental car experience...so much apathy behind the counter, so much frustration in front of the counter. Remember, we were also "reduced" that day thanks to secret celebration the night before (stay tuned, the reason will be told!).

My head hurt which made it harder for me to be the charming 'backseat driver in the passenger seat' person that I am but I managed.

Even though it was a sporadically rainy day the drive up was beautiful:

Duncan our happy navigator was also in on the celebration hence the red eyes and hanging-on-for-dear-life expression:

We were an hour and a half from the city and there were trees. Trees! TREES!! We talked a lot about trees that day:

We met with the broker to see the place that looked good to me online - what they call a log home - there's the old nestler!

Except it wasn't that much of a nestler you see - notice the road - this was a major dissapointment as my whole point of a country house is to leave the city noises such as cars, behind. Also, the cabin albeit cute on the outside would have needed work on the inside - not a perfect fit:

Canadian flag:

It had a cute shed:

And better yet, just behind the house, atop the hill was a treehouse! Well, a treehouse platform.

Treehouse shenanigans:

There would never have been enough goading to get me up there:

Never:

The view from the bottom of treehouse if you're too scared to climb up :

Orchards!

View from the treehouse:

Zoomed in:

When the broker realized I wanted to be as far away from the street as possible she showed us a plot of land for sale, further in from the raod and adjacent to the log home land - they are for sale together if anyone's interested! - I work on commission.

The only problem with this land was that there was a McMansion (ok, almost a McMansion but not quite - still offensive though) bordering one side of the land. We realized it would be possible for the devoted to buy both plots and carve out a different entrance to avoid ever seeing the McMansion - it would still keep me up at night though - but otherwise the land was ideal:

The path in:

Cute mushrooms grow wildly in the country!

The beautiful view from within plot of land:

Assessing the situation - so if we went in on this together, how much would it cost to buy both plots of land, have the cabin be for guests and build a dream cabin here?!

More awesome tall trees!

Needless to say we left the country empty-handed but exploring the country and country houses sure is fun - highly recommended activity for city mice!

The End:

* Red Hook, NY in Dutchess County.

I miss my twin. Not only does she live on that other coast, she's been traveling in Thailand for the last month. Here are some photos she sent me - enjoy the beauty, wonder and hilarity that is Flatty! And Thailand of course.

Pretty lady, pretty architecture:

This is an indigenous flower called the Purple Rain flower:

What???!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!

Nature:

Andrea has always loved cows - look at her expression:

All through high school her bedroom was decorated with cow posters, cow stuffed animals, cow ceramic art:

Get it out girl. Get it out:

Aka - Please don't do the nasty in here. Thank you.

Near naked in the fields - you know, it's a blonde custom to do when visiting Thailand:

Nature:

Get it out! Lube it up if ya have to!!

Flatty needs a break. She needs a break!

Big animal, brave man:

Flatty the Forest Nymph:

Andrea's fearless (fearful?) friend Dede with a big kitty:

The End:

Thanks to Dede for taking these great photos! Miss you much, Flatty!

Ladies who asked where I got this cute cherry blossom suitcase, congratulations on also having good taste and good sense enough to want to purchase this baby. Flight 001's where I got it - it looks like you can order online too. It's a great weekend trolley - small enough to carry on too! Be prepared for airport security people to tell you how happy it makes them to see this suitcase after seeing the same black trolleys over and over again. Love this luggage!!

It was our first time in Montréal and it met our high expectations. Now how often does that happen to a jaded New Yorker?? Not often and for that, merci Montréal.

F walking! Airport shuttle it!

Digimart put up Jonah (and me, parasitically) in the lovely boutique Hôtel Godin:

Concrete never looked so good until it was the ceiling of the room:

Who's got the cutest suitcase? Me.

Foliage!! Nature!! Montréal!!

Rue de Boullion!!

How could this not be my favorite rue in Montréal??

A tree grows in Montréal and it gets hugged:

Cute Montréal architecture:

My favorite restaurant in Montréal:

The main drag:

I like this! Sold!

Weirdos on their way to dinner:

Sans Menu on the Western side of Montréal was just right - good food, wine and great laid-back atmosphere:

The lighting was romantical:

The company was delectable:

Oops. Hunger was prioritized over documentation:

Montréal's Old Town:

More Old Town:

Is this getting Old yet? Arrêt, I tell you, arrêt!

Cuteness that only a European city provides:

Nice-looking restaurant we didn't eat at:

Souvenir for your boo:

Souvenir for your biyatch:

Between the Old Town and the pier:

Old grainery across the way:

Jonah points out the weird architecture across the way:

It would be cool if the Canadian flag had some blue in it...and some stripes perhaps...and to top it off, some stars...ha ha ha ha ha!!

After spending a wonderful weekend in Montreal I am heading home to NYC today. Why was I in Montreal? I was tagging along to Jonah's speaking engagement at Digimart, a conference about new modes of digital distribution. It begins today and if Jonah has anything to do with it, it will be a great conference. If you're in the very nice and cool city of Montreal that I had the pleasure of meeting this weekend, check out Digimart:

Photos from Montreal are forthcoming!

Another beautiful day in Yosemite:

Meet the Griswalds:

When biking, never forget your sunscreen! And always err on the side of a tad too much:

What's all that dirt on my brother's leg? Oh nevermind, that's the beginning of his leg sleeve tattoo. My parents are excited:

Girl power biking team:

Boy power:

I've gone to Yosemite every summer and it's splendor has never let me down:

Even the paths are pretty:

It's fun being at the front of the group, isn't it?

Yes it is!

You never want to let them get any closer than this:

Who says guys can't multi-task? They're biking, breathing and in the middle of pirate joke #576:

What is this I spot??

I do believe it's a deer:

There's nothing like a swim in the Merced River after biking:

Even though there was 'a little situation' as Jonah's back got scratched up again. What happened was Jonah emerged from underwater to find the pitbull that never stopped swimming in the river, swimming/climbing on his back. Ow:

Does this photo leave you wanting more rock?

P.S. Our friend Duncan climbed to the top of El Cap. Pretty cool and crazy.

My grandmother Nahna's house atop a mountain, where she lives with her guns, dogs, cat and 'tude:

She's got lovely views:

And a cute little tack room:

She also lives with framed messages encouraging laziness like this:

And a giant bear:

And a pretty cool plaque!

And a scary sign...now we know one culprit!

At all times, Nahna has two dogs: 1) a bigger dog that pretty much stays at the top of the mountain, protecting her and the house (in the past she's had a german shepherd and an alsatian, currently a lab mix, always from the pound) and 2) her smaller dog that travels with her everywhere and this woman truly travels everywhere. Sadly, her last dog Penny died. She loved her so much she adopted another one (the one pictured here) that looks just like the former Penny and her name is Penny 2.

Penny 2 in camoflouge mode:

Penny 2's ready for her close-up and for a new, more individual name:

'Top of the mountain' dog Shiloh chills in a tiny stream after a long chase:

Another thing my grandmother always has is a cat named Kitty. Hey, look at the camera!

Why do cats never do what you ask them to do??!!

There's my cutie cat:

A monster:

Here's the indoor pool (the outdoor one was clawed and ruined by a bear). This pool hasn't been used in a while but it was the scene of many years of summer fun including one year when all the fun and games resulted in someone getting hurt. My brother came up from under the water just as the pool swing was swinging at him and it cut open the back of his head and if you've ever experienced or witnessed a head injury, it bleeds...a lot. Emergency room and stiches. No fun.

My demonstration for size:

Nahna! You have got to pick up after yourself!!

And that was your little tour of my grandmother's house by your favorite nature people:

These horses belong to people who live near the bottom of our ranch (like how I subtly made us sound better and them lesser?) but I like taking pictures of them as if they're ours.

Pretty right? I mean the horses.

Hey, pretty lady...

Sometimes fouls sleep laying down:

Even if it looks really scary and the other horses seem concerned, don't panic.

Psst. Photography tip: If you forget to zoom out before taking a photo you might just end up with a masterpiece on your hands:

* Labor day weekend '06

It was the 50th anniversary party for the ranch and we were partying!

And I knew I wouldn't have to handle any of my problems that day (located in my grandmother's bathroom):

It looked like we had company!

And more company!

It was a ____ caught in __________!

We drove down to the lower ranch where the party was on the back of my grandmother's truck. I have so many childhood memories of riding in the back of her truck - too many cousins to fit in the front and she preferred us in the back anyway. As a 30 year old, it physically hurt a bit more than I remembered:

Trees and sky. Wasn't so into it when I was a teenager but now I'm an aficionado:

Run Penny 2!

Penny 2 as always, ran like the wind and followed us. The origins of her name will be divulged tomorrow.

Poison oak. When my brother lived at the ranch during a brief stint in high school he got a poison oak rash in a less than ideal place. Jonah asked him, "what were you doing, Ed?" Silence.

Me and the lady of the mountain, my grandmother Carol Harner, aka Nahna. If I'm as fiesty as she is in her mid-80s I will be delighted...and fiesty.

Jonah rocking at Carol's Country Club:

Nahna set up an incredible little museum of 50 years of ranch memorabilia. Uncle Mark, a museum goer:

Some other museum goers:

Cute. At least what I consider cute:

Introducing my Aunt Suzi who always means business. And by that I mean family business. She has never, not even once, not sent me a birthday card, graduation card, etc. Yay Aunt Suzi!

The lower pond:

Cousin love - we're a family of visor heads:

There are old trailers laying around:

Jonah and mini trailer for size:

Inside the trailer-camper is a little spot for a spot of tea:

We also have a fine display of racist art - come check it out sometime!

Mother and daughter photos never tire! (for mother and daughter at least...)

Hanging out:

Aiden! You've got a big stick!

Guy with gun on right. Guy with fanny pack on left:

It was so hot this was the closest we could get without feeling heat:

Hello. My name is Mark.

More hanging out:

My dad the Rockstar Energy drink-drinking cowboy:

Gettin' dangerous on the ATV:

Where's Jonah?

Uncle Mark on an ATV date:

My dad is a gun-shooting conservative:

Jonah is a gun-shooting liberal:

My brother Ed is a middle of the road, nearly naked spectator:

Cousin Jessica holding the Chuck It, a great invention because you don't have to touch the slobbery ball and super dog Gracie who will chase a tennis ball 24/7:

The ball is chucked and Gracie is in the weeds and barely breathing:

Eyes always on the prize:

Good dog!

Amazing Gracie, you are ready for your close up and a rest!

Jonah's sick of pictures and ready for a rest too:

At the end of the day we went to the hippest cafe in town. Well, the hippest cafe that stays open until 8 pm.

Happiness is Mariposa, CA indeed!!

Thanks for the fun times, family!

* Labor Day Weekend 2006

We touched down in Oakland and within an hour our eyeballs were feasting on this!

Then my paws were all over it:

And then my mouth cavity was all into it:

For the record, In n Out burgers are my favorite burgers.

And I really don't need to be challenged on this.

* Near Oakland airport over Labor Day weekend 2006.

If you like this post, digg it!

A great piece from The Economist: In-flight announcements are not entirely truthful. What might an honest one sound like?

"GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The flight attendants are now pointing out the emergency exits. This is the part of the announcement that you might want to pay attention to. So stop your sudoku for a minute and listen: knowing in advance where the exits are makes a dramatic difference to your chances of survival if we have to evacuate the aircraft. Also, please keep your seat belt fastened when seated, even if the seat-belt light is not illuminated. This is to protect you from the risk of clear-air turbulence, a rare but extremely nasty form of disturbance that can cause severe injury. Imagine the heavy food trolleys jumping into the air and bashing into the overhead lockers, and you will have some idea of how nasty it can be. We don't want to scare you. Still, keep that seat belt fastened all the same.

Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft's navigation systems. At least, that's what you've always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn't sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.

On channel 11 of our in-flight entertainment system you will find a video consisting of abstract imagery and a new-age soundtrack, with a voice-over explaining some exercises you can do to reduce the risk of deep-vein thrombosis. We are aware that this video is tedious, but it is not meant to be fun. It is meant to limit our liability in the event of lawsuits.

Once we have reached cruising altitude you will be offered a light meal and a choice of beverages—a word that sounds so much better than just saying ‘drinks’, don't you think? The purpose of these refreshments is partly to keep you in your seats where you cannot do yourselves or anyone else any harm. Please consume alcohol in moderate quantities so that you become mildly sedated but not rowdy. That said, we can always turn the cabin air-quality down a notch or two to help ensure that you are sufficiently drowsy.

After take-off, the most dangerous part of the flight, the captain will say a few words that will either be so quiet that you will not be able to hear them, or so loud that they could wake the dead. So please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. We appreciate that you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing Veritas, a member of an incomprehensible alliance of obscure foreign outfits, most of which you have never heard of. Cabin crew, please make sure we have remembered to close the doors. Sorry, I mean: ‘Doors to automatic and cross-check’. Thank you for flying Veritas.”

Someone loves ice cream and she's in this picture:

Andrea, Edward and an unidentified, curious party at Hanauma Bay:

Syuri wins cutest smile:

Edward gets an A for effort:

It's easy to miss Hawaii:

My preferred applied sunscreen pattern:

Syuri and her band:

Girl power:

Gross power:

You can never be too old to harass nostrils:

Or youthful cheeks:

Nahna's glasses represent!

Introducing the newleyweds, The Hams:

Thanks to my godbrother Hiromi Yoshida for the cds of pics!

...and we are headed back to NYC. Thanks to aviation technology for making this possible and to Court TV and Animal Planet for making it a joy.

Full disclosure: I was wearing flip-flops so perhaps they wouldn't be as lenient with sneaker-wearers but it's worth a try or further honing of the method.

Even more full disclosure: I grew up in Japan (thank you fate/parents!) so I have a remarkably different view of cleanliness than most Americans do. Similar minded folks or full on OCD sufferers, try this new strategy!

I tried walking through security without taking off my shoes and when they insisted, I took my left foot out of my flip-flop, and swung it up in the air saying, "I HAVE A TOE FUNGUS." I thought that would be enough but damn, with the recently increased measures it wasn't. I repeated, " I have a fungus" and threw in "with an open wound" and unless they offered me slippers I couldn't let my foot touch the bare floor. So instead I was asked to sit in a chair while they screaned my flip-flps and my feet never touched the dirty floor.

This photo represents the exact opposite of my current surroundings as I wait amidst lifeless workers, flourescent lighting, loud, barely comprehensible pa announcements and no cuteness whatsoever, for the second hour in JFK's terminal 6 for my delayed flight. Flowers, life!, sweet sweet dog, cuteness!, nice feelings all around:

I got sick of whining for In 'n Out Burgers to no avail and Jonah got sick of me whining so we're off to California, in search of those elusive burgers I love so!
We will be eating burgers and visiting family through Tuesday. Happy Labor Day weekend, readers! You deserve a break!!

* taken several years back on a family trip to the fantastic city of Lijiang, China.

For my 30th birthday Jonah and I went to Miami!

South Beach baby!

Look at that delicious ocean!

See how clear the water is?

I realized early on that I am a water creature. Like a fish out of water that's just been returned to the ocean/the fishbowl/the river, I was so fucking happy and relieved to be in water:

But my eyeballs are more of the delicate human kind:

Get away from me while I'm peeing! J/K. I've never ever peed in the ocean.

Jonah's more like an amphibian but he was loving it too:

This is an advertisement for marriage & visors:

Note that the further out people went, the shallower it got - it was surreal:

If you're looking for a good pose you can always fall back on, try this Japanese inspired classic!

The type of beach I love - with beach chairs and umbrellas. The Hotel was great in that included in your price of stay are complimentary beach chairs and umbrellas:

A bunch of beach bums:

A perfectly nice butt:

Hey, Baywatch!

Pam?? Carmen?? Hoff, you there??

You have to love Miami dolls girls - bleached blonde, all smiles, hot pink lipstick, sunglasses, nails and bikini:

After a day at the beach we checked out Miami architecture - don't knock the deco!

Many of the buildings in Miami also change colors:

They think it's worth the money:

Obviously it is:

The first night we went to a Cuban diner/restaurant and ate terrible bread and salad and terrific shrimp in garlic sauce:

You can all thank my camera for its self-timer function - without it you wouldn't have this special picture (Todd Oldham tie-dye robes are yours to roll around in while staying at the Todd Oldham designed The Hotel):

On the second day it started storming at about 2 pm.

I just didn't want to buy it.

The clouds don't say t-storm do they?

It's like when your bangs are all blowing one way:

Thank god for Jonah who's blessed with the ability to anticipate so he said, we should leave the beach soon and head to a cafe before all these people do the same. Sad to say, had he not suggested that I would have been the last person on the beach, blindly believing that maybe, just maybe the storm wasn't approaching after all.

Even though this was what the beach side of the sky looked like...

The storm was just minutes away and as foreseen, the exodus from the beach to the cafes started right after we nestled in at the News Cafe where we ate and drank a girly drink and a unisex drink:

My solo wet t-shirt contest - winner!

Post-storm sky:

Post-storm ocean:

Post-storm beach:

Post-storm lonely lifeguard station:

Post-storm swim face-lick:

Off to our fancy dinner at Big Fish:

Thankfully our cab driver knew exactly where it was because it seems a bit hard to find. In case you're lost with a cabby you can pound on the back of his seat and scream, there's a three foot wide neon sign of the outline of a fish! Can't you find it?? I know we're in a city of neon but it's of a fish!! and you'll find it in no time:

Fresh made tagliatelle with lobster, shitake mushrooms and truffle butter - quite good although a little too salty:

Jonah's was delicious - Black ink linguini with scallops & asparagus and saffron sauce:

View from table:

Across the street from the restaurant was another changing color building:

It's a night club - the sort of place I don't ever ever ever go to anymore:

And then there was the rooftop pool which was truly spectacular. Clean, nicely designed, view of the ocean, nice staff, delicious frozen mojitis:

From the other side:

I really should have had a visor on! 30 years old and wrinkles accumulating!

More floating - I only recently accomplished floating so...

Jonah was reading a book that was getting on his nerves - psssttt - Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, it's subject is enticing but it's poorly written by a guy who may have narcissistic personality disorder:

Pool time is happy time!

The pain in the ass nasal spray needed chilling so we gave it some ice and a mint leaf from our mojito - a spray-ito!

On our last night we went to have dinner with a family friend who loves roses so we were off to the flower shop - flowers sure are pretty!

This nipped at me when I got close:

Here's what you'll get for $50 in Miami - it was tremendous and very heavy:

All trips come to a jarring end at a terminal gate. Miami airport was filthy - there was a little mousy:

A woman screamed and ran away when she saw this little fella.

As a New Yorker (it's just a mouse, it's not even a rat, lady) and a photographer, I was unfazed and poised to snap photos - mice are very fast and little point and shoot digital cameras can't keep up very well:

Since we've been back, Jonah and I have been busy eating lots of candy:

* Miami is special! It doesn't quite feel like you're in America.

** We booked our flight and hotel through travelocity (not so with Tra....velocity!) which had decent package prices.

*** If you're audio sensitive/can be difficult about noise, you should pack a pair of earplugs. The Hotel as all the hotels in the area and architecture in the tropics are constructed with thin walls.

* Jonah (left) implores me, "Girl, your ass has never looked so good and I know it's not just that bow. Tell me about the butt implants - I'll never tell."

1) Dia: Beacon is a fun museum worth visiting.

2) If you must stay overnight in the town of Beacon, stay at the Botsford Briar Inn - this bed & breakfast is an anomaly in an otherwise desolate town - I'm being a little harsh here but trust me - it's not worth trying to disprove me - trust me again.

3) "Appy Hour" is the way to eat! No more entrees! No more entrees! No more entrees! Appetizers all the way while loudly proclaiming the virtues of "appy hour" to your server! "You don't have appy hour??!! What a shame. I'll have to create it myself then! Apps and only apps and more apps please! It's..........appy hour!!"

4) Cold Spring, NY is a 5 minute train ride south of Beacon and is bumpin' in comparison - antique shops and cute restaurants all along the slightly suspect Hudson River - what's the 411 on the river? Clean? Safe??

5) Cars. You know the big things that contain an engine that can transport you from place to place faster than on foot and storage space that you take for granted until you find yourself dragging around all your luggage? They're are a great thing. Although it's possible to just take the Metro-North up there, walk to your hotel and walk around places, rent a car.

Thanks to Jonah, Chelsea and Della for a fun weekend!

It was July 4th weekend and we were off to the Berkshires - we had never been there so we were going to share in the fun of exploring together - or so I thought. Once we got there Jonah realized, "oh, I have been here!" Great...

Nature - opening shot:

First stop was Mass Moca because we were sick without art - j/k. - like really really j/k. We got there in the evening and noticed it so stopped by.

Oooohhhh, arty shot from behind, Dre!

Our friend Natalie Jeremijenko's upside down trees!

Jonah didn't realize how he inspired me here...

Until I did this funny move:

There's only so much art you can take so we went in search of Jay-Z cds. We stopped at Walmart and discovered that they were all censored cds so in tremendously effective protest we didn't buy anything. We did however notice that a bird lived in the A:

Thank god for Best Buy, we had uncensored tunes to get us to putt-putt!

We weren't going to be fooled by their tricky course.

All lined up - lookin' good, Dre!

Hhhhhmmmmm:

This is what is called an air putt or what Jonah calls a practice swing:

Jonah slapped himself a few times and got serious:

And looked towards the mountains in search of his ball:

FYI - I lost to Jonah by 6 points. I'm pretty sure he cheated by 7 points.

The following morning we set off to our primo destination - Shaker Village! You heard correctly...

While there, we seriously contemplated celibacy since the Shakers lived that way and wondered, "is it so different from our lives now??" ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!!

We asked the guide all dressed up (more like dressed down!) like a Shaker what the biggest scandal to rock the Shaker community was and he answered with a story about two Shakers in love, taking the train up to Albany and getting married. Once married however they were filled with such remorse that they hung out in the lobby of the hotel all night so that there wouldn't be any mistaking that they did not consumate their marriage. Supposedly the guy was so guilt-ridden he returned to the Shaker community that morning and the woman took the $10,000 they had embezzled from the community stash and took off, never to be seen again!

That was what we needed to know so then we were off!

No American holiday weekend is complete without a car show!!

We searched for a car for me - either a Jag XJS or an MG Roadster, I'm flexible - but unfortunately they were mostly all American cars:

Makes me proud to be American:

Can't not love this - it's purple:

Owner of this car's a big skiier:

I wanted what Granny had:

We were a bit concerned but not enough to investigate - buffalo wings called:

We ended that day by drinking beer and eating buffalo wings at the pub across from the inn where we stayed - we're married, what do you expect us to do? Party?!

The following morning we were off to Waconah Falls! I love love love love love waterfalls.

Snowmelt feels cozy:

Fellow Americans:

A forest nymph:

We then went biking!

I especially enjoyed leaving Jonah in the metaphorical dust and gloating!!

I even had time to admire the shadows:

Now can you see him??

My view while biking - his view was a still-life:

Although he was gaining speed...

Poor me didn't know he was getting closer...

Check out his shadow's body language!

And then I heard a super annoying, "ON YOUR LEFT!"

And then it was his turn to gloat:

And enjoy his view and mess up mine - not that we're competitive:

Friendly tip - if you're deathly allergic to bee stings like yours truly, it's good to wear bright colors that attract bees like a flourescent orange skirt as pictured and to forget your epi-pen:

Who doesn't love gooses geese on a lake?

And purple flowers?

Oh my god! What happened to the background??!!

White flowers:

After biking and smelling photographing the flowers along the way, Pecks Falls was our next destination and second waterfall in one day!!!

They were beautiful:

And I was cold!!

But I knew I had to brave it:

Even as I got numb and number:

Because it is almost always worth it:

JP was ready:

Looking brave, Jonah!

Frozen pensive moment - he might have been peeing here:

He was fine!

Nature - closing shot:

* Thanks to me for my ingenuity to finally google, "html for crossing out words" and discovering the STRIKE TAG!!! Get used to a lot of crossed out words, bitches!! Please bear with me while I overuse this great html tag for a while!!!

** Thanks to the friendly guy at Berkshire Outfitters (not at all like Urban Outfitters, people!) for the Pecks Falls tip!

Let dogs make love to them:

* On aforementioned trip to the country! Well, Boston.

While white girl rapping "Mo Money, Mo Problems". It's not embarassing at all:

* Taken during last weekend's trip to the country! Well, Boston.

I've birthed again - the whole birthing process for me is like a stroll through the park with just the right ratio of sun to shade:

The Pro-Suffocation Lobby says this is ok:

What's wrong??!!

WHY DO YOU HATE ME ALREADY??

I suppose he'd rather be with his original family:

Hannah and John, Tex is very very cute but watch out for what really comes out of me!!

* from this weekend with Celeste & Mary in Boston!! More pics to come.

We brought City Kitty Greta to the country!!

Let me out~~~~

We reached Jersey Sky so we let her out:

She was pissed about the cage...until...

She discovered that she was going on her first ever leash walk!!

And she was psyched. Total walk time: under two minutes.

While on the walk, I took a poop, Chinese kid style.

Meet Baxter, the perpetually out of focus dog of the farm!

Emily & Baxter, Best Friends Forever although Baxter will forever be in Emily's shadow...literally.

Oh! 3 o'clock! Time to kiss Baxtie!

When you molest the dog enough he'll get you back by licking your face:

Onto a badminton lesson!

Unattractive Badminton:

Bad Form Badminton:

Fierce & Sexy Badminton:

'Actually Can Play Badminton' Badminton:

Colorful Clothes Badminton:

Intimidation Badminton - bad sportsmanship:

That was as far as he was willing to move for the shuttlecock. Let's all say shuttlecock!!

Time for a hike, rather a nature walk!

This gives you a general idea of what nature looks like:

There are flowers in the country!

And they are always in twos!

Except for this exception:

Aaaawwww:

Trees plus flowers!

Only time sneakers look good:

In nature, next to flowers:

Tree condom:

Tree vericose veins. Trees are really just like you and me.

Apparently in nature, Jonah and I look tired:

Onto the pool!

Jonah far away:

Jonah close:

Jonah at medium distance away - wasn't that fun?!

Sheep shenanigans in the shade:

When the sheep arrived we all secretly envisioned ourselves as Sheep Whisperers:

The biggest dork that ever lived. The sheep, that is:

Cutest sheep close-up and close-up of sheep drool on window:

Best impression by sheep of the cute dog head tilt:

Best postured sheep:

Sheep butt! Ha ha, made you look.

More butts!! I'm deeply in touch with my inner child.

Sheep Glamour Shot:

Susan plants one...on what looks like her reflection:

Jonah holds (sheep) court:

Jonah negotiating:

The most well-behaved sheep of the lot:

The drowning of Susan minus 3 seconds:

The saving of John by CPR minus 3 seconds:

Proof of recycling behavior - yay!

Cutest photo of the weekend - Susan, John & Baxter:

Thanks to Susan Short & John Johnson and Joyce and Seward for a sheep-tastic time!

Look at this beauty:

Complete with an offensive female character hanging from it:

And here's the scooper, a real worker bee!!

I'm enrolling people in my 'ear cleaner rotation program' so if you want to give it a go, send me your contact info!

I really racked my brain wondering what I would have done had I been assigned the seat next to this guy. Keep in mind that his body mass also extended out of his seat area on the other side, not seen in this photo. As close as we've become over the years I don't feel able to share with you my thought process.

You could say I was surprised when at the end of the flight a little female NYU student with nose ring and ipod emerged out of the seat next to him. Understandably she had gone into 'shrink yourself to a third of your size' mode and most likely punched herself in the face to go into to 'pass-out' mode.

* Flight back from LA on Hawaii trip.

Look at how out of sync they were:

This was the most together they ever got:

Guess which dancer was the most elegant and skilled? Hint: The one opening her legs least.

As I child I flew a lot and fortunately, most often on Singapore Airlines. While that airline still seems like the best, I discovered a pretty cool airline flying from LA to Honolulu...can you guess which one??

Hawaiian Air!! Where everything is purple!

I saved these purple utensils and put them on my mantel and gaze over at them and cry with joy every few days:

HAWAII!!!

The light!!

Darker:

Dark:

Green:

Greener:

Aaaahhh:

You kill me!

With such pretty pay phones it's no wonder you'd be a meth dealer conducting business from these phones and contributing to the horrific meth (aka ice) problem in Hawaii.

This was the beach, Waikiki Beach, that we couldn't go in because it was contaminated from a recent sewage spill:

Me and my bro, he's tanning, I'm hiding:

There are a lot of old limos that are used as cabs in Hawaii.

First in the series of limo as background is me and the OG (my ojichan-godfather that Jonah nicknamed the OG as in Original Gangster):

Me and my dear obachan-godmother, the classiest, most lovely lady I've ever known:

Me and Syuri, my older godbrother Hiromi's extremely precocious and charming four year old daughter:

Series: Syuri modeling hats in limo:

You have a lot of series in this post, you say?

Yes!!

One of two in the series of her shoving stuff up her nose. She was after my heart:

I only used this earplug once after she did this. And then I threw them out!

The tall building behind the Louis Vuitton store was my favorite.

This is what Syuri thinks of that building and my commentary on it:

This is a Monkey Pod tree. It's the OG of trees.

First in the series of 'When you ask a random person to take a photo for you they'll often suck at it'. What's that space to the right??

My signature shot:

Ed and Syuri had a swingin' time!

Swinging makes Syuri dizzy:

Really dizzy:

Pineapples come from the ground and not from trees, people!

Brave demonstration for size:

On the biggest tourist trap of an attraction, the Dole Pineapple Plantation Train Tour, I saw the thinnest farmer and horse I've ever seen:

Syuri checking out Ed's panties:

She wouldn't let go:

They made up quickly as everyone should after getting sexually harassed:

And rolled around in bed. Let's hope this is the most rolling around in bed with a boy that Syuri does for a loooong time:

On a road trip to the North Shore...you gotta install the Japanese speaking navigation system!

Americans in the back:

Rainbow front and center!

Tards at Kaihlua Beach:

My younger (of my two godbrothers) godbrother Yasushi, his very tanned skin and two bright floaty things:

Me, my bro and Yasushi's fiance Keiko whom we met for the first time on this trip. Don't worry, we liked her otherwise we would have drowned her.

White smiling girl and Dark smiling guy:

Why do I look pale?

Keiko and Yasushi, very cute and very near:

Keiko and Yasushi, very far:

Garlic Shrimp on the North Shore!!

Truly delicious, shell and all:

Second in the 'When you ask a random person to take a photo for you they'll often suck at it' series.

Here's the OG on the Beach series.

As eyes can tell, the beach is his element:

Look! It's like we're in Japan!

Ramen!

And more ramen! There can never be enough!

Japanese porno. $60 a pop. It's expensive for the good stuff!

Sweet statue:

Scratch & Sniff it:

Here we are, looking like it's me, my husband and daughter!

Sometimes you forget to zoom back out:

Fancy diner and dinner:

My brother got so spoiled on this trip that he refused to ride with us and rented his own limo to "stretch out his arms and legs". I quickly took a picture before I went back to the other limo:

I fought to have him share his limo to the airport with me:

My godmother and Syuri had folded cranes and instead of throwing them out, my godmother wrote a very elegant note thanking the hotel staff and asking them to please enjoy the cranes - you can't make up this classiness and kindness.

So let me piggyback off that and say thanks for enduring this neverending post!

Great, it's yours!

You can pick it up in room 910 of the Imperial Hawaii in Waikiki, Honolulu.

Be warned: When you sit on a plane for many hours such as I did (11 hours to Hawaii, 9.5 hours on the way back) your butt and tailbone will be sore two days after you get back.

As I was packing to leave, I stubbed my little toe, the nail cracked in half right down the middle (I would never spare you the important details, my fine fans - photos to follow. JK Rowling!) and blood spurted out all over the hotel carpet.

When asked to take off my shoes at airport security (of course I had on my gladiator resembling birkenstocks that you can't hide anything in - they're silver btw) I pointed at my feeble toe and said, "My toenail cracked in half so I don't think I should get it near this floor."

And that was it!!

I highly recommend nearly destroying your pinky toe to avoid the nonsense and nuisance of taking your shoes off for airport security.

The eating of French food is great.
The consequences of eating French food...not so great.

Mahalo* for allowing me to share my digestive problems with you!

My Hawaiian adventure comes to an end today. Had a great time with my ohana*.

Aloha*!

* From here on out I will pepper my posts with at least three Hawaiian words. Look forward to it!!

Thanks to everyone for their love and support regarding the contaminated beaches issue (except Lupe whose comments continue to illustrate a very lonely, poor and hateful woman and I don't understand why she reads my blog - Hey girl! Why are you standing outside my window staring at me? Stop ok??!!).

The North Shore beaches were in fact gorgeous and swimmable as was Hanauma Bay.

The water, earth and air are just divine...photographic evidence to follow!!

Mahalo!

To all the haters out there, you'll be happy to know that I'm sitting on Waikiki Beach staring at the beautifully blue ocean and unable to enter it because of the contamination left over from the sewage spill a week and a half ago.

We got to the beach this morning with all intentions of swimming in the ocean because at least Waikiki Beach had opened again after being closed for a week. We quickly noticed that there were very few people in the water and then a lifeguard warned us against it, telling us about her lifeguard friends who got infections where their board shorts rubbed against their waists...just from being in the beautifully blue water.

It makes me so sad to see Hare Krishna evangelists at airports. I know it could be worse and they could have those vacant eyes and be heroin addicts. And I know that from their perspective they've found 'the truth'. I still can't help but feel deeply distraught by the fact that I didn't get to brainwash them into being my unpaid personal assistants before the Hare Krishnas got to them.

Compliments of a fantastic birthday gift from my brother (3 months early), I will shortly be headed to...hint provided below. You only get one guess.

This is a great great great movie. One of my favorites. Watch it. You'll thank me.

Apparently the beaches are still contaminated so I'll most likely be sitting by the pool - just what I hoped to do in Hawaii!

I'll be testing the limits of my sidekick as blog machine in Oahu.

After seeing the Swiss Guards at the Vatican up close, I have to say they should really be called Swiss Hot Guards ('hot guards' should be said with the same ease and rythem as 'hot dogs').

"The guards must be Catholic males with Swiss citizenship who have completed basic training with the Swiss military and can obtain certificates of good conduct. Recruits must be between 19 and 30 years of age and at least 174 cm (5ft 9in) tall." - Wikipedia

*@ the Vatican on our honeymoon last summer.

Speaking of 3d glasses...is there anyone out there who is an expert on optics or knows of someone who is? There's a project that needs his/her expertise. I'll reward you with unlimited reading rights to this site if you can put me in touch with this person.

What were you saying? I couldn't quite hear you when my 3d glasses covered my real glasses...

*More from trip to Ars Electronica in Linz, Austria in 2002 or 2003.

You'll love this button!

*Elevator in Linz, Austria several years ago.

What do you call someone who's weirdly obsessed with gnomes? You can call me that.

*Taken some years ago in Linz, Austria.

* Linz, Austria

The Harmony Hotel website begins like this: Nestled into the sleepy town of Nosara, Costa Rica, 40 miles from the nearest paved road, high standards of sustainable living meet the creature comforts of low key beach life at the Harmony Hotel.

True but it's all that and so much more.

Imagine waking up in a comfortable and understatedly elegant room, walking on a little path through tropical plants while catching glimpses of fluorescent colored crabs and birds, on your way to the dining area by the pool, and eating a delicious breakfast with as much fresh fruit as your heart desires. Then you're surfing, swimming and playing in a beach so warm, soft and beautifully blue you might think you're in your bathtub but then you realize it's a lot better than that. After beach time, you're sitting by the pool doodling in your journal, writing your screenplay, or blogging! via wifi. In the evenings you drink cervezas and meet other creatively minded people like you.

This is truly what the Harmony Hotel provides and I know because I've experienced it. It's tough when your good friends open up this hotel and invite you down to "test" it. We felt obliged. You may recall the tropical fun we had there in these posts: Jonah's Over Horses, Tropical Surprise! and New Years Fun at the Harmony.

Environmentalists will rightfully delight in the hotel's commitment to sustainable living, mellow surfers will discover their scene here and creative folks will rejoice in the perfect opportunity to unwind, have fun and recharge.

Please say that AndreaHarner.com sent you if you go!! :-)*

*Can someone rotate that smiley face 90 degrees. It's not right on its side.

* Paris, France, taken a few years back.

Two years ago I was held up in the security line at ATL airport as my bag got swabbed and swabbed and swabbed because every time the swab was scanned in the machine, the alarm kept going off.

Finally, a big burly guy came over and took over the job from the woman swabber. He asked me for my shoes and ID and after writing down a bunch of things, he returned my flip-flops and ID and told me that he'd written a report on my purse and that I could go.

So then I asked, "Did you find anything?"

He reponded, "Yes, maam, TNT"

I thought, "Wait, I've heard of that. What is that again?"

And he replied in his polite Southern accent, "Dynamite, maam."

I'm almost done preparing for this site's relaunch! so while I finish up, enjoy some more photos from a trip to China several years ago.

While I work to create our new company's logo and while I work on another cartoon, here are some photos I took several years ago.

People who know my hyperactive, neurotic self may be surprised when I do yoga but what's more suprising is my little brother doing yoga. That's why I couldn't believe when this past Tuesday in LA my brother said, "wanna take a Power Yoga class tonight?" Uuuummm, brother? You're still my brother right? Has a yogi invaded your body?

He assured me that I would love the teacher of this particular class and he couldn't have been more right. She was no-nonsense, funny, instructive, inspirational and philosophical but not in a new agey, gross way at all *and* she played hip hop. I finally really liked yoga.

Ally Hamilton is that fantastic yoga teacher who teaches classes at Santa Monica Power Yoga, a donation only place - how truly yogic is that?!

She taught the class in this pose, the whooooole time:

P.S. I'd love to go to this yoga retreat in Maui. It's not donation only but I'm accepting your donations. You can expect really nice thank you notes.

Come on. Isn't it important for you to put me here?

My Black Celebrity Siting Tour ended on my flight back to NYC when I spotted Donatella Versace on the flight. Oh well. Thank you god for sparing me, Lily and Donatella's life.

NYC, I missed you baby!!

It's pouring and cold and I don't want to hear about how it doesn't rain or that it's not cold in LA or CA. It's BS.

Psst - The LA Tourism Lobby is running a racket.

Out here on the West Coast doing some business (when did I start talking like this?!) and so far I've seen Al Roker at JFK when he was acosted by a fan, nearly three times his size and Danny Glover sat 5 row aheads of me in first class (guess if it was him or me in first class) with his adorable grandson (I knew god would spare my plane with a Lethal Weapon legend and an adorable baby on board) and then just now, sat with a black comedian/actor (don't know his name but have seen him in some movie) who entertained us for a good hour and had all the white folk around him laughing and laughing.

If only this all happened last month I'd attribute it to being Black History Month and obviously the delegations sent out their ambassadors...

Spent this past weekend in Vail for our friend Duncan's 45th birthday. I learned that skiing is prohibitively expensive, a pain in the ass for most of the time and fun sometimes. Hot tubbing is fun all the time.

Our favorite skiing position:

There was a serious altercation at the intersection of the paw prints - People are still talking about it:

Tards:

Stupid street sign system - What? It snows here and the street signs might get covered up??!!

Tards in shades:

Glistening beer:

2 Boots as in Two Boots - HA HA!! That's only hilarious to Manhattanites.

I'm not at all afraid of heights or the ski lift.

Short skies = Professional Skier. 124 cm to be exact.

My favorite skier:

Very busy today so I'm posting a photo taken years ago in Southwestern China.

Photos from this past ski weekend in Vail to follow shortly!

P.S *News Flash* - Skiing is the most ridiculously expensive sport on the face of the planet.

* taken several years ago in Southwestern China.

This is good service. You can avoid all your fake smiles and "no, I'm ok" and "no, I'm just looking" *and* steal all you want.

* Somewhere in China, I forget where, years and years ago.

* At a Fountain Valley, CA restaurant: They don't charge you extra for it.

This is how I like to get my pedicures - by ogling fans (cousins):

Until they get sassy and start measuring the girth of my foot, bunion and all:

Thanks to my Momma for documenting this!

When you travel as much as Jonah and I do (don't hate the players, hate the glamorous, jet-setting lifestyle) you're bound to run into one of the world's most famous actors waiting at baggage claim.

It began as it always does now doesn't it? With sweet sweet intentions - Lily was treating us to a horseback riding outing! It went terribly wrong.

Little did Jonah know he was catching one last serene moment, taking in the horizon before his horse was to have his way with him:

I suppose we could have picked up on these clues - The horse's 'tude - it wouldn't listen - plus Jonah's body language:

I've had great rides before but something about this horse and the whole miserable looking lot of them me very very anxious. "No Sandy, I won't look at the camera...something bad might happen if I move":

When asked to turn around and smile! before we embark on this fun time, I said "No" and "No".

The only person who was riding along like Jackie O. was Lily, the one person who's been riding since she was a fetus:

Unfortunately for posterity, there are no photos of what happened because it happened in runaway horse time. Are you familiar with that time?? Jonah now is. The horse bolted and Jonah was taken off the beach, his head barely missed a huge tree branch and onto a dirt road parallel to the beach and the horse just kept running and running until it took a 45 degree turn into someone's driveway, the force of which threw Jonah off the devil and into a fence. It was horrifying to watch this happen especially because Sandy and I couldn't see anything once they left the beach. The only cool things about this were that 1) Jonah is ok and seems not to have suffered any *real* brain damage and 2) watching Lily, half a second after the horse made Jonah his bitch, take off like the wind after them - man, do I wish there were photos of that - it was the coolest, most heroic thing I've seen.

Here's the external damage - let's not even get into the internal damage:

Nurse Lily was fantastic as Wife Andrea documented:

Don't worry, she sterilized her breath before this:

And then she used an old family remedy - pouring the wife's blood into the husband's wound - she insisted:

And Jonah was ready to party the next day - New Year's Eve - and the following day - his birthday:

Oh poor sweet boy - I felt he at least deserved a special birthday cake:

* Nosara Costa Rica

Sometimes in the tropics it pours out of the blue and what began as a respectable white collared shirt becomes winner of a wet t-shirt contest:

See:

Drenched:

We were not going to get blindsided by tropical weather again! Jonah took action and suited up:

And for the rest of the trip we looked like this...just in case:

* Nosara, Costa Rica

It all began with a little brown(ie) gift from a friend with the initials JSJ- look at those eyes - he knew I'd end up freaking a little kid - oh he knew.

And this resulted - hey there's DJ Spooky! - he was fantastic and provided the perfect soundtrack to this mess:

Lucky kid huh? - he's doing the "yay!" thing with his arms - it only looks like I'm forcing them up:

Alright kid, if you wanna get a little freaky I can - it's not my usual MO but I'm flex!

A little to the right, we've got a good thing going!!

Heeeeeyyy! Where did he go? Why am I dancing alone??!

* Thanks to Jonah for capturing this.

I do miss the simple Cabbage Patch Kid days...

And this is what I got.

My clothing at my parents house is very glamorous...nothing but red, red, red! and penguins.

As I sit here on the New Jersey Transit en route to Princeton I can't help but think, "It's not true what they say about Jersey! There are pretty things about New Jersey...like the trees...and the town names like Jersey Avenue and Metuchen."

If you haven't seen this movie you really should:

* Southern Documentary Trip with Sally Rumble - Jackson, Mississippi 11.05

Evidence of being in Santa Monica:

Ever since my camera upgrade, my signature self-photography style has gotten a little bit more difficult to excute, but executed nonetheless!

The Hotel California - it's not like the song was figurative or metaphorical in any way...

Jonah, my brother Edward and my godbrother Hiromi. Like the placement in front of the tree? Thank you, thank you...

Jonah's second love - the Sidekick, our constant, non-stop companion:

Jonah and his antithesis:

Thanks to my godbrother Hiromi pictured above, I now have a 18mm - 55mm telephoto lens!! Shouldn't have used it here:

Ok, that's better:

Oh, how I appreciate my hubby and my bro for indulging my silliness:

Well, hellooooooo there!!!

And hello to you toooooo, cutie!!!

Wow.

Flamingoes

are

the

coolest

pinkest

animals

ever:

Please move...just an inch...

Please...

Sleeping bear:

Sleeping bear paw!

Across from RAND:

Chain Reaction:

So LA:

Telephoto lens rears its ugly head again!

I finally found a pair of sunglasses I like!

They have Barnes & Nobles in California too!!! Who knew!!??

There's the shot!! Palm trees and our faces:

* weekend of Santa Monica & LA Zoo, 11.05

On American Airlines Flight 22 returning from LAX last night, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (I'm not even going to hyperlink that - that's how much of a rule breakin', badass blogger I am - no hyperlinking for me!!!) was the movie attraction. An old but sweet (it was honey this and honey that and lots of talking between them and enjoying of each other's company) and seemingly hip couple (talked about emails and blackberries with ease and read about 50 magazines each from start to finish of the flight including the New Yorker, Premiere and Popular Mechanics) donned their headphones and began watching the flick when I and the rest of the plane heard the first of the long and insufferable debate: Jim Carrey or Johnny Depp??!! I mean really. And of course they were screaming, unaware of the centuries old 'with headphones on, beware of screaming' phenomenon. It went like this:

---
Wife: DO YOU KNOW WHO THE GUY IS IN THIS MOVIE?

Husband: YEAH, YEAH...JIM CARREY!

Wife: HHHHMMM, NOOOOO, I THINK IT'S JOHNNY DEPP!

Husband: JIM CARREY!

SSSSHHHHHH!! can be heard from surrounding passengers...SSSSSHHHHH!

This goes on....finally when the credits roll, you hear:

Husband: HONEY, YOU WERE RIGHT! I'LL BE DARNED. I'LL BE DARNED!!

Wife: YUP, JOHNNY DEPP.

Husband: JOHNNY DEPP! WOW! JOHNNY DEPP!! NOT JIM CARREY!

Wife: NOPE.
---

And of course the debated were:

1)

2)

WAIT ONE SECOND. THEY *DO* LOOK ALIKE AND THIS WAS A WORTHWHILE DEBATE TO HAVE!

I'm sorry you just suffered through this post.

when I saw a ranting, raving image of Bill O'Reilly flash on the TV screen and he reminded me of the ranting, raving white supremacist Byron De La Beckwith who killed Medgar Evers, played by James Woods in Ghosts of Mississippi.

*Starbucks on Birmingham, Alabama's south side.

The guy behind us has Myrmecophobia and we're only slightly less enthused than our expressions suggest.

Go to the light... Go to the light...

I'd like to interrogate the guy who gave the final thumbs up to this ant project.

Fried Green Tomatoes?

or Fried Dill Pickles??

By the way, see the leafy greens and tomatoes? Most vegetables we saw on our Southern trip.

1) Atlanta, Georgia is like New York City. Hardly anyone who lives there is actually from there and most everyone is politically liberal.

2) Birmingham, Alabama's south side is where it's at and in particular, the Garage Cafe* is a great bar.

3) Sports, especially football is huge down there.

4) Jackson, Mississippi is strange and strangely sweet...especially the Queen of Hearts Blues Bar that's been there since Shellie B. started it up in the 60's.

5) Men will be friendly to two women much more than women will.

6) It's easier to say not so nice things when said in a sweet, sing songy Southern voice and preceded by "______ (Insert name of person you're about to criticize), bless her heart... ______ (insert insult)." I actually quite like it!

7) When offered car bombs (shot of whiskey dropped in a half pint of Guinness) in a bar by a local you want to interview and get in good with, you should graciously accept...especially the third one.

8) Wisdom for the ladies from Earl on his porch in Jackson: "Make sure the man you're layin' with, cares somethin' about you."

9) It would be the right thing for Mississippi to fix their state flag by replacing the upper left confederate image with something else.

10) Southerners do talk slowly.

11) Most Southern women do not talk about sex as openly as we New Yorkers do and love to do.

12) Although listed on menus under Vegetable, Mac & Cheese is still not a vegetable.

* Free hot dogs on game nights.

Flew to Atlanta, Georgia on Friday, drove to Birmingham, Alabama on Saturday then to Jackson, Mississippi yesterday. Now flying out of Jackson and returning home to NYC.

Will explain these shenanigans later...

Y'all have a good day now, you hear?

While reading my emails from about six months ago (I'm getting caught up and closer to reading present day emails!!) I discovered some photographic treasures compliments of my friend Amy Wood in China. Enjoy!

Marlboro Man:

2 Year Old with Mohawk:

Modern Monk:

It's weird when a friend confides in you her deep, dark secret and it's that she only allows her hair to get cut underwater.

But this is pretty normal right?

You're in luck.

Here's John Johnson, a renowned horseshoe crab fisherman and his catch of the day...and boy was it delicious, especially the tail:

*Nantucket, MA 09.05

* Nantucket, MA 09.05.

Someone's allergic to mosquito bites and the posting of this photo clearly shows how vain she is not!

Thanks skeeters!

Nice:

Oh, we can all assume there's a vampire loose on Nantucket OR if there are any doctors out there, what the hell do you think I was bitten by?!?! It felt like it was 1.5 inches long, half an inch wide with a hard shell...and it took a little pulling to get it off of me...eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!

* Nantucket, MA 09.05

LaGuardia:

JFK:

* Summer '05.

If your husband documented the end of your night and it looked like this, you know it was a rough one.

You also really really hope that all your friends who were a part of the evening suddenly became amnesiac.

Nantucket, MA 09.05.

* Santa Barbara, CA 08.05.

Here she is!! After three years in hiding, we've brought her out to say, "Who knew that I, a Chinese & Irish mutt and Jonah, a Jewish-Italian concoction would produce such an Asian looking child!!"

Here's my proud brother (why is my brother so much darker than me? Mommy! What happened?!):

* Newport Beach, CA 08.05 with Shuri Yoshida, my godbrother's very very cute daughter.

Lobster claw:

and grilled cheese sandwiches garnished with potato chip shards:

* Martha's Vineyard & Nantucket 07.05.

Bar Notegen is a great little bohemian (whatever that means) cafe nestled between fancier establishments on Via Babuino in Rome (just a stone's throw away from the Spanish Steps). Back in the day such fantastic people as Giulietta Masina (my fave actress) and husband Federico Fellini hung out there. For now, there simply hangs a cool photo of the couple. It's one of my favorite images. So glamorous, so sweet.

* Roma, Italy 07.05

Sometimes when you're sitting in the courtyard of your honeymoon hotel, sipping on wine and relaxing, a bird lands on the empty chair next to you and takes a dump.

* Hotel de Russie, Rome, Italy 07.05

** Posted via sidekick while driving south on the 405.

* posted while standing in line at Swan Oyster Depot in San Francisco.

The Vatican:

* posted via sidekick from Oakland Airport

We've been married almost a month now and I've noticed Jonah doing this curious act during meals!

Should I be worried?

* Rome, Italy 07.05

This was a rare moment for us - walking in the Vatican. Most of the time we were speeding around in a golf cart with a giant American flag soaring from it.

The Vatican is kind of amazing:

Be careful - If you don't wear sunglasses you'll look like Jonah. If you wear sunglasses (that look like welding glasses) you'll look like me (a welder):

Clouds really add a lot, don't they? I'm into clouds!

Shiny (me), happy people outside St. Peter's Basilica:

And we're in!! Although I don't always make it into my signature 'take it myself' shots.

Oh, there we both are! My armpit area is feeling a bit overexposed and shy though!

We're under the Oculus in St. Peter's which our tour guide Jason described as being large enough to fit the Statue of Liberty in! When a rogue tour participant asked Jason if that included the base of the Statue of Liberty, he quietly replied, "well, no".

Poor Jonah really gets roped into me paparazzing us, doesn't he?!

The woman on the left with an umbrella open must be a Chinese relative of mine.

Look at our tour guide go! Can you guess what he's explaining? The big kahuna...the Sistine Chapel!

Jonah is the pious-est. He's having a moment of worship for the gold plated ceiling:

Who does this statue resemble??? Look more closely...Bill Clinton!!

This was our tour guide's favorite thing in all of the Vatican. This reddish, purplish bowl was used as a huge eating bowl, filled with tons of food that debaucharous Romans (love 'em) climbed into and feasted in. Then they went to the vomitorium to create more room to eat and drink and be merry! Yay!!...but that's not what he loved. He loved the reddish, purplish marble that the bowl is made of because according to him, it's incredibly rare, the Vatican owns 80% of the world's supply and therefore it's worth millions or billions.

This one's for the parents!

The End:

BTW, guided tours are great and so is the Vatican...having been there twice now...I'd go back for more!

Stay tuned for a Swiss Guard post...it'll be hot!

It may appear that my pinky finger is the culprit here but in fact I have been caught several times without a pinky finger to blame (recently woke up on the plane with a dry left eye) so it's for real. A BIG thank you to Jonah for capturing this!! Otherwise who would have known?! Pretty too!!

* Isola Bella in Taormina, Sicily 07.05

The nice thing about jetlag from a Europe trip is that when the alarm wakes you at 5 AM (for an 8 AM flight) you feel AWAKE, WAKE, WAKE!! Good morning, alarm clock! It's nice to hear your morning energy! I finally feel like we're in this together.

Off to Martha's Vineyard for my dear friend Celeste Peterson's wedding and for some preppy fun in Nantucket!

Will post on Wednesday the 27th if not before then!

Ciao! (Unable to let go of Italy)

Family, friends, fans and stalkers,

In order to read this blog you will now need to type www.andreaharnerperetti.com.

Just kidding!! But I am now married and Jonah and I are loving our honeymoon in Rome after a super fun wedding in NYC. We're off to Taormina, Sicily on Wednesday for a few days and then back in Rome until the 20th.

Enjoy your vacation from andreaharner.com and I'll look forward to blogging like a crazed newlywed when I get back!!

Ciao!
Andrea

Don't be fooled by the angelic light, the blondeness and the gate.

They were out and attacking in no time:

There's Jonah's knee shield:

Lily tried negotiating:

But it was useless:

This picture was too frightening in color so I've cleaned it up for you and look at how charming it is in black and white:

This one's for the reader:

I had no idea how fun skiing was! Especially spring skiing closer to the west coast than to the east coast!

It didn't all begin so well though...If you don't count the few hours I skiied in Japan when I was 11 (I had another chance to ski when I was 16 but I chose the Prince concert instead - smartest decision of my life to date) then this was my first time skiing and I'm a scaredy cat.

The lengthy process of standing in line, getting fitted and renting skiis only increased my anxiety (Why is this such a big production?! Why is everything so serious and precise?! Why are they talking about skiis needing to buckle off if you crash?! SOS!!) but luckily I saw this guy's outfit which was aspirational for me.

On the first lift ride up, this scene helped calmed my nerves.

This parent and child connection made me want my mommy.

This little guy next to me made me feel small.

But then I met my inspiration. Size = Small. Attitude = Big.

And what do you know?! After crying atop the mountain, "How am I supposed to get down this mountain??!!" I got down it and it was fun!

Note: This form may be priceless for the camera but not recommended down the slopes.

I had to give it up to Jonah's teaching and his ski skills which I did not know about!

It made me wonder, "what other surprises does he have in store for me?"

New and improved attitude.

It was Ski Love:

Ski Love Part Deux:

Back at the house...

I enjoyed staring at the beautiful ceiling.

Hot tubbing:

Getting backgammoned by Jonah:

And then for nighttime snowmobiling!

Gross kissing through helmets:

My tough guy:

There we were, asses on Polarises! Let's do this!

Snowmobiling is for the tough minded and thick skinned...I barely made it out alive.

Apparently Al Roker and I have more in common than meets the eye.

And then it was time to say goodbye...

To the awesome weekend and the Aspens I fell in love with:

*Park City, Utah

All you need to do is put on a straw hat and it's tropical vacation time!

It also seems to be 'cute boy with a straw hat on' time!

We hadn't slept the night before since our flight left JFK at 5 AM and this flight from San Jose to the town of Nosara was at noon:

Apparently, everyone was relaxed enough to snooze on this 12 seater. Not me.

Fortunately for documentation sake, I was hyper awake pulling double duty - gripping Jonah's leg with my sweaty palm and snapping away at these precious photographic and photogenic moments:

My relationship with Jonah thrives because he indulges me like so:

Oh good! 40 minutes later and we see a bikini waxed strip of land!

Note: Planes are prohibited from landing after 4PM as there are no lights on this runway.

There's Rick Walker, owner of the Corky Carroll Surf School where we stayed. Don't be tempted to draw similarities with Humphrey Bogart's Rick character - you'll yield no results.

There's a pig in the picture and there's also something resembling a yam. Can you spot it?

Brandino's close up:

The place was an animal farm and I was in heaven.

Christine Hanaway: You may have purple eyes but you're also a bomb dropper!!

Hot Toddy subsists on nothing but saltwater and pot smoke...it's truly a natural wonder.

Puppy guillotine for when he's bad:

The poor crab was bad:

Pool time! Tried and true tricks!

This one never gets old:

Presenting Annie Maxwell, white geisha.

Liz Slagus: Look! No floaties!!

The underwater handstand had Kenyatta Cheese floored:

Jonah as Superhero Surfer Man!

Jonah as Surfer Dude doing the meanest hang ten/shaka bra ever documented:

Nice hustle!

Bellyflop minus 2 seconds:

Canada Dry should buy this photo off of me (and photoshop out bellyflop evidence):

Perry at the beginning of the trip:

Middle of the trip:

End of the trip:

John Johnson singing his signature song: ~O say can you see? By the dawn's early light...what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming~

Pot (one of our surf instructors and owner of Hot Toddy) with paparazzi:

Pot with a groupie:

Pot to John: From one blonde to another, I really think you should consider my hair lightening method - douse your hair in tequila & lemon juice and surf all day long...

Let me tell you why the painting behind me speaks to me...and how much I like Costa Rican beer.

Everbody needs a Bon Jovi T-shirt - there's mine:

Rick is communicating that life is good!

Slash is a regular at the surf school:

Garnish:

Traffic:

I'm envious of their flawless skin & perfectly applied kohl eyeliner:

Bye Costa Rica!

The End:

And the prize goes to...Ejike!!!

The song was in fact Mario's Let Me Love You!!

If you don't know this song, you must listen to the clip and swiftly add it to your tunes library - sensual section...

Thanks for playing this first ever hybrid pop culture/blog game!

It's a four word song by an artist beginning with an M...

I know you can do it...

Feel it...

Update: It's an R&B song.

Updated update: It's a currently popular R&B song.

Can you guess what song had me singing all passionate while driving in LA?!

The first person to guess correctly wins...continued reading rights! How motivating! Yay!

Hints abound below - stay focused.

This is how I look at the passenger when my favorite song comes on:

Don't let the intensity escape you:

And then I launch into it:

'Extra Firm Hold' Smile in anticipation for chorus:

Chorus:

Wanna ride with me?

Highlights were hanging with my brother, meeting up with a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years (he was in the midst of a nasty break up of which he explained, "you can't just stay in a relationship because she got film rights to a Murakami novel!) and meeting the lovely and impressive Arianna Huffington!

oh and driving...until I got sick of it just in time to get back to NYC...

Check it out - my Dad's new home in Phnom Penh, Cambodia while working on a two-year project.

From $39 a day???!!! AndreaHarner.com is investigating blog studio set ups out of Colonial Mansion...

It's not everyday that you meet and fall in love with a super hero...while in Costa Rica, I met and fell in love with Surfer Man!

While in Costa Rica this past week I learned an important life lesson: I don't like people or situations 'Harshing My Mellow'.

Please bear with me while I get back up to NYC speed...I'm gorging on brain food and my nose is buried in the OED.

Here's John Johnson the orchestrator of the Costa Rica retreat, demonstrating 'A Mellow'...his fingers are interlocked with his wife and partner in crime Susan Short who knows that John doesn't like his mellow harshed either...who really does anyway?

Over the holidays, I discovered a treasure from my past that really belongs in the Smithsonian Museum...Hippie Wing.

The duct tape makes me sentimental and slightly queezy.

Can you guess what follows Thank you ... ???

That's right...Jerry...as in Garcia, the man who loved life, music and heroin.

It was fun being a hippie.

Just between you and me - If you throw on a good Jerry song, I'll still get close to weeping tears of joy.

Back in November 04, for the five days leading up to the election, a few of us went to Florida in hopes of making Broward County go blue instead of its ill fated red color ("Real bang up job, Dre!" said my supportive friend Paul upon my return). While there, I discovered these in a health food store. I'm sure they exist all over and not just in FLA but Broward County, FLA will forever hold a special spot in my heart for introducing me to the existence of Dirt, Funeral Home and Gin & Tonic perfume.

* Newport Beach, CA 12.05.

The best thing about traveling in a country where you know the language but your significant other doesn't, it that you can play pranks on him! Yay!

This summer in Tokyo at a bar called Office, I ordered a drink for Jonah.

Mint Beer!!

*Artist and engineer Nikita Pashenkov appreciated the prank too while he drank his regular gin & tonic.

* Near Komazawa University in Tokyo 08.04.

This is how Chelsea Peretti proudly parks her car:

What a menace.

*Oakland, CA 12.04

Off to California for a Joy Luck Club Reunion with the following participants: my Aunt Susan, my cousin Harmony and my mom of recent Master Chef fame.

We finally have a solid mah-jong group!

Thank you JetBlue for providing free wifi @ JFK!! Now the next step is to provide it in air...like Lufthansa!!

While in Japan this summer Jonah and I took a night bus tour of Kyoto which lasted only a few hours and in typically overpriced Japanese fashion cost 8,000 yen ($80) per person. The final stop on the tour was the theater which was run by the "strict spotlight method". This consists of all centimeters of the stage populated by actors and props for the entire duration while the strong spotlight strictly guides the audience's eyes to one particular activity at a time as the rest of the stage is blanketed in darkness. What then happens to some of us is that we want to stare at everything that's in the dark and not spotlighted because it's the same part of the brain that wants to laugh maniacally in a library. Accompanying this method was an overly enunciated Japanese-American voice narrating too dramatically. Here we see the aaaaancient aaaart of flower arraaaaangement, Ikebaaaaaana. Oh but it was worth it.

Especially for the dance theater:

And the puppet theater:

We were riveted:

Oniichann: Kore wa jyoudann desu! Jitsuwa totemo tanoshikatta desu. Arigatou!

I had the coolest underwater camera shell for my new Pentax Optio s4i...

but it still didn't prevent water droplets on the outerlens, obscuring my hard paddling expressions...

I was paddling hard because Jonah was afraid there was something biting his butt so I paddled like crazy while he hung on for dear life. For some reason when I look at this picture prunes flash before my eyes:

Here's Jonah in a more confident moment.

Oh, how I cheered, "You got it baby! You can do it! You're body surfing a huge wave!"

My lawyer forbids me to say what Jonah was doing to me to elicit my response:

The camera had endless modes which meant limitless fun.

Here's the polarizing filter that promises to capture fish in the water. What do you call schools and schools of fish you can't see?

The wide mode is a real help when trying to imagine life with a fat significant other:

And conversely, the skinny feature gives you a taste of life with an anorexic partner:

Poster mode was so successful we're awaiting word from Presidente Beers on the use of this image for an upcoming ad campaign:

The camera worked in chlorinated water:

As well as in salt water:

It wasn't the most inconspicuous camera though.

On a walk to the ATM guarded by guys with assualt rifles (no jokey) we ran into this little guy who kept saying something to me in Spanish and pointing to my camera. In my awkwardness I said "Oh, you want me to take a picture of you with this camera? Ok!"

We walked away and Jonah told me he had was saying, "You're rich and I'm poor." Great.

So naturally this interaction made us want to maximize our almighty dollar so since cigarettes cost only a dollar a pack we bought 100 cartons and now have a healthy online cigarette business.

We took many outings during the day to surf spots, to learn windsurfing, etc and we always found ourselves surrounded by Germans...interesting, exotic, unnerving:

On our way to Windsurfing 101 in a lagoon with only hints of wind ("Was that wind?! Oh, I guess it was just you breathing") we rode on the back of a truck with strong winds and yet there was a certain someone with a hat on:

Not for long...lesson was learned.

I love mangoes and she was the nicest fruit lady I ever met:

I love these trees with red flowers called Flamboyan, originally from Madagascar:

I also love surfing and that's why I don't mind looking like a dorkass to do it:

Jonah plans to wear these goggles on our wedding day:

Beautiful, reserved Mariposa:

Sleepy, cute Perro:

I just don't get Iguanas:

Individuo con el arbol que crece fuera de la cabeza. Thanks BabelFish Translations!

We found the best restaurant ever:

The best meal of my entire life:

Jonah gave it a try:

and agreed:

I looked like a drag queen with sunburned eyeballs.

Cautionary tale - Sunglasses are not just accessories. They are eyeball protectors. They shield your eyes from the scorching sun. You should wear them. It was too late for me but it may not be too late for you.

This is what Verizon looks like in the DR:

This is inappropriate advertizing for the movie WhaleRider:

National Geographic-watch out:

Before really settling into your pina colada...

You should check which way the wind's blowing...

And when posing with a pina, try not to let your hands look so spindly.

*taken by Jonah in the Dominican Republic, 08.04.

On Sunday September 5th my good friend Hannah Cloud Sharpless got married to John Graff (my nickname for him = G-raff, like giraffe) in Cambridge, MA.

Here's the bride flanked by her parents and shocked at the betrayal. They told her she was getting dressed up to go to the theater:

Look at how cute this couple is.

They're about to eat dinner. We all hope that John opens his eyes one day.

Here's Hannah's mom sharing with the kids table, memories of her own wedding that involved drunkeness, acid trips, etc, etc. We were hooked.

Here's my friend Koh who's clearly become Jonah's friend too! You only make funny faces with best buddies. We hung out with him in Tokyo 3 weeks ago but we were all caught up in the moment and didn't mention the wedding. Next thing I knew, Jonah emerged from the men's room at this wedding and said, "I just ran into Koh at the urinals."

Wedding planners, take note: White sangria with freshly cut pears is delicious and should be a wedding necessity.

Koh's a respected sangria thief.

Awesome wedding cake:

Sweet:

Hannah dancing with her father-in-law...they got close, we were worried for a second.

A long, luscious veil and a hint of a tattoo: Hannah as a metaphor.

Here's one of Hannah's bridesmaids and my friend from college, Lindsey Shaw. Hannah and I like to Asianize her name into Rintsi Xia. It's better that way.

Here's my friend Yume (Koh's older sister) who I went to high school with in Tokyo and I was so happy to be reunited with this sassy lassie. Here's us looking like Japanese school girls with flash...

And here we are without flash...which is better? You decide. Jonah much prefers without flash. I'm leaning more towards with flash but I'm undecided.

Here we are having a good time but as Jonah points out, when I use the camera's night mode, it looks as if we could be anywhere...so true!

OR, do you like the night mode? I think it's my fave.

A big thanks to the cast and crew that made this wedding a heart warming, wicked* fun time!

* My friendly shout out to Boston, MA.

Isn't it amazing that we were once just a little pea, a little blip, a little heartbeat...I'm pro-life*.

While at Jonah's house in Oakland, his mother Della shared with me his first shirt:

Isn't it TWFW**?!

* Just kidding. How hilarious!

** Too Wierd For Words?!

Help again.

As you may have noticed, comments can be entered but then they don't appear. They don't even appear anymore in my MT admin page. If someone is holding them hostage, please release them. They are nice comments and I miss them.

I am told my database has been corrupted and that this has been known to happen with the combination of MT and low disk space (damn you!). If there are any database corruption reversers out there, please reach out and touch me.

Sincerely,
The AndreaHarner.com Comment Team

Japanese school must be fun! Oh, so naughty...

*This item was snatched and purchased from one of my favorite stores in Japan called LOFT.

When you're on vacation and you rebuild your website, don't, in your haste and in a hurry, shut your laptop because your index page/home page will not be rebuilt/will be a blank white page.

Not only have I lost all my readers (come back, come back now!) my Google AdSense revenue has suffered a real blow. Originally it looked like I would become one of those people whose revenue paid their rent. I am no longer as close to being able to do that...so, what if I said I will give the entire $7 to charity each month, would that make you philanthropists click like crazy? I wonder...this ad thing is quite the exciting experiment!

Thanks for bearing with my experiments and disasters.

When you're oily:

Use oil absorbing papers:

My personal fave = Kose's Sense Up:

Sensed Up!

*Of course I'm never oily - Oil was spritzed on my face for this demonstration. It's just my duty to test popular Japanese products for the oily faced AndreaHarner.com readers out there.

Ramen:

Shaved Ice Trucks:

Osenbei (Rice Crackers):

The cutest Dachsund:

Jonah as Ultra Man:

Tipsy with Jonah:

More to come...sorry for the sparse blogging!

Just stepped off a 14 hour flight and feeling very woozy...not sure if it's sleep deprivation & dehydration or...the fact that I am swooning over my recent engagement!!! To Jonah!! :-)

It happened last week in the Dominican Republic...and here's the awe-inspiring, beautiful, 1950s vintage ring that Jonah picked out on his own and of course it's just perfectly me.

And this has been AndreaHarner.com, blogging LIVE from the Narita Airport in Tokyo, Japan...stay tuned for adventures from the rest of the trip...in a day or two!

Yay! We found the right high school reunion!

Soon after I was offered a bottle of vodka. I made a killing selling shots to 14 - 17 year olds!

In response to, "pose as retardedly as possible, girls!" we didn't dissappoint:

Here's Katy and Tommy's finger pointing...somewhere:

Rumors abounded of a stretch Escalade but alas, reality is harsh stuff and instead we hung out in this super pimped out Winnebago, fully equipped with every prop in a hip hop video except the bitches...unless we were the bitches??!!

It was a small town's girl's dream come true:

Aaaw, sweet boys: Poor Peter in Pink, thought he was on a Caribbean cruise ship while Ian and Tommy got closer and closer through the night:

And here's sweet sweet me and my dear old friend Tosan looking like a happy multi-racial couple...

But the truth is, I was missing my Jonah that I am head over heels for...

As soon as I got back home, we did the one thing we know how to do together - Read books online:

Someone has a fan!

Isn't dwelling a bad thing?? especially dwelling forever?!?!
Do something!....else!...dude!!

Since back in the day when Andrea Spratt and I were mature and stylish 14 year olds, ubiquitously known as Andrea Squared, I've known that I was the kind, timid and perfect Andrea and that Andrea Spratt was the evil twin.

It became clear like crystal during my recent trip to LA.

Here she coerced the monkey into holding her hand and when monkey looked away for a second...

$1 bill? What? Where?

And she tries to play it off like, "I just love a firm grip on a monkey finger!"

Notice the monkey twisting its shoulder trying to get away while Andrea's bony fingers crushed the monkey finger. It was amputated soon after and she threw it to the brown dog in the background...R.I.P.

Quickly rebounding from that mess, Andrea couldn't turn down an opportunity to degrade a hungry person turned prostitute.

And still, Andrea could only think of one thing...modeling.

But alas, even this evil twin needs to drink to smooth over life's rough edges.

Let's just say, when her head hits the pillow each and every night, things are reeeaaal smooth.

I am delighted to announce that this fabulous evil twin without whom I could never be the sweet and shy Andrea that I am...has started her own blog!!!

Check it out but watch out! She'll cut you!

While in LA, I gave birth to a precious baby!

On the left is Andrea (aka Flatback), my best friend and on the right is Ed (aka Fast Eddie), my bro and the baby's spiritual advisor.

Look how they spoil the baby by feeding it a fireball...

I'm sitting at Gate 7 of the JFK Jet Blue terminal and I've realized that if I could marry Jet Blue, I would. Jet Blue offers free WiFi, a sizeable sushi bar and constant Animal Planet programming in the air.

Here's a Hasidic man reconciling his lust for WiFi with his religious devotion:

Here's the Deep Blue Sushi chef whipping up some magic for those savvy enough to choose Jet Blue:

No, I'm not paid by Jet Blue although I should be...as every good marriage, it would be a beautiful partnership!

Off to Snoop Dogg Airport, aka Long Beach Airport!!

Most Grandmas are sugary sweet, rocking on their rocking chairs, looking lovingly at you wishing they had all the time and money in the world to shower you with love and affection?

Well my Grandma is more than that. Much much more than that.

For example, on the recent Harner Vegas Vacation, my Grandma showed just how generous she can be.

Firstly, I received a PFM (perfect for me) present from my brother: the 20th Anniversary Edition Trivial Pursuit (some of you may know that I would get out of bed at 3 in the morning if only to play Trivia).

As I tore open the box to start memorizing answers because cheating is allowed in Trivia...Grandma went into a schpeel about giving us treasures from the 19th century...

and then she handed one of these to each of us ... yup, just what you see lying pristinely on the Trivia set...

NAIL CLIPPERS

Not even TOE nail clippers which might have entered the $1-$2 range but nooooo, little TRIM brand nail clippers you find everywhere.

My brother's reaction was a sing songy, nervous, "o~h~!"

My dad responsed in the best monotone I've heard yet, "Nail clippers...Just want I wanted."

And my mom and I proceeded to cut our nails.

Later, my brother summed up the experience perfectly by suggesting we ask, "Grandma, do you hate us?"

Final Thoughts: Remember, it's the thought that counts HOWEVER DON'T EVER BUY ANYONE NAIL CLIPPERS BECAUSE THAT'S JUST CHEAP. Spring the extra .50 cents for a card and write something sweet in it. Truuuust me, you "would be nail clipper givers" out there!

If there's one thing you do while in LA, make sure to catch the band Metal Shop on Monday nights in the Viper Room for a silly good time!

Here's one other person who wrote about how absolutely worth it it is to see Metal Shop while in LA-so I must be right! ha!

Here they are in the middle of a heart wrenching rendition of Bon Jovi's "Shot Through The Heart!"

Note the audience member with the "spider web on elbow" tattoo-HOT.

Oops! Too much of the wrong heads...

There we go...for the money shot:

This is what happens to your face after Metal Shop but it's totally worth it...

And that's the Viper Room after some peyote sprinkled drinks!-J/K! J/K!

Big shout out to my special friend Nicole-blonde in above photo-for the rockin' good time!

While romping around with family in CA, I realized that art is everywhere!

Even in places I least expected...like my Uncle Robert's house!

A few years back, Uncle Robert declared he wanted to live a simple life and would therefore rip out the existing garden and flowers and replace them with cement...voila, a simple, low-maintenance life.

But alas, he has grown a green thumb and...even displays art work!!

This pretty much sums up the Harner Vegas Vacation...all that we saw and did while we spent the 24th & 25th of December, in Vegas...baby...

Yup, Clint Holmes...

Nothin' but Clint Holmes and hookers, Clint Holmes and hookers...

Just Kidding!! Laughing Out Loud!

So we took the $10 Fung Wah Bus from NYC Chinatown up to Boston Chinatown and apparently $10 doesn't afford you ventilation so even though it's such a hard deal to pass up, we thought we'd try the newly running LimoLiner, boasting Internet and all around travel in (high-tech) style.

There's fuzzy Jonah illustrating the fuzzy massiveness of the LimoLiner:

The first great thing we discovered when uncharacteristically arriving 30 minutes early, is that there is a LimoLiner Lounge in the lobby of the Hilton Back Bay!
There's the poster boy for LimoLiner:

We boarded the bus and embraced.
You see, we're quite loving towards each other when there's promise of email access!!

There's the Captain in his Captain's chair!!

And there's eeeeeveryone else.
Have no idea how we lucked out with the entire "back office" to ourselves.
Must be karma...ha!

Unfortunately, the trip began with these Entourage & Safari error messages and since I was in an impetuously impatient mood, some would call it spoiled but not me, I was about to write off this bus...

But thank the good internet lord, we connected shortly after when our customer service representative, as she aptly called herself, fixed it.
Jonah says she radio-ed an astronaut to fix the satellite coverage.
Quel customer service!

Whew! Close call! Was ready for a stiff drink but alas the stiffest drink offered was coffee...which was for the better...more efficient blogging!

There's Jonah, happy as a duck with email!

For a few seconds, while waiting for a page to load, we looked up to discover that movies are shown...you can see The Matrix on the right and Catch Me If You Can on the left...A View from the Top and Friends followed right up until arrival:

Then there were the amenities...a Boston Globe and a meal consisting of a delghtful white chocolate chip cookie, a banana, a ham and cheese sandwich and chips:

And for the part no one really wants to think about...the bathroom.
I am happy to report that is was the nicest bathroom in a moving vehicle i've ever stepped foot in.
Also, that is a real flower, I kid you not-I touched it:

The bottom line is that the famously cheap $10 Fung Wah Bus is too good of a deal to be beat.
If however you are willing to pay $69 for internet access (albeit not always reliable but decent), refreshments, a light meal, comfortable seats and movies that are optional as opposed to just blasted to everyone in the bus ($2 headsets that are yours to keep)...the LimoLiner is your friend.

Oh! And if you *need* to BusBlog, step into the LimoLiner.

I was told by a Turkish guy that the kid is facing Greece, where the lesser people live...gosh, guys, can't we all get along??!!

The only thing that the Greeks and the Turks agreed on was that "the Albanians are shifty."

Well then! I suppose that's something!!

*taken in Turkey, April 1998

The contradiction in this new Birkenstock edition simply astounds me.

When Birkenstock starts incorporating rhinestones and gems, you know the bohemian/hippie craze has good too far...don't you agree, beautiful, shiny, happy people?!

While in Paris, Jonah and I were appalled to discover that the Parisian way of drinking coffee = sitting in cafes drinking cafe cremes for hours on end...just wasting time!

Even though we were on vacation, we couldn't give up precious hours that could be spent zipping from the Champs de Lysees to the top of the Eiffel Tower to the Louvre to the lovely Bateau Mouche ride on the Seine! Thank heavens we found Columbus Cafe in the heart of the Marais district, offering a strong resemblance to Starbucks at home. We felt at home!

So we purchased our grande Mochacinos and sat down at the counter to take in the view, just for a moment!...when we realized there was a problem because this was our view!

Look at poor Jonah trying to catch a glimpse of the quaint Parisian street life but noooooooo!!
Completely obstructed!

So as any good American tourist would do, we let the manager know how he could improve things to make life better for us tourists! And if monsieur wanted us to spread the word of their cafe to our American friends, he would have to fix the situation, pronto!

Well, sure enough, we stopped in the following morning and there was a view! Keen eyes will notice the sticker remnants on the window-rest assured we made a big fuss over that mess and before long someone assiduously scraped it off.

Finally, we were happy Americans in Paris:

Oh, and our final words of advice for the Columbus Cafe were to instutute something equivalent to the Dunkacino, as Dunkin Donuts so cleverly did!

Like say, the Columbacino!?

Some Japanese inventions, namely the one below, make me want to throw in the towel, raise my hands and say, "by golly, what'll they think of next??!!"

The deodorized panty in packaged form:

The outlines illustrated the point of deodorization:

Here is the panty, unleashed into the world...

In all its sexy glory...

Ya, I bet you want to know where I got 'em!...Sorry, the secret stays with me :-)

Have you wondered what in the world to do with those jeans that don't fit anymore or that you simply don't like anymore but can't bring yourself to throw them out or don't have the heart (literally) to donate them to a Salvation Army type of place...

Here's a gorgeous solution for you...

Jean Chair Covers!

Look at how seamlessly the different jean parts come together!

Go CHANEL!!

~courtesy of a restaurant in the Bastille district of Paris.

Question: What do traditional African women and Nike have in common?

Brilliantly matched purple!

~taken a few weeks ago at Gare de L'Est in Paris

Aaawww...look at how they do graffiti in Paris!

Closer up:

*taken near our hotel in Paris, France.

Sooo Invisible!! Unbelievable!!

I have never understood these purportedly invisible bra straps.

I mean, aren't they just plastic and cheap and trashy looking?

I can only imagine on a hot day how they feel on the skin.

Verdict: Bad invention.

*snazzy lady on the steps of Montmartre in Paris.

I´m about to begin a 13 hour train ride from Austria to Paris, hang out in Paris for 5 hours and then head to the airport for a 7 hour flight back to NYC...oy vay is all I can say and if I were a really cute dog, I would probably be looking like this right about now...resigned to the fact that I have to do this but quite skeptical as to how much fun it´s going to be...

*Sasha, my grandma´s dog, taken a few weeks ago in CA - yes,it´s quite possible there´s a dead nerve involved here :-)

Paris, France is a dirty place, people...

Have you ever seen a mannequin so inappropriately dressed?

Close-up in case you missed it above:

There seems to be talk of weddings and marriages recently and I've decided that I want my wedding to be casual, totally normal and un-orchestrated seeming like this wedding below.

Taken a few years ago in China...

Being in Paris makes me realize that while stereotypes are often NOT true, they can be at times, QUITE true!
Since I can't post stuff from Paris to prove the aforementioned deep and complex theory, I instead have posted photos which were taken 2 weeks ago in the Bay Area and are to me, very representative albeit stereotypical of CA's Bay Area...

Yoga...

Yoga balls being driven here and there and everywhere...constantly reminding me what I am NOT doing!

Hiking and Earthquakes

Hiking and smelling the flowers along the way because in the Bay Area you have the time and places to do so! but also being reminded of the ever imminent possibility of "The Big One!"

...well at least that's what this Neurotic New Yorker thinks!

pained...
Imagine me, blogger to the core, walking all around this city, taking so many photos but unable to comment on and post them!
I have noticed something that I can share though...

qnd thqtùs the different keyboqrd they use in Frqnce11;;;so super fun;;; Pretty cool; huh§; Itùs so fun to tqke forever to type so,ething thqt usuqlly only tqkes ,e q blink of qn eye;;; Cest lq vie qs the french sqy; I suppose1

Austria, where we will be on Friday may be the wireless haven I've been seeking...cèst possible...non?!

J'adore WIRELESS!! Je suis ADDICTED TO Wireless!!

While I suffer from wireless web withdrawal which has rendered me unable to post photos I've taken here, here's one I took the last time I was in Paris when...

I watched this French dog climb out of the car with his owner (who clearly has a thing for parking his car perfectly), plop down in front of the coiffure's door until his owner emerged with a très chic hair-do, and they got back in the car and were on their merry way...

I'm off to Europe today!!

Here are two clues as to where exactly in Europe...

Can you guess??

That's right...France! As in French Bulldogs and French Kissing!!

Will French Blog in Paris as much as possible...A bientot!

Two days ago in LA, Jonah's grandmother brought us to Todai Restaurant, "The Mother of All Seafood Buffets" for a ~$13.95 All-You-Can-Eat Lunchtime Special.

Being the clever cats that we are, Jonah and I turned sushi into sashimi so as not to fill up on rice!

but then we noticed this sign...

and this sign...

So, while we plotted to turn wasted rice into invisible rice, we took in the clientele...the hideously hungry, bona fide overeaters and seriously greedy people...

We then spotted the piggiest family of all sitting behind us. Note that there is a whole plate of lighter fish sushi in the middle of their table and several more plates arrived at their table...waitresses also periodically stopped by to ask them if they were going to be able to finish their food.

Here's a close up of that beautiful plate...

We noticed that they of course started turning sushi into sashimi as well so we were immensely curious to see how they would dispose of their rice!

As you can see from the pics above, Jonah and I were intrigued by them so we stared a bit, and then, as any normal people would, we took turns holding my camera over our shoulders and taking pictures of them and ummmm, yes, with flash.

So perhaps it's not so surprising that finally the mom barked at Jonah, "CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING!?" and then the dad whipped his head around to demand, "CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING!?"

Slightly horrified and collectively 15 pounds heavier, we rolled out of the restaurant into the scorching LA heat...

Hey, so I was walking along Alameda beach when I found this little pair of pants...anyone? anyone?

So I heard that the quicktime movie in the ATL post wasn't working but now it's fixed so feel free to vote on who the winner is!

Atlanta...city of heat and humidity, fried food and grits, CNN, the CDC and Coca Cola...

When Jonah told Duncan that he took me to Atlanta for my birthday, Duncan said, "why don't you take her to Detroit next year?" :-)

Emergency Exit row is definitely the way to go:

We had no problems spotting Cameron when he greeted us at the airport holding this sign:

Out of all the southern food we ate, the most visually stunning was this piece of Ham in Red Gravy (coffee is an integral ingredient). When your entree is so gigantic that you can only stack your side dish ONTOP of your entree, isn't there a problem? And yes, the ham spans 1 and a half feet:

We spent as much time as possible by the pool.
I tried floating as long as humanly possible*:

*Pardon the Raymi-The-Minx like photo...I think the photo is cool looking.

The boys were boys and competed in every possible way...witness a race that begs the question, "Who Won?":

I wanted to have my birthday dinner in an old, classy and truly southern restaurant so I asked a new pool friend for a restaurant recomendation. He suggested The Dish, one of several Indigo Girls owned establishments in Atlanta and when I asked, "so that's old?" he replied, "well, it's definitely been around since I moved here and that was at least 5, 6 years ago.") After some more digging, we found just what we were looking for: PittyPats Porch...a place that is at least 100 years old, serving good ole southern cooking, and all four walls decorated with deer heads and gun racks.

On our way to dinner, we looked like the quintessential disgruntled band:

Birthday dinner photo...rest assured I have made endless fun of Jonah's Zoolander-Blue Steel pose:

After relentless abuse, even Jonah grows horns:

So we soothed Jonah by stepping into one of Atlanta's many strip clubs-charmming facade isn't it?:

The strip club above totally lived up to all our hgh expectations---J/K!!! J/K!!!

Although on this trip, I did visit a strip club for the first time in my life...but that's another story for a another time!!

I am making my way back to NYC from Atlanta, GA where I spent a delightful weekend (thanks to my sweet beau who made this trip possible) exploring ATL, hanging out with Cameron and celebrating my birthday ...so in the spirit of travel, this is the second in the Southwestern China pictures series (see first in series).

This was taken several years back in China...

I just love the "I don't care if the English isn't right" and "duh..." attitude of the message...rather than a simple "KEEP OFF THE GRASS"...because that would have been too boring...

My favorite picture I've taken...spring 1998 in Istanbul...on my way to board a boat ride on the Bosphorous.

Looks a bit creepy and ominous doesn't it...love it!!
:-)

Those Naughty Italians!! Oh, how I love 'em!! :-)

It's finally a beautiful summer day in NYC!!

and all I unapologetically feel like doing is
1) sitting outside in direct sunlight,
2) drinking beers, and
3) having my back stroked by one of these gorgeous backscratchers I spotted in Athens, Greece, several years back...

Taken a few years back in the mountains of Southwestern China, home of the Naxi minority group, where I traveled with my family...they've always had the travel bug...lucky me!! :-)

Taken on the Amalfi Coast again...

I think the cardboard lady faces rule...wish we had them in the US.

I love this picture I took a few years back on the Amalfi Coast, Italy.

It has so many elements that make me happy...vespas, Italy, the sea, puppies, people who love puppies :-)

Taken last summer in Venice...

Makes me think of the documentary I watched a few nights ago called Style Wars about the early history of graffiti artists, breakdancers, djs and hip hop...worth checking out...

Is the little guy looking on with fear or with yearning??

Smoking is bad for your skin. This guy's 19 years old.

Taken at the Yangtze River, in Yunnan Province, China where China, Tibet and Burma share a border...

This woman is a member of a matriarchical tribe...just takin' a breather!

Thought I'd start this week on a serious note...

A Shrine to David Hasselhoff:

Say it isn't so!!!

It was so nice to get away last summer to Florence, Italy for a wedding. My better half had never been to Venice so we joined the masses of tourists that ARE Venice in the summer...

Imagine our American pride when we arrived at the spectacularly played out but still spectacular! Piazza San Marco! and came upon trashcans overflowing with McDonald's!!

It is simply a beautiful day in lovely NYC.

Am reminiscing about gorgeous summer days in Tokyo when the Japanese Greasers come out of the woodwork to share their talent.

TOO HOT TO HANDLE, if you ask me!!

I think it's finally spring in NYC...it's going to be 80 degrees today! Yay!!!

It's a rare instance that pastels make me happy.

As I sit here, feeling sorry for myself because the weather has been sucking and all sources point to it continuing to suck, I also feel bad for my parents!!