Freezing rain + sleet + snow = CUDDLE TIME!!!

Just remember to mention these things to your valentine on repeat:

1) It's soooo cold
2) Brrrrrrr
3) I desperately need to be loved ~ hold me ~

Thanks to lovely Leila, I got to go to the Colbert Report last night with Lily!! It was too much fun. The only downside of the experience was that as typical but still unfortunate nonetheless, they don't allow you to take photos inside the studio - so you'll just have to make do with these photos and watch the show!

Eager beavers:

Oh god. You really let us down last night by not saving us from these people. I had never actually met this specimen before so I didn't have evidence that they existed until last night - they actually believe Colbert's persona and think he's an awesome far-right republican like O-Reilly who speaks the truth. They were drunk and so irritating. The warm-up comic had to bring out a humongous shotgun prop to attempt to silence them. In the end, social pressure and the buzz wearing off sort of shut them up...sort of.

And look at who we befriended! A cute fluffball that most likely belongs to someone working at the Colbert Report. I'm jealous of this person for two reasons.

On the way home Lily, a long time lover of Montel, was psyched to find his studio!

Colbert and his team were fantastic - Colbert is of course blessed with the most hilariously expressive face and bundle of talent, mega-brains and star power. His production team was impressive - organized and communicative and seemed to be having a great time working! The warm-up comic was hilarious. It was a super fun experience - highly recommended!

Thanks again to Leila for the great gift and to Lily for being my date!

In case you were wondering what an Abo is...

I finished the crossword in 15 minutes. And I wasn't even rushing. Can you? Huh? Huh?

Yes, I'm trying to start a crossword war with you.

I apologize for my jejune behavior.

BuzzFeed is awesome and looking for awesome people to join the team!

but fortunately for them, there are honest and un-begrudging* NYC cab drivers!

Cheap woman who's also a diamond seller (and loser apparently) gets her rocks back even though she only tipped 30 cents on an $11 cab ride!!

* I will replace un-begrudging with a real word with similar meaning when one occurs to me.

** Thanks to my bro for always keeping his ear to the ground!

Delicious, authentic soba can be had at Soba Koh. Yes, it's pretty cool to be in online proximity with David Chang of Momofuku Ssam Bar. You may recall a post in the past about this yummy restaurant!

The Metropolitan Diary section of the New York Times provides a good little glimpse into my love affair with Manhattan.

Dear Diary:

On the bus: Lady enters with very small dog held in bag and stands in front of undersigned and kids.

Kids: "What's the dogs name?"

Lady: "Zac."

Kids: "As in Zachary?"

Lady: "No, as in Prozac. He's my Prozac."

Roger Bernstein

Jonah told me this morning that 10 minutes after I fell asleep last night while Jonah was still reading we had this conversation:

Andrea bursts out laughing.

Andrea: Ugh. God, I'm trying to sleep!

No idea what the monkey statue was but I bet it was funny!!

1) I hate math more than I thought I did.

2) I love words - so much so I now subscribe to dictionary.com's word of the day and carry around this dictionary for fun.

3) Doing the New York Times crossword puzzles is up there in my top three favorite pastimes. Unfortunately I shouldn't have rediscovered this while studying for the GRE.

This quote adorns his otherwise busted website:

To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy.

-Bette Davis

* His expertise is accounting for people in the creative industries such as artists, filmmakers, and actors. Let me know if you want his contact info!

A fantastic Graffiti Research Lab (of Eyebeam) & Anti Advertising Agency collaboration:

At Mary's birthday dinner last night I had the good fortune of running into accosted Ziggy to take a picture with me. I was slightly embarassed at my audacity and borderline rudeness but secretly proud of my audacity and borderline rudeness.

I wonder if I'll ever think of him as being a real person named James Ransome, or PJ as Mary calls him or if he'll forever and always be Ziggy to me, the total fuck up son of Sobotka who nevertheless occupies a special spot in my heart (the part of my heart reserved for The Wire characters).

Thanks for the picture Zig! It made my night! I hope I didn't ruin yours! :-)

Last night was Mary's super fun 55th* birthday dinner (I know, she has aged well!) - not only did about 300 people show up but a very exciting (to me) presence was also there - that was your teaser - stay tuned for the next post to find out (people expect too much instant gratification these days - not here, not on AndreaHarner.com!). This will be the format of this blog going forward - I string you along with a teaser you're barely interested in, then when I reveal it to you, you discover either that you're even more uninterested in my niche obsessions or that you're into it too!...about half as much as I am. We are a partnership - let's keep it up!

Pretty Mary:

Shy Mary:

Dirty Mary:

* JK...Rowling. She turned 30. We all have to face the music sometime.

* Bed, Bath & Beyond, Sixth Ave @ 18th St.

We made the brilliant decision last Saturday evening to check out the Momofuku Ssam Bar which recently received a great write-up in New York Magazine. It included this great photo of the unapologetically carnivorous chef David Chang:

We got there at 7:15 and the place was packed - mind you it was Saturday night in NYC (we thought it was highly unlikely we'd be able to be seated but figured it was worth a shot) and were told it was a 45 minute wait. We put our name down and walked down a block to a wine bar, had a glass of wine and 30 minutes later returned. We waited 5 minutes and then were seated - a surprisingly pain free experience! Plus, the vibe was fantastic - the excitement as a result of the NY mag coverage was palpable:

The restaurant is primarily a long counter with a few tables behind the counter:

We were seated at a great spot at the counter, in front of the bright, open and bustling kitchen:

And look who we saw hard at work:

The famous (infamous to vegetarians) chef David Chang himself!

I was slightly worried because contrary to everyone else in NYC I am unimpressed with the Momofuku Noodle Bar. I am a noodle connoisseur and can bore you to death with the subtleties of every kind of noodle dish and let me tell you - that ramen is bland and fatty - not yummy. Nonetheless we ordered full speed ahead!

First came the oysters for Jonah which he, before devouring, made me taste one and it was the first and only oyster I've ever enjoyed. Jonah popped it in my mouth and said, "close your eyes and imagine you're in the sea" and that's all it took. I could hear the Little Mermaid soundtrack and I was an octopus, dancing and singing and having fun with my ocean friends. That's how it has to be for me ~under the sea~ !

Then came the brussel sprouts and squid salad which were both so flavorful and tasty! These two adjectives are a thread in this meal - nothing bland here!

The Korean burritos which this restaurant started out serving exclusively were truly delicious;

This is what it looks like to eat a korean burrito with hoochie nails:

Here's a ham eating a korean burrito:

The pork sausage wraps were also to die for:

And finally for dessert, the mochi ice cream was not great but was good. The salted apples were interesting and quite good.

Super duper contented and delighted...we'll definitely be back!!

I have wanted to try long, acrylic nails (aka hoochie) for the longest time...I finally did it! It's important to notice however that I made a very clever decision which was to choose the healthier alterative: Virtual nails from Dashing Diva which don't necessiate you shaving down your nails to glue on the acrylic - virtual nails need no shaving down, just glueing!

I did made the horrible mistake though of asking for them to be long - I coudn't text, I couldn't type, I couldn't button my jacket, I COULDN'T PUT IN OR TAKE OUT MY CONTACTS - I never realized that women with these nails are effectively, cripples.

I've since had them cut down but here they were originally:

And here's me, the nails and looking like a tranny!

You too can achieve this look - good times!

Constantly open in my browser and often referenced:

Couples swap! JK ROWLING!!! How dare you think such an unseemly thing! Shame on you.

Look at how cute these people are...especially in the middle and to the right:

Can you guess which liqueur I'm most intrigued by but also know that it's certain to taste disgustingly like egg???

This past Sunday was one of those perfect Sundays. Everything seemed on the up and up so I suggested to Jonah, "let's have a boozy lunch!" We headed to Otto where we've had fun memories of eating and drinking at and around the bar...on weekdays only. New York is of course almost entirely unmanageable on the weekends due to crowds, too many drunk people and crowds. Sunday at 3:30 at Otto almost counts as a weekday because it's such an off time - we successfully had a weekday-like experience.

There are few things more exciting then sitting at one of the window nooks by the bar, studying the menu in great anticipation:

Champers!

An ad for Otto:

All done! Satiated...

This new camera is perfect because it doesn't capture life as it is, it captures life as a drunkard sees it!

Contented couple:

* It's a bit of a splurge but highly recommended for special occasions!

I found myself looking this up while studying for the GRE:

* Chinatown, NYC

During a jaunt back to NYC, Zee paid me a visit - she also managed to lose her passport but who needs to bring that up?!

It is always a true pleasure to play with silly Zee.

OK. Over. We're easily bored.

Thanks to Andy Ortiz for the photos!

We played Wii at Meg and Jason's the other night and ow, it still kind of hurts to move my right arm around. If you're like me and like to be dramatic with your tennis serves and hardcore in your upper cuts you'll be extremely sore for days. I think that using the elliptical machine at the gym might be easier than a Wii Fitness Plan. Never thought the gym would be the easier option.

Late last year, this little baby was born to Chris and Amy. I am delighted to see that she is already a very funny gal and am looking forward to more! Congrats on the great procreation, guys!

My all-time favorite of Natalie so far:

Yay! I'm the ruler of this household!

~Feelin' irie~

Sometimes I fear people. They're still new and weird to me. NJ, take it from me - it doesn't get any better!

Mirror image of me sleeping:

P.S. I had a strange but certainly true premonition when looking at the Natalie's Funny Faces page: I am certain that when I have a baby my photo albums will consist of only that category, the best category - funny faces!!

It has two strips of chocolate and it's hearty and fluffy. It is divine. $2.50 plus tax.

Thanks to Jonah I now have this gorgeous little camera to replace my old Pentax point and shoot. The Zeiss lens and the interface are already extremely promising and it's gorgeous of course.

My laptop is still nice to look at but the static sound problem persists and is so annoying! What is wrong with Apple?? Design doesn't have to be at the expense of function!

Took the diagnostic test on Saturday and am certain when the teacher passes back my test this Saturday she'll be looking around the room for a retarded person to hand it to.

For acing my classes last semester!

Those who are fortunate enough to know me get to hear me go and on about how I don't like sweets. Well...As Walt Whitman wisely said, "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes."

So here is one of the few sweets I adore - the creme brulee - this one is a mini one from Ceci Cela on Spring & Lafayette - the cuter the better of course:

P.S. In case you were gearing up to say creme brulee is like pizza in that 'pizza is like sex, even when it' s bad it's good'...stop, you're dead wrong. Bad creme brulee is horrific and no cute analogy could save it.

Thanks to Jonah for surprising me with this the other night - deeelish!

Update: Never went back to sleep. Operating on 4 hours of sleep. Fun!

Thoughts of a jet lagging fool:

Am I using too much of my GMail storage? I should check on that.

Maybe I should pluck my eyebrows. Yeah, I should get up and pluck 'em. Leave them thicker where they begin but thinner as they go out. Yeah, that's gonna be AWESOME!

Just arrived in Shanghai. Going to bed and am almost guaranteed to dream about the $5, hour-long massage my mom suggested me getting tomorrow...in the meantime, here's a little New York City for you!

* Mott between Prince & Houston.

are delicious!

I'll be dreaming of them while eating coach plane food - yay!

I have a Q and I'm hoping you'll have an A.

We have three "building guys". One is the super and the other two are like handy men who also give you your packages. Our super was recently fired and a new super started about a month and a half ago. So far he seems better than the last super. Last year I gave $60 to each guy. This year two things have changed: 1) I've been told that it's customary to give the higher up guy, in this case the super, more than the other guys and 2) the new super just started which changes the equation if holiday bonuses are for work done in the previous year. What do you guys think? How much should I give to 1) super and 2) building guy and 3) building guy?

Thank you, my generous readers!

Updated update: This problem can't be fixed because I'm on my second new laptop with the same problem and other people have the same issue. I think it's clearly a manufacturing defect.

Update: Jason heard the noise - I'm not crazy in case you thought I was!

I recently purchased a cute little black MacBook. It was great except for one thing: the static noise that invariably sounded every time I opened the laptop and woke it from sleep. A second or two after opening it I could hear a static sound and then another static sound and that's it. It wasn't the most annoying thing in the world but considering how much laptops cost it was worth trying to fix the problem. But first, I had to make sure someone other than me and Jonah heard it (you never know, he could just be humoring his high-strung wife) so I had my IT friend Jorge listen for the noise and thank god he heard it. Being the no-nonsense guy that he is (that's why we're friends - that and our love of Bette Davis movies) he suggested I take the laptop to the "Genius" Bar and since I had just gotten it it was likely they'd give me a new one. The next day I showed up for my appointment at the "Genius" Bar and the guy took the laptop away from the crowd assuring me he would go to a very quiet room to listen for the problem. Of course he heard nothing. After a few more unsuccessful auditory tries and a checking of the hard drive which turned out to be ok, I left with my tail and MacBook between my legs.

Ok but that couldn't be the ending. A few days went by and I was pissed. I have to get the "geniuses" on my side! I made another appointment and trekked back there determined to make this work. I insisted that I accompany the guy to the quietest room available and we entered a top-secret back room with two guys working hard (on a new purple MacBook which comes with an operating system called Mac Paisley Park and it's main feature is that all your operations and commands are narrated by Prince's voice - sorry, I digress and fantasize). We all became intently quiet as I opened my laptop and thank god they all heard it. My genius led me back to the bar and ran the disk to check the hard drive (again) to make sure everything was working properly and of course it was. The genius/guy with working ears who was a little stand-offish in the beginning was now interested in the freshmen chicks he was simultaneously helping so he flexed his authority muscle (yay! flex! flex!) and got me a new laptop. After a few hours of transferring all my files onto this new laptop, I was good to go! Thank you Apple, thank you! And I don't mean you, Apple Martin.

I came home, opened my brand brand new laptop and...static, static. SAME STATIC NOISES.

Geniuses! I give up!!! I can't take it anymore! I'm tired from oscillating between hating Apple, loving Apple, hating Apple....I've been taken for a ride. I'm just tired. I want a laptop without defects. Is that possible? Genius? Genius?? Genius???

...my desktop wallpaper:

Thank you everyone for all your great feedback! I have an appointment to speak with the director of graduate admissions tomorrow at John Jay. Some of you know that I recently visited John Jay but that time I, for what's still an unknown reason, visited the Criminal Justice department. Then, I was horrified to discover it was Police Academy. Not sure what I didn't understand about criminal + justice in the program description. Anyway let's hope this works out - this blog could get very gory very quickly - yay!

Amy in China, I look forward to discussing creative projects with you in Shanghai on the 23rd - soon!

P.S. Sitting in the passport agency waiting for my number to be called is not as much fun as you'd imagine. Really looking forward to the wait at the Chinese Consulate tomorrow!

We're on #620 and I'm #682 so just 62 people to go!! So so so close I can taste it!

you reach for that Japan Airlines in-flight kit for the socks contained within because it's the only clean pair of socks within sight.

Must buy socks today. Must buy socks today Feel free to chant along. Must buy socks today.

They're just so boring to buy. Any ideas for how to jazz up sock-shopping?

You know how you can tell just by peering out your window that today's an especially cold day? Not only are people dressed like eskimos, you can see that their lips are moving as they mutter to themselves, "holy f8&^)ng sh-t, it is cold today."

Back in the '80's Vanity Fair EIC Graydon Carter and gal-pal Kurt Andersen started a satirical magazine called Spy. As publications of this nature are wont to do, Spy had a bunch [OF] targets whose skin it liked to get under, as it were, but none more than the man himself, Donald Trump (who the mag affectionately referred to as a "the short-fingered vulgarian"). One of Spy's more famous pranks (which we *won't* be shamelessly ripping off at some point in the near future) was sending 64-cent checks to a bunch of millionaires (see: today's billionaires) to see who would cash their respective pots of gold. Whoever did so was subsequently sent a 32-cent check, then a 16-cent check and so on and so forth. According to Carter, Trump and one other cheapskate Saving Susan were the only ones to cash in all the way down to 16. The other day, Trumpskie denied having done so, shared TMI, and offered a scathing and hirsute observation:

You'll have to click here for his humble refutation!

P.S. [OF] was inserted by yours truly. Dealbreaker, you have a great site but man, proofread! Edit!! It's not just this post but all over!

I realize this greeting is early but it's better to be safe than sorry! Remember that when you're messing up in 2007.

* Taken at the College Humor Christmas party over the weekend.

Meow.

Here's my favorite artwork from the BuzzFeed office. No doubt it will now be yours too.

Thanks Mark for taking this glam shot!

Go out and buy this album right now and play it on repeat. Just so you never have to miss a beat. Christmas music everywhere you go and then the Chipmunks when you're in your office or home.

I love Christmas music!!!!!!

It's weird - Christmas time is the only time I have fantasies of living uptown. It must be the 80s movies I watched as a kid that imprinted the Christmas music, snow and uptown New York City connection in my little brain.

~Ding, dong, ding, dong, Christmas bells are ringing!~

P.S. Only if you're a true hipster do you admit to the truth - you love Christmas music.

Unsuspecting European tourists engage in what's called the "couple look" in Japan and it's not pretty, folks.

* Union Square

Hope your Thanksgiving was as fun (endless stories of Thanksgiving past) and loving (lots of public making out) as ours was!

Our delicious dead bird:

Our dead bird fister:

Sally's butternut squash inspired me to become a soup maker in my future - high hopes abound!

Nixon's Red Snapper was a delightful albeit untraditional addition to the table:

Our feast - more food than these skinny New Yorkers knew what to do with!

Duncan's eating style - it's a lot for us to endure but we do it:

Duncan, Leila, Nixon, Sally, Jeff and Jonah:

Peretti-Harner:

Thanks to Duncan for hosting (for the second year in a row!) and for Sally and Nixon for cooking!!

What often happens is that I'm standing in a pizza line next to a big guy and two pizza slices come fresh out of the oven for us. The server takes a look at me and then at him and gives me the smaller piece and him the bigger piece.

JUST BECAUSE I'M THIN DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE SMALLER FOOD!!!!

* Angus (showing tongue) and Ruby courtesy of Julie.

Mr. & Mrs. BuzzFeed who will be your hosts for the evening!

Introducing Peggy's pooch Lambert!

And here's Peggy (left) and her band The Ethnic Strokes. JK! That's a joke band and not her real band but they look like rockers and that's what counts!

People and Jay-Z:

The preppies:

They always stick together:

Hanging out:

Sweet:

Not sweet:

Jonah talks to Bill while Lead Designer Chris and his very pregnant wife leave us early to give birth:

Two cute things:

Two even cuter things!!!

I think someone's not allergic to Lambert! And someone loves Lambert!

Look at how blue Meg's eyes are!

Doublemint twins:

Having Lambert/Lammy/Lambchop around was too much fun:

The End:

New York City is so awesome sometimes it's hard to believe I get to live here. This Saturday while finishing up a lovely, leisurely brunch Jonah got an email saying Jay-Z was about to give a concert on the pier at 13th Street. We walked over there and because Jay-Z's on tour promoting his new album Kingdom Come, people got in for free (your price of admission was being bombarded by aggressive and ubiquitous brand marketing). The next thing you knew we were waiting for Jay-Z to come on stage. I love Jay-Z (not as much as the girl 10 feet behind us standing on a platform screaming and crying that she loved Jay-Z) and I love outdoor concerts (even if it wasn't the warmest day) so I was very happy. After the concert, still unable to wipe the grin off my face nor quell the excited squeals, "I can't believe we just got to see Jay-Z!!", we poured out with the concert crowd into the meatpacking district where we discovered we were in the middle of a movie set. Judging by the crashed bus and blown up cabs, it was either that Will Smith movie or Speed 5.

Only in New York City. I love you New York City! I love you Jay-Z!

Diamonds in the sky!

There's my boy! He was wearing a dope white jacket with safety pin emblems all over it.

30 is the new 20! Sally's eyeballs are very shy.

Thanks to Evan for the email!

Jonah's new site BuzzFeed just launched and it's a super fun site if you like good things and the internet!

Currently I'm most excited about Casino Royale, Unboxing and Oxfords. Ooooh, Eating endangered species really hits the spot too though...so tough to choose my favorite!

How bout you?

You know it's a good sign when the only photos you have from your big night that you promised yourself you'd document the crap out of, are these.

This is how to drink a car bomb - watch closely, it's complex:

Let's get in an awkward line!

The carbombed happy filmmakers - Smile, Sally! You're having fun!

Post-party involved a scenic walk through Chinatown in my Prince heels. Thanks for pointing out the giant crab, Duncan and Anne!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun will be posted soon! We're just waiting on Cyndi Lauper's approval.

Yes, Kate Moss, you are.

I think Kate Moss is the most beautiful woman in the world and I think it's weird that so many women feel this way about her too, yet she seems pretty personality-less (except if a fondness of coke equals personality). So I ask you, my dear readers who are equally ready to support and respect me as you are to burn me at the stake...Do you agree that Kate Moss is the most beautiful woman in the world?...and...Isn't is disturbing that the woman so many of us think easily holds this title seems to have much more personal style than personality? The obvious retort is that she's private and good at being private however I don't buy that. I'm not so sure I'd enjoy hanging out with her. So what do you have to say to that?!

* This post is dedicated to Anil Dash, Stuart Michie and everyone else who recognized the title of this post as a Prince song and to Peggy Wang for the great link after a discussion where we agreed on Kate Moss' superior style status and to Lily Whitall for loving Kate Moss as unreasonably as I do.

We saw this sign on display in front of a gaggle of puppies for sale in a pet store on 6th Avenue.

I walked over to Bellevue.

I miss a good rear cleaning:

* Taken by Megu (Meg in Japanese) at Megu .

PAPER CUTS.

Last night I dreamed that my friend's husband was a philanderer. I was over at their house and my friend was asleep because she was pregnant and tired. I soon discovered that her husband was also expecting a child with the woman he was cheating on his wife with. This woman was also there and starting to get crabby - might have had something to do with being pregnant and in the house of her 'boyfriend's' wife. I remember thinking I have to tell my friend about this! But isn't there some conventional wisdom about how you'll never be appreciated as a friend for exposing that sort of thing and that it's better to let her figure it out because it's just a matter of time before she does anyway? Anyway I woke up stressed about this wondering what I should do...

...which reminded me of a dream I had a few weeks ago. I discovered that a friend I haven't seen in a long time was a heroin addict. I remember thinking it's not that suprising that she's a heroin addict but it's still horrific of course and I was trying to figure out the best way to help her. When I woke up I told Jonah about it and was really getting into various ways of addressing the situation and he said, "you know, _____ isn't a heroin addict." And I was like, "oh right."

Yet I continued to imagine how I would break the news. I'd handwrite a letter with a quill pen beginning with the line, "all my dreams come true" and then "I dreamed your husband is having a child with another woman" or "I dreamed you love heroin."

But then I think better of it of course as I'm reminded that although they seem as real as my waking life my dreams are just dreams. I just hope that one day I won't slip up and say,"hope you kicked that cheating bastard to the curb!" or "are you on methodone yet?"

* Names have been withheld to protect the poor, innocent, unsuspecting souls who have their reputations tarnished by my subconscious.

Last Saturday, after a ferocious celebration on Friday night of a certain event which I am not yet at liberty to tell, we headed to the country in search of a fun time checking out country houses - this is a New Yorker's idea of window shopping.

But of course we first had to suffer through the rental car experience...so much apathy behind the counter, so much frustration in front of the counter. Remember, we were also "reduced" that day thanks to secret celebration the night before (stay tuned, the reason will be told!).

My head hurt which made it harder for me to be the charming 'backseat driver in the passenger seat' person that I am but I managed.

Even though it was a sporadically rainy day the drive up was beautiful:

Duncan our happy navigator was also in on the celebration hence the red eyes and hanging-on-for-dear-life expression:

We were an hour and a half from the city and there were trees. Trees! TREES!! We talked a lot about trees that day:

We met with the broker to see the place that looked good to me online - what they call a log home - there's the old nestler!

Except it wasn't that much of a nestler you see - notice the road - this was a major dissapointment as my whole point of a country house is to leave the city noises such as cars, behind. Also, the cabin albeit cute on the outside would have needed work on the inside - not a perfect fit:

Canadian flag:

It had a cute shed:

And better yet, just behind the house, atop the hill was a treehouse! Well, a treehouse platform.

Treehouse shenanigans:

There would never have been enough goading to get me up there:

Never:

The view from the bottom of treehouse if you're too scared to climb up :

Orchards!

View from the treehouse:

Zoomed in:

When the broker realized I wanted to be as far away from the street as possible she showed us a plot of land for sale, further in from the raod and adjacent to the log home land - they are for sale together if anyone's interested! - I work on commission.

The only problem with this land was that there was a McMansion (ok, almost a McMansion but not quite - still offensive though) bordering one side of the land. We realized it would be possible for the devoted to buy both plots and carve out a different entrance to avoid ever seeing the McMansion - it would still keep me up at night though - but otherwise the land was ideal:

The path in:

Cute mushrooms grow wildly in the country!

The beautiful view from within plot of land:

Assessing the situation - so if we went in on this together, how much would it cost to buy both plots of land, have the cabin be for guests and build a dream cabin here?!

More awesome tall trees!

Needless to say we left the country empty-handed but exploring the country and country houses sure is fun - highly recommended activity for city mice!

The End:

* Red Hook, NY in Dutchess County.

I came across these horse photographs in a Soho gallery and corresponding Guess ads flashed before my eyes. I think you'll see how this makes sense. Enjoy the exhibition.

This beautiful and wistful horse:

flashed this before my eyes:

and this horse love image:

conjured this image:

Agreed? Thank you!

A male oriented site that I happen to love for its writing and impressively good picks is Thrillist. The site turned one years old yesterday so we celebrated by drinking free bud lights and suffering for it today. Sure was fun though!

Teeth! Show me teeth!!

Jonah's a good sport about advertising the sponsor's product:

It was suprisingly fun for being in a club in Chelsea - good music and good vibes - although it's my loss for getting there too late to see Throwdini in action.

Duncan was mesmorized by the pretty ladies until I told him they were really young. Then he wasn't interested at all.

You should go to Bond & Bowery and you will not have lied.

Rat party 24/7.

The other night we were hanging out in our living room when we heard loud, angry yelling that sounded like this: "Bitch, I know you live on the third floor!! Why won't you come down here, you slut? Are you too fucking scared, you cunt? Tell me what apartment you live in! I've gotta gun on me. I swear I'll come up there!" Except I missed the gun part. I was so annoyed at how loud and offensive he was being that I yelled, "shut up!" out the window which of course riled him up (good job, Andrea, lots accomplished!) He then repeated the gun thing and Jonah suggested we call the cops. I was completely amazed at this option which I hadn't even remotely thought of. So he called and reported this guy. I heard him describe him as wearing as a white hat, white sneakers and black t-shirt and jeans. Then he answered what was obviously a question about the boy's race and said, "white or hispanic...can't really tell, maybe sounds hispanic...not sure". He then declined to leave our phone number and when he go off the phone he said, "Isn't it funny that the race options were black, hispanic, white and no mention of asian?? Especially since we are so close to Chinatown???" And I thought, MODEL MINORITY!!!! YEEEEAAAHH!!!

Listen up people. The buck stops here. And now. The New York City filming commission (or whatever) needs to exercise *a lot more discretion* when deciding what movie can film here!!

Let me explain: After class last night I walked down Fifth Ave towards Washington Square Park to meet Jonah on the other side of the park for dinner (sushi for two is an easy, rewarding and romantic menu choice). I was about to cross the park when I was stopped by kids (ok fine, early to mid-twenties PAs) waving red flags saying, "there's no southbound traffic through the park, but you can go east and west!!" People were generally compliant and complacent although a few people nearly wrestled the PAs to get into their building - their residence - their home. I made the mistake of asking, why the disruption? The answer: "It's a Will Smith movie about how he's the last person alive in Manhattan with zombies!!"

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!! A WILL SMITH-ZOMBIE MOVIE???!!! AND HE AND THE STUDIOS MAKE A GAZILLION DOLLARS WHILE THE FINE, TAX-PAYING PEOPLE OF NEW YORK ARE MORE THAN TRIVIALLY INCONVENIENCED IN THEIR OWN CITY???!!

Now do you understand??!!!

P.S. Had it been a Woody Allen or Scorcese movie it would have been fine.

We had one of the most delightful nights at the Sugar Bar a few weeks ago. It's all about great live open-mic music (but it doesn't suck, it's fantastic), mostly oldies but goodies like Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder...and if you're lucky...

This lovely lady will sing Janet's What Have You Done For Me Lately? again:

You'll terrify that she'll fall during one of her dance convulsions but mostly you'll feel invigorated by her red hot energy:

Ladies of the night:

Yes, Sally and I always coordinate wearing a single, dark, luscious color plus gold earrings.

is a new burger joint down the street.

It elicits varied responses:

My two-second review: Nice, relaxing, spacious atmosphere, burgers are ok considering they make the serious mistake of not asking to what degree you like it cooked because they cook it their way, and the wait staff needs more experience.

Oh! Perfect!

* Broadway @ Spring

I am loving Mark's blog even though ever since the birth of his baby Josephine (nickname Bean) he only blogs about his ____ (insert the obvious). But you know what they say about good writing, food, etc! It doesn't matter what the subject is if it's done well! Well, I have evidence of that...not to mention that it's delightful to see a friend and new father enjoying his new ____ so much.

Excerpt:

Side note: I have realized the only way to scare off the few remaining readers of this semi annually posted weblog is to post only about the new baby.

Side note side note: It is not lost on me that I have become a guy that lives in Park Slope, Brooklyn, has a baby, and blogs about her. My dreams of moving to the lower east side and contracting hep B in the bathroom of some hipster bar somewhere are lost forever.

I won't ruin the surprise of the animated gif which aptly demonstrates baby goggles.

I get so much joy from this little octopus living in our bathtub. Every morning it's like, "Hey, Octopus! So happy to see you! What's shaking this morning? I love you, I love you, I love you!"

Your very own bathtub friend can be adopted here.

Two nights ago while Jonah and I were walking up Elizabeth street from Canal, we crossed paths with Ziggy Sobotka at around Grand street. Ziggy and I met eyes and I thought, Ziggy doesn't seem nearly as dumb as he is on the show and that folks, was my first lesson in 'TV is not real and actors are not their characters'.

If you don't already watch The Wire, do it now! Tell your boss with a really grim look on your face that you have to leave as "there's been an emergency" and don't say "emergency", spell it out like it's just too emotionally heavy to say ("there's been an e-m-e-r-g-e-n-c-y") and he won't question you further. He'll also never want to talk to you again for putting him in such an awkward situation.

One guy to his friend: "Your nose is what I want. Like, seriously".

This is not photoshopped. This is not staged. This is this cute. And I know cute.

Thanks to Gabby for popping this puppy out!

Alex's new book is out and we went to celebrate at his book launch party!

Cyrus Klinenberg was also in attendance because he's an alert fan:

Although he got distracted at one point and started playing baby whisperer to mother on the verge of delivery Sue Murray:

Sounds healthy...Sounds CUTE!

It's inevitable that your son morphes into you at some point - here's a physical example:

Congrats on your book, Alex!

While celebrating Arianna's new book On Becoming Fearless at a frightfully fancy and fantastic Upper East side home, I bumped into my ex-husband Charlie Rose:

Arianna spoke, Paul Hipp sang:

And we posed with a chandelier - it's simply good PR:

I usually don't like themed parties, or rather, I was never that girl that got super into it and hoped everyone else would too but I have to admit, it certainly changes up the environment and gives your eyeballs a treat! Jonah and I cheated because we had just been to Arianna's book party so were dressed up.

Slim Jims'll keep you slim and happy!

And gross:

Jonah and his new company's science advisor! Are they ahead of the curve or in trouble??!!

For the record and total transparency, I would have worn these green tights in the 7th grade when I went through a psychadelic colored Benetton clothing phase - I would have paired it with a magenta top:

Sssshhh, don't tell:

Hey, let's hang out in the kitchen! It always was the most fun place at house parties:

These boots are made for sitting:

Oh dear. Do you prefer the armpit-baring flex?

or the more civilized flex? Or no flex at all? That's ok too.

Oh my gosh, Bud Light is sooooooo good!

Hey qt!

HEY QT!

Through thick and thin (stealing a cab from someone who was clearly there before you and wife beatings), JC Loves U.

Interspersed through photos of last last Saturday night are photos of the Old Police Building on Centre St. which we were across the street from half of the evening, sitting/standing on a fire escape and is the building that if I had my wish, would be my residence.

* Those of you who picked up on the title of this post as being a Grateful Dead song, congratulations, you're also a hippie.

People reading Kant, Hegel and Kierkegaard dress in all black.

A new and awesome addition to the corner of 23rd & 10th Ave is this piece of art. Talk about something to look at and think about...

*"The Memory of Truth" by Ligorano/Reese at the Jim Kempner gallery.

I tear up imagining his sweet morning ritual - brushing out his locks, one stroke, two strokes, 100 brush strokes, encasing the heart and soul of his rattail and voila, leather and feather extensions!

* From Coney Island '03. I saved this photo for years, just waiting for that right time and I know you're thinking, she really picked the right time to share this with us! You're welcome.

** More on rattails.

Back in NYC...just in time for the Washington Square Park Star Wars Kid Convention!

Who's going to be eliminated on Project Runway tonight??!!

Last week our friend Annie Maxwell came over to watch the show and it was then that we wrote our guesses for the final three contestants - so far so good but will our cute little time capsules make it past tonight??!! Only sweet sweet time will tell...

Alright, people. It's....back to school time!!! Lesson #1: How to Roll a Blunt

Now this is the kind of entrepreneurial spirit I like! Take a common human problem (ie blunt rolling ignorance) and meet that with a clever solution (instructional booklet).

It's especially entrepreneurial in my book if you engage in some degree of copyright infringement:

Jonah said he thought I'd really enjoy doing something similar to which I replied, "you mean like write a book and sell it on the street?" And he said, "it doesn't have to be a book but I think you'd love the hustle." Noted and noted!!

It's neither cool nor punk rock to smoke while pregnant.

The other night we discovered how fun of a game Apples 2 Apples is. There's no right and wrong, just plenty of room for creative word association and subjective judging!! For example, two cards from which the players had to play off of were put on the table : Casual and Demanding. Is there any other game where you can put down your Anne Frank* card and get rewarded for hilarity?? No. Another good play was in response to the cards, Elitist and Lucky...of course Ghandi was the obvious choice. Love this game!!

* Although Jason reluctantly put this card down as as he's more of a logical player, the best play of the night award still goes to him - congrats!

** Meg gets an award for deeming HMOs the winner in face of Creative and Frazzled cards instead of Indiana Jones and the award goes to Jonah for successfully lobbying for his HMOs card as the obvious choice over Indiana Jones.

FYI, Mondays through Fridays almost 24 hours a day, I can be found on the 1st or 2nd floors of 87 Walker Street.

Please don't let me become a beauty school drop-out. Please don't let me become a beauty school drop-out. Please don't let me become a beauty school drop-out.

This weekend we went to see the Lizards & Snakes ALIVE! exhibit at the Natural History Museum and let me tell you, it is snaketacular and totally worth slithering.

We started out in the earth and space center and after a quick weigh-in, that was enough of that jazz for me - we were off to find the animals!

On our way to the more interesting stuff I noticed this - a photo of a packet of photos that an astronaut left on the moon. I don't appreciate this glorification of littering, Natural History Museum!

The Giant (ly Awesome) Squid:

In its grand, fake entirety:

Then it was time for some IMAX: A Journey into Amazing Caves. IMAX is as always visually stunning and it never gets old to watch it surrounded by tons of kids, all asking their parents questions every second of the movie (I find this truly adorable - no joke!) But why does the narrator sound normal while the featured characters always talk so slowly and weirdly? Jonah explained that they talk that way for children to better understand - well, it's creepy.

And then we were in the special exhibit - no line really - probably because it's a pretty small exhibit which is unfortunate but it's still worth visiting to check out the lizards and snakes up close!

Jonah and the Whale Burmese Python:

I love this posse of folks:

I'm stuck on you too, boo.

Gecko!!! Look at how big and cute your paws are!!

The Blue-Tongued Skinks are a beautiful pattern of pink and black. I can see the beautiful handbag already - that's how my mind works - I'm very creative:

Hey, Mean Green Machine! aka Eastern Green Mamba. Green suits you.

My favorite was the Gabon Viper. His head was wide and flat which made me think the Viper is the snake equivalent of the Hammerhead Shark - get it?

Thanks so much to Kathy Brew(sky) for hooking us up with tickets - really appreciate it!

This is pretty funny! Appreciate the 'tude!

But let me remind you, LA...You're talking about us! You're thinking about us! We occupy your thoughts!!*

* I have no idea why I'm harping on this East coast - West coast thing. I don't really care because...East Coast and Manhattan represent! :-)

Thanks to BrandSpankin for creating this and to KO for spotting this!

I don't know what's happening to me but instead of my usual way of documenting every second of the evening and then constructing a story out of that, I've been taking just a few photos. I strongly suspect it's my memories of spending hours and hours, sorting through thousands and thousands of photos that has haunted me into reduced photo taking. It's nice but then I need to get more creative as I try to construct something, anything, out of these random shots. The profound question to ponder here: "Is less really more??"

We were off to Michael and Michelle's for a dinner party!

Excellent work, Michelle, excellent.

There were other guests present whom I enjoyed meeting and hanging out with but this was the only guest's photo taken:

The dictionary game consists of picking a word that you think no one's ever heard of (most often, you should avoid words with latin roots - too easy!) and then you write down the correct definition while everyone else writes down a made-up definition. All the definitions are read and you do well if you are able to guess the correct definition or if your fake definition is able to fool lots of people.

Where's the photo of us playing the dictionary game?? What do you know? No photo of us playing the game. This photo, courtesy of google images, should serve as a good departure point from which you can imagine a photo of us playing the dictionary game!

Andrea, we all love the dictionary game but it's 3 am. Why don't we let our hosts sleep so that we can play the dictionary game again soon, all recharged!

Thanks to Michael Grey & Michelle Siegel for great company, delicious food and fantastic gaming!

In celebration of CollegeHumor selling to Barry Diller's IAC (the newest IAC employees chanted IAC as they took shots - it was teamwork like I've never seen), they threw a party...at Chevy's no less. Unfortunately and fortunately the drinks were so massive that I snapped a few photos and then I forgot to snap any more after that. Jonah told me I was doing the drunk Andrea thing which is to have a perma-grin, speak slowly and have droppy eyelids to which I defended myself, "NO! My eyelids are just relaxing." FYI, I had two drinks - that's how much it takes to get a thirty year old drunk - you too can look forward to turning into a cheap date.

Chevy's doesn't mess around - I was a happy customer:

So was Jonah:

So was everyone else - open bar, open buffet and not too crowded - first time in Manhattan!

Jacob and Jonah discussing the new mnemonic device contest. Sorry Jacob! Yours was good and clever with the napster theme which would have taught kids well but I guess Michael Jackson's illegal interests trumped that.

Thanks to Ricky (the Ricky that's nowhere to be found in the pictures) for the hospitality and great Chevy's choice - we've dined there every night since Thursday!

Let's discuss, in terms of personality and psychopathology, how a guy with a parrot on his head is different from or similar to a guy who wears a snake around his neck, shall we?

Clarification: I realized I'm old because conversations like the one below are had by young people who view drinking as a worthwhile activity in and of itself and that's highly irritating to me.

1st girl (in an like, oh my gaaahhhhd! voice): I just can't take shots of vodka anymore!

2nd girl (curious as can be): What about tequila???

1st girl (solemnly earnest): Not even tequila.

I walked by, rolled my eyes and realized I'm old...and thank god for that.

Jonah told me this morning that I sleep talked last night and it went like this:

Andrea: His skin is so...white and squishy!

Jonah: Who's skin?

Andrea looks confused then frustrated. Furrowed brow.

Andrea: Ugh. Squid!

Jonah: It's funny because you're sleep talking so I don't know what you're talking about!

Andrea continues to be frustrated, utters ugh again and rolls over.

The End.

P.S. I love squid - alive and dead.

The perfect day is saturated with both low brow amusement and high brow enjoyment!

Start in Coney Island, only exactly 45 minutes on the D train from Broadway-Lafayette and you're there (Oh my god! It's soooo close! I'm going to come here all the time!!)! Stand under the Cyclone and you can get a feel for the relaxing childhood home of Alvy Singer and of course you can enjoy the deliciously politically incorrect Shoot The Freak while pondering how the poor freak kid nuances this summer job.

Admire the strange architecture:

Then dip your twinkle toes in the water and meditate on how often you're really going to make the trip out there:

And it's off to The History Boys a play Celeste and I heard good things about and I'm relieved to say it was good and definitely worth seeing. Parents in town?? You're rich enough to go to the theater?? You're just so sick of only seeing movies and you've decided against the interests of your bank account to become a theater-goer?? You won't be disappointed. I was rather surprised and impressed by the hip use of multi-media against the backdrop of an age-old story (particlarly British) of high school boys prepping to get into college (Oxford & Cambridge of course). Mysteriously light-hearted and strangely grave, this play will have you discussing it for hours! Until the discussion goes back to the Freak of course...

* Thanks to Celeste for a wonderful day of high brow, low brow and everything in between!!
** Please don't forget to eat a Nathan's hot dog while in Coney Island but be warned, have a gallon of water on hand otherwise you'll be parched and your tongue will feel like's a cat's for the next 6 - 8 hours - guaranteed.

Let me tell you, it's been a real bitch waiting for these private residences to be ready.

Get that scaffolding off there and let me move into my peeeeeeenthouuuuuuuse!!!!!

I already have the blonde kid and the Versailles furniture ready.

are a fun place to watch basketball!

* P.s. hope you're looking forward to more posts of the obvious variety!!

While not exactly the same, these should make their way onto your nighttime body. It's especially delightful to wake up and crave raw fish.

* Thanks to Jonah for the best present, a year after we met.

I love this sort of project - it gives voice to people and enable creation as opposed to consumption. It's fantastic - I only wish I had thought to do it!

There's much more here.

Thanks to Lauren for the link!

You kicked off the wrong person:

Update: As Monkeyface suggested in his comment, there are newly released tape recordings of 9/11. I never thought I'd say this but after imaging what it would be like for the loved ones of 9/11 victims, it would behoove Time Warner to program their radio station for holding customers to easy listening.

This just happened and I'm not sure what to think.

In between pressing 1 for English and 0 for Operator were two recordings:

1) Narrator voice: "The call came from the 75th floor of the tower..."

2) Panicked voice: "I can't see and there's smoke." Operator voice: "Is there smoke? There isn't smoke, is there?"

...and then a customer service rep picked up.

I think it's reasonable to say that these were transcripts, real or dramatized from 9/11 but was this a movie preview for World Trade Center? It never said it was. Was this accidentally played to customers on hold?? I couldn't help but think this experience would have been utterly traumatic for someone who was directly affected by 9/11. This experience, meaning, to be on hold with Time Warner. Life is so weird.

Last night I experienced my first Public Theater event in Central Park's gorgeous Delacorte Theater. We saw the debut performance of Mother Courage and Her Children starring the indomitable Meryl Streep and the always commendable Kevin Kline among others. The play originally written by Brecht and translated by Tony Kushner was poignantly directed by George C. Wolf. There were moments when it all seemed too fortunate and too surreal to be sitting in a divine open-air theater, under the stars, witnessing such great actors. To top off the evening as we walked through the serene and magical Central Park near midnight, Jonah explained Brecht's Marxist background, his intentionally didactic play writing and play directing style which forces the viewer to feel alienated and disengaged from the characters and story in order to recognize and be critical of the effects of capitalism on our lives. It was a truly fantastic evening.

If you're a fellow New Yorker who even after five plus years of living and loving NYC has yet to experience Shakespeare in the Park, do so!

Thanks for the unforgettable experience, Kenny!

After over one year, here are the pics from my hen party!

I'm a hen! I'm a bachelorette! I'm a princess. Wearing more makeup than I've ever worn:

Wow! Such useful goods! Penis lollipop, penis necklace, penis tarts. Thanks friends!

Hey, it's a whip gift! It's now in a shambles from overuse:

Plaid, schoolgirl underwear! Sexy!

Small animals are a must at every bachelorette party! You may recall them in action here.

And a t-shirt I continue to glean advice from:

Polaroids, always a crowd-pleaser!

Hey, where's Andrea Spratt??

A quick but necessary photo shoot of me and my lollipop in public:

And then we're en route to the Beauty Bar!

Our cabbie begged to come along with us:

While they got their hair done:

I got my nails done:

And as it always does at hen parties, the conversation steered towards the personal and the profane:

Really?? None of you have ever ______???!!! exclaimed the manicurist:

I swear, I've never ________! I'm so lame.

Stop me.

Gabby's last beer before her pregnancy which recently resulted in this little thing!

Our best Jerri Blank impresson - good? Bad:

Half the hen house:

The other half:

Look at Andrea. That neck. You are the funniest. I miss you, leave LA and come to NYC!!

Since the day we met as 14 year olds, we've been highly attractive, sophisticated individuals:

Easily the craziest of the bunch. They may or may not have ended the night by dancing on stage with the stripper pole, kindly provided at Plan B:

Onto Sing Sing!

This is why I have deep furrow lines!

Get the lady on the right a mic! Quick!!

Work it:

Where's Spratty??

Passion of different degrees:

What, me?? A mic hog??!!

Look at that finger work!

I popped a blood vessel:

Feeling, woah, woah, woah, feeeeeeeeling

Endless Love. Andrea is Lionel Ritchie and Lily is Diana Ross:

Intensity!!

Enough is enough!

The night really should be coming to a close...how about now?

End of the night group shot - who are those other people???

* Thanks to Andrea, Lily, Celeste, Mary, Gabby and Zee for the gifts, the good times and the LOVE.

can be found on Canal Street:

* great shot of Duncan by Jonah.

and drool covering the left side of my face and I was happy - the happiest I've been at 8:30 am in as long as I can remember.

And what do I have to thank for my good fortune?? A big black sheet, tacked over my windows. I hadn't been sleeping well for a while and I couldn't figure it out. I felt like there wasn't enough separation between my waking life and my sleeping life. My stress and anxiety spilled over into my dreams and I was stressed about being that stressed! I'd go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and feel 100% awake and alert which is no fun at 3 am. Then I'd wake up in the morning with a furrowed brow that would remain all day and I'd feel tense from not getting to experience the escape that sleep should provide!

Well folks, take it from me. If you're someone who experiences similar sleeping problems, I strongly encourage you to black out your room as much as possible and let yourself enjoy your first good night of sleep in a long time...even if you drool buckets - it's a sure sign that you're deep in drool sleep.

P.S. I might have overlooked one integral ingredient to last night's sleeping success. Jonah sang Bob Marley medleys to me until I fell asleep. One song seamlessly into another! With extreme emotion and rich accent imitation! That must not be overlooked.

* Andy & Jonah a while ago. Speaking of Andy...if you haven't yet seen The Yes Men, rent it already!

Frida and roses for size. The roses were older than the less than 24 hour old Frida:

She broke free of her cocoon:

Frida and Mommy Gabby!

Me and Frida, old friends:

Congratulations to Gabby, Stephen and Luca Nicosia!!

It was very sweet. Jonah planned a whole evening of surprises.

It began at Balthazar with a kiss for making it to 30 and still looking 19 (just leave this statement alone):

Delicious Steak au Poivre:

And then surprise! Meeting up with friends at Bowlmor Lanes! I was so happy not to be sitting in a bar, drinking with friends and not doing anything besides drinking and talking...I think someone's really turned 30!!

In case you forgot how old I turned...

Forget 'birthday'! Let's just celebrate the person!

Duncan lit the candles - he's had a thing for fire since a very early age:

Do I have to turn 30?? Yes.

Summoning up the breath...it's tough after 30 years of bong hits (hilarious!):

Freshly whipped cream and my favorite...strawberries!!

Every party needs cartoon plates:

Time to get serious:

Guess who??

Team huddle!

Another bunion (albeit smaller) in the midst! Don't worry, I won't tell who it belongs to...Annie.

They've been married for 5 years and been on the same bowling league for 10:

Duncan dislocated his shoulder and we had to pop it back in, Lethal Weapon style - he stops at nothing for bowling:

Annie and Sally and Strawberry:

I do a real disappearing act when I bowl:

Lily & Sandy:

Mary 'Ball of Fire' Patterson:

You can do it, sweet pea.

To each his own...

Sally & Tosan:

The Passion of the Bowler (Sandy):

Peace signs are contagious - spread the cheer:

Thanks hubby!

End of the night - time to walk into traffic - j/k.

Everything good must come to an end...in the garbage shoot:

Thanks to Jonah and friends for a super fun evening, for contributing goods, for the photos (I didn't take a single one!) and for the LOVE.

* For those not yet 30, know that the pain is temporary. The week leading up to and then the culmination on birthday day is painful but the next morning it's all gone...and so are your 20's.

Congratulations to Mark & Tamara Wilkie on the arrival of their little qt!!

Josie, now we've just got to get you a bunch of pussycats and you'll be all set to rock 'n roll!

* Elizabeth & Houston

Don't worry about me - I'm doing just fine!!

think about what it was like today in 1964:

Any of you also have one of these?

Thanks to Baby Einstein Cyrus Klinenberg for hosting us!

Jazz hands never fail!

Ditzy and fierce!

You know you've taken way too long to download your photos when there is picture proof of a major event weeks ago.

*12th btw University & Broadway after game watching and Zidane head-butt analyzing at Meg & Jason's.

I'd love to get to know them intimately.

If they accept HIP Prime insurance you can expect a finder's fee - copy of mouth xrays or fungal photos.

Thank you resourceful readers!

Can you guess which gift came from a stand up comedian and which came from a stay at home mom?

A)

B)

Answers:

A) Gabby Nicosia, stay at home mom, soon to give birth any day now!

B) Chelsea Peretti, stand up comedian!

Irony folks, IRONY!!

More irony: Miami has been cooler (temp wise) than NYC.

Just kidding guys...Miami!

* Enormous thanks to my friends and family who have made me feel loved and made this birthday as painless as possible.

I used to need a solid 8-9 hours of sleep but these days I'm happy with 7-8. Does this mean I'm successfully aging?

P.S. Your favorite blogger is turning 30 tomorrow. Calm down. It is ok.

wins $5!*

* less shipping.

And anything that begins with Record ____ is no good either. Hey global warming, nice to meet ya!

It feels great to have been hand-picked by The Donald...September '06 enrollment.

Woke up this morning from this dream:

I walked out into a street area that looked like it might go up in flames at any second given the number of people smoking and recreationally bomb-making but then I saw a canal nearby so I thought, "at least there's water nearby which could quell the imminent explosion." Then I spotted a really cute old man with his really cute puppy - breed unknown. I met up with the guy and said it seemed scary back there and he said, "we're safe as long as we're with my pooch because she's Hebrew and God loves them." I must have looked skeptical and confused so he explained, "well, of course if she's in dangerous situations enough her chances of getting hurt increase." We continued walking away from the chaos and the old man told me he used to be a calligrapher and stenciler (don't think these are related trades) for the New York Observer where he gave "very specific examples of this and that which is how we used to do it in the old days." (what???) Then I asked him what his dog's name was and he replied, "Stretch."

"We both want to wish you and Jonah a hearty congratulations on your first anniversary. Just remember, as wonderful as it has been, it keeps getting better."

Hey, it's us! A year ago today! How about that?!

Hey good-looking! Wanna get married today?? Do I see some nerves in that smile??

We were off - you'll see a lot of the back of my dress in this post - I couldn't resist:

Thanks for stopping for us cabbie! You were pretty integral to our plan:

Taxi moment:

It seems like someone realized once they got to City Hall that she forgot her license that her hubby went back for:

Most romantic part of wedding - writing check to the cashier:

It's getting hot (and silly) in here!!

Snoozing while waiting to get married:

It's important to crack yourselves up!

It was our turn - sometimes dresses get stepped on in the process:

The rings fit:

It was official!

Officially sweet post-marriage kiss:

Yay!! Jonah was on the phone to coordinate with our friends and family and strippers - j/k!

Hey! There's the back of that dress again!

We had a meeting of the minds with our bus guide Rockwell who posed and rehearsed in style:

Remember, it's important to have your friends throw bird seed and not rice, because rice supposedly makes the pigeons explode, which could have been cool but would have taken the spotlight away from us:

Hugs all around! Jonah and his Mom:

Jonah and his Dad:

The Sisters in Law hug it out:

Jonah's new extended famiglia!

The bus adventure begins!

And from behind!

Appetizers before dinner - me and my bro:

That's a pretty bride face, Andrea!

My Pops:

Don't let Jonah's Mom's sleepy face fool you - she was ready to party!

Dinner was very sweetly all about toasts,

toasts,

toasts,

and more toasts!

After dinner we went to the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park and noticed that the ducklings received our wedding invitation!!

Here's the documenting of the group photo that never turned out:

We played a shoe game that I swear wasn't done just to show off our hot shoes:

Kerroppi umbrellas should make at least one appearance at every wedding:

Have I mentioned that I loved my dress?

My parents, happy as clams:

Woooohooooo!!!

Happy times:

The End:

* To our friends and family who might not have seen enough representation of themselves in this post: Having over 1000 photos it was easiest to pick out these few for this post but don't worry you'll see more of your fine selves in the wedding album (s) that you'll get to look through for hours and hours and hours and then you can take a break and by then you'll be ready for the second and third volumes.

To the friends and family who have so sweetly congratulated us today.

Thanks for the reminder!!

ha ha ha ha.

At lunchtime, sit next to someone who is audibly and frantically speaking into their phone saying, "I am so filled with self-hatred right now. I just got this awesome job where I have more responsibility than I've ever had...so much so that I feel like they must have mistakenly hired me... and then I go out and get wasted last night, show up at work late this morning and feel like death right now. I have no one to hate but myself."

* Unless you did the same thing the night before.

** Overhead in Duke's Deli on Broadway

It's true!

And the Reader's Digest Courtesy Study said so:

"Beneath that gruff exterior, New Yorkers really are a polite bunch: 90 percent held the door open, 19 out of 20 store clerks said 'thank you' and 63 percent of men and 47 percent of women helped with the papers. In total, four out of every five people encountered by Reader's Digest passed the courtesy test -- making New York the most courteous city on the list," the survey stated.

via Jason.

Jonah says that he never knew how much fun it was to be awakened at 5 am by Andrea the Meteorologist whose commentary is limited to, "it's so wierd isn't it? it's so wierd! I mean look, it's so wierd!"

Yesterday we took a trip to Long Island. Not because that's the ultimate destination but because Lily told us of an allergist (he accepts insurance!) there who provides an alternative to allergy shots in the form of a nasal spray. We were curious city mice headed for Long Island country!

The total of twenty pricks into the arms and the enormous reaction to the grass, trees, cats and dogs wasn't precise enough to figure out Jonah's specific allergies so...

we moved on to the harder stuff...little did the poor guy know what was in store...

Note: brave Jonah casually reads Duncan's manuscript of his new book (watch out Amazon rankings!) while getting injected...

At first it didn't look so bad:

But then he started reacting:

So a second round was necessary:

And oh dear, the second round of shots was also reacting so a third round in the other arm was needed:

Tough guy:

Poor JP:

After getting measured for the third arm he finally wasn't reactive anymore so the nasal spray could be custom mixed for this allergic guy!

This morning - and he's still swollen:

All for this:

And because it's preservative free it needs to travel with ice packs - like a fresh kidney:

Will it work??!!

In the meantime while Jonah snorts the nasal spray every night and we book extra seats on flights when we travel for the cooler with the nasal spray on ice, we've filled our apt with carpets filled with mold, bedding ripe with mites and a farms worth of animals...we'll see!

WERE ALL UP IN MY DREAMS LAST NIGHT.

NEVER.

Andrea Harner, Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello and Amy Sedaris, old friends.

From the beginning...

We were on our way out, in our glamorous hallway when I took a similar shot with the little digital camera I was bringing to capture the evening. Upon taking the pic I noticed the low-battery sign (it was in the charging cradle but wasn't properly latched in - damn!!!) So I calmy ran back into my apt, very collectedly tore through my chest of cameras from over a decade ago and found my little, trusty, real film point and shoot camera that ended up saving this night. (I've long ago resigned myself to the fact that I believe that if it wasn't documented it never happened.) Judging from my uncharacteristic patience while waiting for these important photos to be developed, I'd say I would have been a much more patient person had digital cameras never been invented.

Confession: As a serious fan of the TV show I was nervous that the movie wouldn't do it justice.

Paul Dinello said he would thank all the people that were integral to getting the movie made except that would take away from him so...and then Amy dedicated the movie to, "ugly people".

I am happy and relieved to report that it's a good, funny movie definitely worth going to!! My two complaints are: 1) the Sarah Jessica Parker role is utterly and painfully unnecessary and 2) I don't think the reasons why Jerri Blank is 46 years old and going back to high school after 32 years of being a "user, a boozer and a loser" need to be explained. I was never concerned about that while watching the TV show but I suppose for the mainstream movie-going public they felt that some explanation was necessary. Oh! And why her Dad is in a coma. These things just seemed perfectly normal to me! Other than that aspect which felt contrived, it was truly funny, raunchy and inappropriate - bring the whole extended family!

As soon as I spotted the trio at the afterparty at Dylan's Candy Bar I headed off to do my photoblogging duties and Jonah's too smart to be anywhere near me when I'm in that spastic mode so there he is! Over there!

I can no longer deny it - I am paparazzi:

I'm even better than traditional paparazzi because I get them in there too - so meta!!

It's true - Buddhist paparazzi exist:

Cute moment between geniuses:

Enter her butt for more fun movie stuff and go see Strangers with Candy opening June 28th!

Thanks to Think Film for buying this flick and finally distributing it! It felt like a lifetime of using and boozing, waiting for it!

Oh. Summer solstice.

Sally and I are finally ready to work with an editor to cut our Southern Documentary. If you are A through C, send me an email and we'll discuss more details!

A: An editor who loves working with creative, smart, fun chicks
B: Have at least an ounce of activist spirit in ya
C: Appreciates the rampant irony in life

No, I won't stalk her. I'm going to follow her around and repeatedly recite one of these great Strangers With Candy lines though:

A: "How's it going, Susie? Nice camel toe."

B: "Hmmm, that's funny. Why does your finger smell like his ass?"

C: "Greeks are just Jews without money."

Help me choose which!! Rock the vote.

My wallet pic - it's a great reminder not to overpluck my eyebrows - and you shouldn't either!!:

Nick threw a party for the Other Michael Jackson which was fun and a lot less raunchy than an Original MJ party would have been.

Me and my twin Arianna - identical except for the numerous published books, the formidable social network, the inspiring career, etc:

Jonah's women - don't make him choose:

Me and the respectable looking Ben - you'd never suspect he runs Thrillist:

Thank god for these guys (the drinks)!

TEQUILA!! Doug!! Jonah!! TEQUIIIIIILAAAAA!!!

Too much tequila...off we were to Lure Fishbar. Shrimps for Andrea, Martinis for Rachel:

Hey, how about we drink more, Ricky??!!

We're only getting FUNNIER!!

Shrimpy Mary!

And the oyster shot side dish that came with it!!

I hope he doesn't turn towards me when he vomits...

Nick sticks to tequila and Jonah has oyster shot eyes:

You (Jonah) can never have too much oyster:

TORO!!!

Soft shell crabs - everything you wanted to know about them:

The ladies were sexy and sweaty (from left to right) at the end of the night:

I felt about 50% reduced the following day.

Update: Here are the ads.

JWT Puts a 'Roadblock' on Huffington Post by Julie Bosman.

Ladies, you need a pair of heels like this. They will make you feel so damn sexy you might just stay home and have your way with yourself...and let me tell you, that's probably a better option than going out and walking if you have a bunion to contend with.

* On my way to the Webbys afterparty which I foolishly thought maybe, just maybe, Prince would do what he never would do, which is to attend a big, loud and crowded afterparty instead of showing up at the luckiest little bar/club of the night to play an impromptu set...probably acoustical and certainly radically awesome. Sweet.

I was purple with envy that Jonah and the rest of the Huffington Post got to go to the Webby's since they won 'Best Political Blog' (CONGRATULATIONS, you guys deserve it!) and they saw Prince perform...

But I was also grateful as a purple grape that Jonah took pics for me:

The Webbys famously ask their award recipients to limit their acceptance speeches to five words so consequently some clever five words have been strung together!

Some highlights from this year:

Arianna Huffington: Darlings, make blogs not war

Bill Simmons on behalf of Mark Cuban: Mark Cuban is not here

Prince: Everything you think is true

NPG Music Club: Prince says...eliminate the middleman

Thomas Friedman: The world really is flat

For more five word acceptance speeches and more about the Webby Awards click here.

This weekend I gave birth to one cute little baby named Cyrus Klinenberg.

Jonah was a little shocked:

But got over it and look at how happy we were...

For having kidnapped our friends' newborn - it was a real laughing matter:

Jonah and Cyrus worked out some issue:

While I giggled - that's what mom's do, they just sit around all day giggling with their newborn - don't let them tell you otherwise!

There are some things that only his rightful mother can do and they involve breasts so I had to give him back:

And they were relieved:

Congratulations again to Caitlin Zaloon and Eric Klinenberg!!

ME!!!

WITH MY HUBBY OF COURSE AND MY CAMERA SO STAY SHARPLY TUNED.

This x-ray was taken at the foot doctor yesterday and ever since I've become obsessed with foot x-rays. Now when I see bare feet, time stands still as I jump the person, hold them down and stare at their feet while imagining what the x-ray would look like.

Mine look GOOD!!

Now if you wear corrective shoes and you got big bunyons,
Toenails smell and look like onions,
Don't doowutchyalike--
Go see a foot doctor tonight!

Thanks, Digital Underground!

My mom prefers the classy cute kind:

My one good-looking foot feels alive in sexy socks:

Thanks to a suprisingly good idea by Duncan (whether the opera was surprisingly good or whether it was surprising that Duncan came up with such a good idea is for you to decide!) to see the The Marriage of Figaro performed by Modus Opera (yes, cute name) we had a lovely night at the opera!

The cool thing about this opera company is that their mission is to revitalize opera culture in this country by getting people younger than 150 years old to enjoy the fantastic art form that is opera! $35 tickets help a lot. It was indeed splendid.

Unfortunately this was the best photo I was able to take during the four hour opera:

Look at Jonah, respectfully clapping. Little did I know it was a front...

DAMN THE SIDEKICK!!!!!

I walked into the bathroom, saw this and felt too discouraged to brush my teeth:

* The Asian courtyard in the Asian section of the Met, May 06.

I awoke and upon seeing that Jonah had a rip in his boxers, I exclaimed and sang, "you look like a pauper! would you like me to darn your boxers?" I was pretty pleased with my choice of words and my vocal style.

And Jonah said in reaction, "just because you've started doing crossword puzzles doesn't mean you should casually drop words like pauper and darn..."

:-)

I can't believe I'm just a few months away* from giving birth and Jonah and I still haven't come up with a girl name!!

Can you help??

* Just kidding! I'm 9 plus months away from giving birth but thought it's never too early to plan right?!

Rhymes with Fizz + shortest nickname for drug that temporarily makes one ecstatic = _____

You got it!

BUSY!!

My parents are in town this week which means that we got to see a play!

Defiance, written by John Patrick Shanley who also wrote the Pulitzer award winning Doubt, was quite good. It's clear that the playwrights main interest is authority which is the central theme in both these plays. Doubt deals with the Catholic church and Defiance takes on the military. Time flew right by and afterwards I was left to ponder authority, morality and existentialism.

If you're expecting your parents, better buy those theater tix now!

I just joined my neighborhood Y which is brand new, right across the street and fantastic. I started swimming with a regular bathing cap but something wasn't right. The imprint it left on my forehead and the lack of style chilled me to the bone.

Finally, I found some flair to make swimming those laps glamorous!

Don't worry, I would never get this in rainbow colors...I chose the all blue so it's classy and sexy.

This is intended as a departure point for a discussion about obesity in America.

* The Immigrant March 05.06.

Dear Mommy,

Thank you for everything you have taught me. As I've gotten older I hear your wisdom ring in my ears whenever I stray. When I was younger it seemed annoying but now I agree with your often blunt, but profoundly true outlook and advice.

You taught me first and foremost that I should take care of my body and mind. I take a multi-vitamin everyday although that doesn't seem to stop you from asking me on our weekly phone calls if I'm taking my multi-vitamins :-) I eat well though I know I should eat more fruit! I exercise, not as much as I should, but I do! I don't drink too much, certainly less than I did when I was a naive youngster, because as you always said, it's not hard to understand that alcohol beyond moderation becomes a poison.

You've taught me to love myself even with my flaws. Physical "flaws" can be tough for a girl but you always told me uncomplicatedly that the most important thing was that I was fortunate to be in good health and that I was beautiful no matter when anyone or any "beauty authority" said. When I cried about my pimply teenage skin you said that I was blessed with oily skin which meant I would have less wrinkles as I aged. When I was a teenager mortified by my bunion you said, "hey, you may have ugly feet but you have a pretty face!" I look at how you hold yourself and how you've aged gracefully and I'm in awe at your strength and beauty.

You always stressed that education and being smart was the most important thing. I thank you for always expecting me to get the highest grades and for all the times you said, "you're smart and you speak and write well so you should be a lawyer!" :-) Although I haven't become a lawyer and instead have recently taken up cartooning I know you're proud of me because you now think I'm as good an artist as Picasso :-) Thank you for always valuing brains, a healthy, holistic lifestyle and imperfect, natural and true beauty. You are a living inspiration to me and I'm grateful with all my heart that you are my mother.

Love,
Your daughter

We always suspected cocaine use in this apt but the nerve to put it on flagrant display like this!!

We knew this was a cry for help so we swept it up and left him alone.

The color which this photo doesn't do justice and the taste which this photo also doesn't do justice are heavenly:

Update: I had a fever and a sore throat so I had a cold. Happy to report I'm feeling better now. Thanks for everyone's input except the person that scared the shit out of me with the viral meningitas talk.

My symptoms:

Severely congested. Snot Factory. Runny nose. Headache. Sore throat. Not painfully sore but persistently uncomfortable and slightly swollen glands. Some sneezing but not a crazy amount.

Diagnosis:

Allergies or Cold?

Stumper:

No itchy or irritated eyes.

For a Manhattanite, the journey from Manhattan to Brooklyn can be and often is a traumatic experience. What adds to the trauma is that it's not as if Manhattanites like to be ridiculously difficult and Manhattan centric so it is unpleasant for Manhattanites to see themselves in such unfavorable light (ultimately it's most important to understand things from the Manhattanite's perspective). But it is nonetheless a stressful experience especially when on the weekends it's not uncommon that two of the four subway lines you would take are not operating and then you discover once on one of the two subway lines that are supposedly operating that the only other supposedly working subway you planned to take is under construction and thus non existant. After three transfers and many more unhappy comments we emerged in Brooklyn.

And look at what that far away land holds! Nature! Beauty! Pollen!

This article contains so many depressing aspects and is also gross.

Thanks to Annie Maxwell for the link!

And Annie, don't worry, you won't end up a cat lady. Just think - if you do, I'll sell them on ebay for you so don't worry!

Hellllloooo sophisticated, sexy AndreaHarner.com readers!!

I'm very excited to announce my new project KeywordCartoons featuring the adventures of a cute, weird and monstruous little purple-haired girl named GGirl!

While my obsession with cartooning was developing, so was my sense that I'm like a border collie!, desperate for fun! and challenging tasks! so voila! I've been tasked with drawing a daily cartoon inspired by the most valuable words and concepts on the Internet. Thanks to Jonah for transforming me into a border collie.

You can visit KeywordCartoons for brand new daily cartoons or follow a link to the latest installment where they will appear daily right here on AndreaHarner.com. I hope you enjoy the trials, tribulations and twisted thoughts of GGirl!

Concept: Jonah Peretti
Cartoons: Andrea Harner
Code: Andy Yaco-Mink

I really hope Google supports me on this project - we'll have to wait and see!

Update: Della Peretti from Oakland, CA has donated $50 for this cause!! Thanks Della, aka awesome mother in law!!

On May 6 (Happy Birthday Bro!!) I will be walking with my dear friend Celeste in the Revlon Walk Against Women's Cancers starting in Times Square and ending in Central Park. I figured, what better activity do I have to do that morning? And the answer was, "nothing".

You can support me via my fundraising page or join the walk! My friend Sarah Verdone will also be walking and you can read about her very interesting personal story here.

I hate to have to bring this to your attention but after a few weeks of using the bed sheets I went on and on about...

I see that they PILL.

When you're up late working until 4 am on an exciting new project that will launch soon, it's fun! When you wake up the following morning and your eyes hurt and you feel slightly nauseous it's not nearly as fun. You also think, "It never used to feel this bad to not get enough sleep. I must be getting older." And that thought process isn't much fun either.

Hint: The project involves cartoons!! Look forward to it. Please.

Check out the CherryWatch at the lovely Brooklyn Botanic Gardens! Looks like they've started blooming and peak bloom will hopefully be during next weekend's Cherry Blossom Festival.

Longtime readers may recall a little love affair I had with the gardens back in the day...it looked like this:

I can't wait for next weekend!

I have figured out the best way to reenter NYC after a vacation! Go to a benefit, two hours after landing at JFK!!

As guests of Katherine Sailer and Ken Lerer we attended the Riverkeeper Benefit which was hosted by SNL comedian Darrell Hammond (he does the best imitation of Clinton), featured musician Carly Simon (and her kids!) and honored Veronique & Bob Pittman for their philanthropy. The highlight for me was hearing Bobby Kennedy Jr speak as he is an impassioned speaker and his knowledge of all the ways our waters are being polluted and how we can help is inspiring. Although when he spoke of our fish being the most polluted they've ever been, I wished we hadn't had fish as our entree...

It was fantastically fun and an important event that raised a significant amount of money. If you're so inclined, please support this great organization. I'm pretty certain it's a great investment in our future.

Look how happy I am to be back in NYC. That's the great thing about living in New York. You can have great vacations but always be excited to come home!

I woke up this morning and said to Jonah, I dreamed about Top Chef last night! That aggressively annoying character Stephen was proving all that he knew, the other character so and so were doing blah blah blah and then the judges were like this and that" and Jonah replied, "Congratulations, your mind has been colonized by TV".

And that is just one of the gazillion reasons I love my hubby :-)

Nerds! This is a call to meet!

This event at Eyebeam tomorrow evening will be fun. Jonah hosts the remarkable Yochai Benkler as they discuss his promising new book.

Refreshments will be served. If you only come for that, you're pathetic. Or very very thirsty and hungry.

This magic show is pretty awesome:

The magician Steve Cohen does magic in a suite in the Waldorf Astoria every Friday night. It's a cool 19th century parlor atmosphere in which he does slight of hand and very weird mind-reading tricks. The $55 ticket price is a little steep but it's worth dressing up and enjoying an evening of good old fashioned magic and wows.

I suppose because he describes himself as the Millionaire's Magician it made sense to have a framed Forbes list.

Here we are, all fancied up! Oh, too far away.

Too close!

I was reprimanded for trying to take photos (yes, I was trying to catch his tricks on camera!) so I'll just have to make do with photos from his site.

Here's a drawing of him and let me tell you, you know magic is involved when he's drawn like this...

And really looks like this! Damn, me!

It was very fun. Highly recommended.

We then had dinner at Basta Pasta, an Italian restaurant run by Japanese people which is recommended too!

These are the softest sheets ever to be found. And I have an extensive team deployed in search of the softest sheets. They are 100% Modal which is a fiber created from the beechwood tree. I don't really understand how that creates the softest sheets but I know that these sheets are like silk and your oldest softest T-shirt combined.

If in need of sheets and you don't already have these, consider yourself having received the greatest piece of knowledge you could have receieved today. Roll around in them and rub your face all over them, all the while thinking, "AndreaHarner.com *does* know best!"

Update: I love The Apprentice & Wife Swap too. Yes, I am addicted to reality tv but only *good* reality tv.

Hints, in order of my affections:

1)

2)

3)

For making me look like this:

Notice my red inflamed skin on my face versus my non rash skin on my neck:

It itches like hell:

And continues to itch:

And itch:

Here are the ingredients - let's try figuring out which is the problem! I have my money on the parabens.

Purified water (aqua), glycerin, cetyl ricinoleate, isohexadecane, ceresin, glyceryl stearate, water. titanium dioxide (C177891), propylene glycol, styrene acrylates copolymer, hydrolyzed corn starch, ammonium hydroxide, phenoxyethanol, methylparaben, ethyl-paraben, butylparaben, propylparaben, isopropyl lauroyl sarcosinate, sericin, hydroxydecyl ubiquinone (idebenone), sodium PCA, steareth-2, PEG-60 hydrogenated castor oil, PEG-100 stearate, glycosaminoglycans, linoleic acid, linolenic acid, tocopherol, millet (panicum miliaceum) extract, cholesterol, ceramide III, dimethicone, PEG-50 dipolyhydroxystearate, magnesium aluminum silicate, xanthan gum, cetyl hydroxy-ethylcellulose, disodium EDTA, BHT, diazolidinyl urea, methylparaben, propylparaben.

Prince understated it a little. As far as I can remember, it's always snowed in April.

Earlier today:

Just when you think no ones loves you, just think, at least someone loves this person:

* Taken a few years ago in Jonah's old apartment building.

* Canal & Broadway

Prince brings it out in me every time!! Jonah is incredulous at my finger work.

* At Meg & Jason's wedding over the weekend.

When I have kids I'm going to homeschool them and choose their hobbies but *this* is too much!

That's my boy!

Yes, I know that the magazine is unfortunately named but it's a truly fantastic magazine and we're just going to have to suppress our giggles and be adults about this...

I was in Duane Reade the other day when all of a sudden I and the 50 people in one inefficient line all heard and saw a woman walk into the store, crying and wailing, her face contorted with pain. She looked like the average 50 year old Jewish New Yorker. Prematurely silver hair, black full length puffy coat, black boots caught in between snow boots and stylish boots, carrying a hippieish beige satchel purse. I stood there thinking, "I have to ask her what's wrong. I have to help her. If I don't what kind of person would I be? Would I even be a human being if I didn't?" and as she balled and moaned and walked by me my thoughts turned into "I'm sure the reason people don't approach this sort of sisutation is out of fear. And it's understandable. I mean, how do I know she won't lash out at me or maybe even hurt me?" and just like that I went from being a caring person to a rational, cold person. She walked down the long makeup & shampoo aisle and the weird thing was that she stopped crying but after a minute or so would start up again. I and one other person in line were traumatized (visualize our furrowed brows and frown lines) and captivated and kept turning around to observe her. My curiosity got the best of me and I stepped out of line and found myself downstairs in the cleaning products aisle where she was narrowing down detergent options. I walked by her slowly and she seemed fine. If I hadn't witnessed her sobbing upstairs a few minutes ago I would never had known that anything was wrong. And then it occurred to me that she probably has Tourette's and I felt better for being a cold-hearted person with a detective mind.

I know that as loyal readers you care so much about me and you try not to overstep boundaries like asking for the details of my nasty cold/flu/whatever this is. Well I love you too so I'll satisify your latent curiousity with the latest developments:

This morning I woke up with a burning sensation in my chest and sure enough there was a snot factory brewing within.
I blew my nose and was happy to see a whole mess of yellowness.
I said to Jonah, "Isn't it good that it's yellow?"
Jonah to me: "Well, you want clear."
Me: I know but doesn't yellow come after green and then comes clear?"
to which Jonah replied, "I don't know the colors of the snot rainbow, my sweet pea."
And I fell in love all over again.

* I layed out the episode the way I did because it's poetry. 2006 kind of poetry. Pre-divorce Nick & Jessica kind of poetry.

It always begins so clean, so nice, so simple...

But you could read between the coke and pepsi lines and sense the fierce ensuing competition:

The wines - St. Aubin vs. Peter Vella box wine (their graphic design is so inspired!):

The vodkas - Grey Goose vs. Smirnoff and the cokes - Pepsi vs. Coke:

My dear friend Sally Rumble comes through with her homemade blindfold!!

I obviously think this is a cute look:

Cory Arcangel's arrogant "give it to me":

Here it is, Cory, can you do it? Sniff away boy!

Haaa, harder than you thought huh?! Beer was his palette cleanser.

A lot harder:

Ok, I know which is which!

WRONG:

Cory: Here Lauren, have a sip of my beer. It's good! Lauren: What would you know? You have no taste buds.

Oh we had high hopes for Lauren Cornell being a classy lady who grew up in NYC...

But hopes are often dashed:

And squashed as if they never existed:

Jacob, the Drinker:

The Thinker:

The Stinker:

Jamie Rollins had a special kind of challenge:

Guess if it's your friend James Powderley or your girlfriend Rebecca Bureau kissing you? He was stumped.

In the drink challenge too.

Rebecca on the other hand...being half French...

Knew a box wine from a French wine...

And the differences between American Colas AND the subtleties of a pretentious vodka versus Smirnoff. Hooray!! First person to win the triple challenge!!

Sally's a great blindfold maker. Let's just leave it at that.

Why does this boob/wine glass photo seem wrong?

Lily Whitall read somewhere that looking like a blonde pocohantas would give her a leg up in the challenge:

Let's take a sniff:

Let's really get in there...oh well.

Ok John, Mr. Conoisseur.

The stars just weren't aligned:

The stars were bad:

He guessed the Colas correctly:

But the wine mistake will take time to heal:

With only one person, Rebecca, having met the challenge, Jonah was amped.

Intensity:

INTENSITY:

That's my boy!! He became the second (and ssshhh, last!) person to win the challenge!

Dalton Conley represented NYU by attempting to cheat. Just kidding. He didn't cheat.

In the end he gave the party a 50 minute lecture on how if you cheat you only cheat youself...and then tried for another sneak peak. Just kidding *again*!

Duncan represented Columbia by being big - too big for his whole head *and* body to fit in a picture:

The only person to ask for a refill:

Duncan confessed to us that he really likes challenges involving drinking. We had no idea.

Whereas the majority of players got 1 out of 3 right, Natalie Jeremijenko made a name for herself by getting all 3 wrong! That's my girl!

Friend from high school, Tosan Omabegho (my nickname for him: Toaster OnABagel), giving it a go:

He was introducing me to his date who he brought named Vasolina - no joke - she was very sweet and very sloppily named - pun intended.

Thanks to whoever took this picture - you really captured nothing special. BTW, I got 2 out of 3 right and will now be sticking to box wine since I apparently prefer it.

If you look past the mess,

You'll see THE RESULTS!!

6/16 GUESSED THE WINE CORRECTLY = 36%

8/16 GUESSED THE VODKA CORRECTLY = 50%

11/16 GUESSED THE COLA CORRECTLY = 70%

IMPORTANT NOTE: IT TOOK TWO PEOPLE OF FRENCH AND OF ITALIAN ANCESTRY TO HAVE PALETTES DISCERNING ENOUGH FOR THE WINE, VODKA AND COLA TASTE TEST CHALLENGE!

The point is that this challenge was A LOT harder than people expected. A LOT. I dare you to give it a try and report back here please! Good night!

Wow, this may be the longest I've gone without posting! Apologies, loyal readers. My hiatus is over. I've had the flu and since I'm suffering and it's important that we share, here's a little post that may make you suffer too - enjoy.

There's *got* to be a better place to put your gum.

Thanks to the building guys for taking care of this within 12 hours but I want to see flyers of the culprit in handcuffs posted all over the building. ASAP.

Storycorps is one of the most inspirational projects out there.

Spring? Where are you? I just bought boots to wear when you're around. They're gonna look great with you. Where are you???!!!

Mine are a more eggplant color and I bought two, one for each foot.

Guess who's going to have to take off their shoes for airport "security"?*

*Sorry, I don't believe that when I take off my boots I'm improving airport security in any way.

I found this on his bookshelf. I smiled, cried with joy and tried, unsucessfully, to clean off the dirt from his days of rapping on the dirty streets of Oakland.

aka

Happy You're Getting Laid Day!

or

Happy You Feel Alone Day!

Q: Hey Andrea! You go on and on about how important it is to take vitamins. What kind do you take?

A: Well, if you must know, I take a big fish oil pill, a vitamin c and a multi-vitamin.

Q: What's that other thing?

A: Oh, why that's my vitamin secret! It's a 3d print out of Jonah's World of Warcraft character, Gnome Chomsky, in a Venus de Milo edition. It hurts a little going down but well worth it.

Althought I'll never agree with Jonah that I pass out 75% of the time that I watch movies at home at night, more like 50%, here's some recent (and rare) evidence.

My friend Paul Ohan had recommended the movie on the computer screen. He lied to me when I asked if it was good and worth renting and he said yeah but we've been friends for a long time so Paul's still a pal.

All together now...PASSED OUT!!

Not even the camera's repeated flash will wake me from my cherubic slumber, dreaming of Paul being forced to watch Waterworld over and over while being deprived of water and toilet.

Nice mention in the Gothamist of a cool project from the EYEBEAM OpenLab:

I love this fashion nerd (and she's not identifying as a nerd to be cute) who unfortunately got booted from Project Runway a couple weeks ago:

Check out her blog - the mention of her grandmother/mentor at the top is priceless.

It's official. I have dandruff.

It look like this:

.. ... ..
. ... . ..
... . .

The nice thing about making an entire pot of tea for yourself is that you're able to enjoy the full spectrum of tea beginning with a nice cozy cup of hot tea...to a refreshing iced tea!

* Yes, I really did post this the day after MLK Day, and pre-date it for posterity.

Thanks to Annie Maxwell for the wonderful Christmas gift of a Savion Glover performance at the fantastically intimate Joyce Theater.

It was truly delightful to watch this guy in action - on until the 15th - catch it if you can!

We can finally put this to rest!!

Continue reading "Is it true that catching a cold has nothing to do with being out in the cold?" »

I am pretty sure I would feel the same way as these Manhattanites if I ever made the mistake of moving out of the city.

We city folks need people and culture!!...and to feel like we don't understand anything outside of Manhattan.

Good quotes by kindred spirits:

It's like death out there...They seem like normal people but they spend, like, hours working on their lawn...

It's definitely someone's dream; it's just not our dream.

Apparently there was confusion...then the highlighter pen stepped in to clear things up:

* Women's Bathroom in El Rey Del Sol on 14th St.

You can give this old guy a rest today!

I now have a Treo 600 thanks to little Snickers!!!

He nudged me and nudged me, "Just take it...I told you I'm now a sidekick guy..."

A million, treollion (sorry, couldn't resist) thanks to Snickers and his companion Jenna Gates!

with Douglas Rushkoff.

I am nervous! This Thursday I'm going to my dear friend Celeste Peterson's thesis defense at Princeton. She's nervous, sure, but I'm really nervous. What do I wear?!

It's in the subject area of Molecular Biology. Repeat after me - Mole Ecu Lar Bi O Lo Gy. The study of the biology of moles.

I'm considering these seven looks.

1) The obvious choice might be good in terms of showing solidarity like Yeah, I'm a scientist too! Chemistry set!

2) Or I could be hard core but instead of fag I'd write SCIENCE (I'd keep the framing of the word the same).

3) How about an inspirational vision of purple/Prince so when she looks over I can throw her the 'I Would Die 4 U' signs at her?

4) Potentially too racy but could get the blood flowing in the room and have the judges (whom I'm certainly will be mostly male) to remember me, and hence Celeste, fondly.

5) Or I could just be professorial and ooze judgement...but show my softer more fallible side by making the mistake of wearing a beret.

6) Celeste and I got married within 2 weeks of each other so I thought as a way of remembering that sweet time I could wear my wedding dress?

7) Or I could just try to blend in:

Which should it be?? I'm stuck between 1 through 7.

Great! I'll take it off your hands!!

I know you're thinking, why doesn't she just buy a new one and not be so beggy and annoying and all I have to say to that is I'm feeling strapped for cash and I'm sorry for being exactly as I'm coming across.

Anyone?? Anyone??

Thanks for your love.

He's called us at EYEBEAM a number of times to ask when he can come, take off all his clothes except socks and shoes in the bathroom and then check out the art.

Quotes by the nude guy:

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"Think there are people here who are awfully clothes-minded", he said as he leaned in to drop the pun of all puns.

The sad thing is that I think he's a little loco in the cabesa and is rumored to have a disturbing thing going on in his nether regions...elephantitis comes to mind.

Hey, of all the craziness out there, it could be worse!

Maybe it's because I grew up in Japan. Maybe it's because I'm little so little things feel akin to me. Anyway, I love little things...especially little burgers!!!

Little, cute, gorgeous meal, right folks?!

Beautious side shot:

Hamburgler Jonah was on the scene. P.S. I didn't trust that smile.

He wasn't fooling me...I saw his hand moving in closer...

But what was he gonna do?? He couldn't, he wouldn't...

Oh no, he didn't!!

And there went the third burger...and our marriage...

P.P.S. Hamburgler and I have since made up and we've now teamed up as a Hamburgler team...WATCH OUT.

And now we're snow covered - Yippeeeeee!!!!!!

From my living room:

On Sunday we went to MOMA and it was spectacularly awesome. We checked out the first floor (Charles Ray's Family Romance and James Turrell's A Frontal Passage stuck in my mind) then headed up to the sixth floor for the SAFE: Design Takes On Risk exhibition. It was delightful. We spent a long time in there checking out things that have been designed as conceptual art pieces or as functional consumer objects for these modern, perilous times. If you haven't already I highly recommend this exhibit.

Every Thanksgiving, I hope and pray and throw temper tantrums to get put on turkey cavity duty however I did something in '01 that resulted in me being deemed unfit for duty in '02, '03 and '04. In '05 I was back on, a little better behaved and all up in it!!

interesting show on the increasing trend of raising kids in Manhattan as opposed to the suburbs...

and now, the show is about whether cable companies should have to offer viewers a la carte options as opposed to packages as they are now...

and NOW, after talking having guests on about the foster care system in NYC, he's discussing the Op-Ed piece from yesterday's New York Times by a friend of ours, Dalton Conley and boy is Brian giving Dalton a beating...what do you guys think??

I LOVE the Brian Lehrer Show. I also love when Brian gets a little snippy once every few months...it's like a special awkward and uncomfortable moment - it's funny!

We went to the Darwin exhibit this weekend and it was great. Of course we got there at 3:30 and all tickets until the 7:30 showing were sold out...very New York experience that I complained and complained about in typically bad attitude fashion until I realized it wasn't so bad to get coffee, get an attitude readjustment and walk around the rest of the musuem until 7:30 even thought it *was* a full four hours later.

Did you know that on Darwin's five year voyage around the world he discovered penguins in the tropics that had evolved to hold out their wings/fins over their feet in order keep their little feeties from getting sunburned??????!!!!!!!

Too cute. I love penguins and I *know* that everyone's riding that bandwagon after March of the Penguins but I really do love them ok??!! Leave me alone.

Just bought this 300 giger yesterday and am gleeful:

Apologies. I'm really going to bore some of you.

Everyone else...let's talk MAKEUP!!

As many of you ladies out there know it takes a *lifetime* to find makeup products that work for you. Not only are we overwhelmed by choice but we also have to figure out what our makeup threshold is. For example, I'm just not that girl that spends hours putting on her face in the morning. Not only is that a heinous look but I just won't spend that much time on makeup because I'd rather be doing other things. Also, I don't wear foundation nor powder (you're really not fooling anyone...you can see it) so here's a short list of what I use and frankly, it's true: Less is more.

In order of application:

Post moisturizer primer-I love this stuff: Laura Mercier Foundation Primer.

Best undereye concealer: Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer Kit - I don't use the powder but the concealer really is creamy and sits well when applied by dab dab dabbing your finger.

Best redness concealer - I love the color red but not on skin: BenFit You're Bluffing.

Best eyeliner: Estee Lauder Artist's Eye Pencil in SoftSmudge Black.

Best eyelash curler: Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler.

Best mascara for fine, almost non-existant lashes like mine and it won't make you look like a whore although it's possible I do and no one's bothered telling me: Lancome Hypnose Mascara in Black.

Best mascara if you have normal lashes: Maybeline Great Lash.

Best blush - I'm all about sheer, sheer, sheer!: Tarte Cheek Stain in Tickled.

Best blush with staying power for dancing until dawn: Mac powder blushes - they last *forever* - I've had mine since fifth grade.

Best inexpensive lipgloss - it's that perfect, almost natural lipcolor red and it feels gooooood: Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Cherries in the Glow.

Best for that pretty peach color - super soft and great consistency: Chanel Glossimer in Sirop.

Best way to maintain lip color during a long ceremony where you don't want to reapply like your wedding - wear this on its own or add gloss or whatever on top: BeneFit's Benetint.

Best cream eyeshadow that will last the entire day and night without creasing or disappearing (I used this and the two items above at my wedding): Mac Paints in Stilife.

Any thoughts? Anything I should try?? Ladies, let's not hate, let's share!

Last night as we walked down our hallway towards our apartment, we couldn't help but notice a rancid smell. It was strong, musty and almost sour...definitely something natural. Later in the evening we heard two women walking past our door saying, "Oh my god, it smells terrible!" and Jonah and I looked at each other and there it was, the unspoken...that was then spoken, "Someone on this floor may have died." And it was a sad moment but a New York moment nonetheless.

On further thought, I think one of the models in the building finally croaked after 2 years of a sparkling water and saltines diet. Oh wait, nevermind, we're on the 5th floor and the models are on the penthouse floor.

This is how I'm feeling...

so I bought this!

Yaaaaay for me!! I know how I feel and just how to fix it!!

I'm my own best friend.

Luv ya! No, love *you*!

Being crazy is fuuuuuuuun!!

Jonah says it's fun being married to me because all the annoying things we go through everyday like screeching subways, taxis that splash you with rain puddles, etc, etc, are magnified by my incessant complaining about them. So it's like he gets to live them twice!

I had never heard of this writer but the article pulled me in and one thing really resonated with me...the point about how once she donned her engagement and wedding rings, she felt immediate, almost unsettling acceptance from society and that that somewhat transformed her. I'm sure she and I are not alone in this. Ladies?

One morning I thought I was clever and funny by arranging our innocuous little figures* into one on one 69 positions. As the 5 year old I'd become, I hooted and hollered to Jonah about my hilaaarious creations. When I returned from a run a little while later, Jonah looked at me gravely and said, "I had to take apart the little figures. It was just too disgusting" and then I felt a sinking, horrible feeling that maybe Jonah and I were not compatible after all but then a glint in his eye made me run to the bathroom counter (home to the little figures) where I discovered that he had taken it a step further, entirely in the right direction for us to be compatible. Enjoy.

*Thanks to my friend Mary Patterson for the little gifts! You must be proud.

I dreamt last night that Madonna walked into wherever I was...I think she was in a track suit but I really don't think this was a surreal dream that might have me in a gym...she had intensely piercing Siberian Husky ice blue eyes and when I finally finally mustered up the courage to ask her for an autograph[You have to understand. When I was younger and she was actually the coolest person ever I was truly obsessed with her....and she turned to me and in an tone half indifferent, half bitchy, she said no. I was devastated.

I'm still devastated.

He's not gay, he's not gay, he's not gay...he's just an Aussie willing to do anything for a drink...even a tiny little one.

Here it is again...hope to see you tonight!

Yeah!! Halloween won't be back for another year!!! (This misrepresents me as a Halloween Grinch when in fact I'm more just indifferent).

Oh but candy corn!! I WILL MISS YOU!!! Especially since there's a little game we now play isn't there?? It's called...Which is Healthier? Candy Corn or ???

The jury is out on almost all of these "plays" so let me know how you vote!

Dammit, Harner! Do you have to begin with a brain stumper??!!

Corn versus Corn!?

CornS versus Corn! I'm pulling my hair out.

Chicken and egg scenario?

East meets West:

Very similar, very difficult.

Who's not fantasizing about rolling that little candy corn around on that butter stick and once its smothered enough, popping it their mouth?

Toughie but I'm not interested in easy games.

Wedge that little CC in that bun, fry it up and you can call yourself a bon vivant.

Consulting ingredients labels required:

Impossible.

Cute. It's like they're siblings.

Now the older sibling has a lover.

Cute versus cute!

?

???

One might make you feel better afterwards but that's not what's important...it's what makes you feel good during so yay for candy corn!!

Here's your incentive besides listening to a bunch of very interesting people talk about this topic on everyone's minds: FREE DRINKS, you cheap, lushes!!

I may or may not have a bunion to remove from my otherwise beautiful and highly functional feet.

This is true!!! We went with some friends to a Democratic Fundraiser last night and afterwards we grabbed a bite to eat. We found it extremely odd to be on the Upper West Side and enveloped in a strong and distinct maple syrup smell! I think we downtowners thought it was a weird UWS thing that we couldn't even begin to understand...turns out the smell was first reported downtown...

New York City has many odors, but when the city began to smell a little too good, New Yorkers became alarmed...LOL.

Here we are, serving our country proudly a.k.a eating hors d'oeuvres, drinking white wine and listening to Senators.

Here we are with a guy we think is stalking us.

If you know what's causing this smell, report it to the authorities immediately!! Rotting trash in Chinatown and dog piss in Chelsea I can handle...sweet Vermont like smells??!! Make it go away...

I'm not fat! I'm in training to be a sumo wrestler.

Suuuure:

The first thing that clued me into how different sumo in the US is from the sport in Japan was this aggro, blonde dude named Hans Borg (ass facing the camera) who riled up the crowd like a WWF wrestler:

The crowd loved him and couldn't get enough of him lifting his leg and slapping his butt cheek which of course is a normal, subtle warm up tradition in Japan but when done by Hans it was a kinky crowd pleaser.

He won this match...

and actually pointed at his bicep in attribution.

I was grateful he was Norweigian because had he been German his "Heil Hitler" would not have been palatable.

The Half-Time show was special:

The Taiko Drummers were radical:

Clearly this Japanese guy was going to kick ass...little did we know that we were looking at the future winner!!! [So sorry to have spoiled that for you!]:

I can't get this image out of my mind:

And the suspense was building...

...in this second to final match:

Would the Japanese guy move onto the final match?!

Of course he would:

That's what's called a Japanese ass whooping:

And now for the final match to determine the winner of this bizarre sumo league of mostly Eastern Europeans...

Japan vs. Republic of Georgia:

And the Japanese guy pushed the Georgian out of the rink...

To become the Winner!!

And in the most anti-climactic fashion, our Japanese winner and runner up stood there in near silence for what felt like 5 minutes as the announcer was nowhere to be seen nor heard...

Until he made promises of a check for a "large amount"!! What would it be??!! $10,000.

I don't think our Japanese friend understood a word that was spoken.

But thank god he won and didn't shame his entire nation.

Does anyone know why for the past few nights it's been purpley lit??

While google image searching sumo for this post, I came across a bunch of pictures of sumo wrestlers in various poses...as one would expect, yes? [Ok, where's she going with this??!! What's this crazy girl up to!!??]

But then there was one poor girl who appeared as the last image on the bottom right hand corner :-(

But back to the issue at hand!!

If you've never been to a sumo match...you've got to take my word for it and go!!! It's super fun in Japan...I'm sure Madison Square Garden will provide just as much classy minimalism and subdued style as Japanese sumo venues.

Caution: As Jonah noted, the really expensive tickets actually seat you in the crack of the sumo wrestlers so albeit intimate, your view is limited to the audience. You may want to consider the $15 - $50 tickets...

Has anyone used this to sync their Sidekick to iCal and if so, what do you think? Are there other options I can waste my time exploring only to come back to this?

Update: I've received cute pics from Jade and my dear friend Celeste Peterson brought to my atttention Keanue Reaves so I am encouraged so far! I also hear loud and clear CC's comments.

Jonah and I are deciding whether or not to procreate at some point in the future.

It comes down to this: What do 1/4 Asians look like?

If you know any, send me pics and I'll upload them.

We'll then be able to make an informed decision.

I'm in Williams & Sonoma and a saleswoman whips up a nice little cup of espresso for me.

I start admiring the coffee machine and ask how much it is. She replies jovially, "$3200!"

My face falls and she says, "You know, if you're someone who buys Starbucks coffee everyday, it adds up! and within a year, buying this is *a lot* cheaper!"

I said, "Riiight! That's truuue!" when really I should have said, "$4.00 x 30 days = $120. $120 x 12 months = $1440...soooooo...how is $3200 less than $1440??!!"

You said you didn't need her
You told her good-bye (good-bye)
You sacrificed a good love
To satisfy your pride
Now you wished
That you should have her (have her)
And you feel like such a fool
You let her walk away
Now it just don't feel the same
Gotta blame it on something
Gotta blame it on something
Blame it on the rain (rain)
Blame it on the stars (stars)
Whatever you do don't put the blame on you
Blame it on the rain yeah yeah
You can blame it on the rain
Get
Ooh, ooh (ooh)
I can't, I can't. I can't, can't stand the rain
I can't, I can't. I can't, can't stand the rain
Yeah, yeah
Should've told her you were sorry (sorry) huh
Could of said you were wrong
But no you couldn't do that. No, no
You had to prove you were strong ooh
If you hadn't been so blinded (blinded)
She might still be there with you
You want her back again
But she just don't feel the same
Gotta blame it on something
Gotta blame it on something
Blame it on the rain that was falling, falling
Blame it on the stars that did shine at night
Whatever you do don't put the blame on you
Blame it on the rain yeah yeah
You can blame it on the rain
Cos the rain don't mind
And the rain don't care
You got to blame it on something
(Blame it on the rain)
(Blame it on the stars)
Whatever you do don't put the blame on you
Blame it on the rain yeah, yeah
You can blame it on the rain
Girl
Ooh, ooh (ooh)
Girl
I can't, I can't. I can't, can't stand the rain
I can't, I can't. I can't, can't stand the rain
Get
Girl
(Whatever you do...)
(Blame it on the rain yeah, yeah) x 3
You can blame it on the rain, blame it on the rain,
blame it on the rain baby
(Blame it on the rain yeah yeah)
Blame it on the stars that did shine that night
(Blame it on the rain yeah yeah)
Blame it, blame it on the rain
woo
I'm walking
I'm walking
Walking in the rain
Walking in the rain
(Rain, rain)
(Stars, stars)
Whatever you do don't put the blame on you
(Blame it on the rain)
yeah yeah
(Blame it on the rain)
that keeps falling, falling
(Blame it on the stars)
that did shine that night
Whatever you do don't put the blame on you
Blame it on the rain yeah yeah
Blame it on the rain (rain, rain)

Sure, they were super straight!

This guy's been trying to auction off his arm on ebay forever:

Jonah brought this over to me at my blog studio.

Yes, I have the sweetest hubby.

No, he wasn't just hoping for something.

Maybe, we're ridiculous and silly in love.

Wow, now that I'm married these are the posts I do?! Help. I'm obviously losing my edge.

If you look closely you can see that the biker down! is on his cell phone...presumably with 911 or something...

But then, emergency workers get there and are ready to spring into action! But he's too busy casually yacking to wife on his celly:

I like that dish you made the other night with the watercress, eggplant and lots of garlic...be sure to make me an extra big portion...afterall, I *was* hit by a car today...

* Off Lafayette St. on my walk to City Hall for grand jury duty.

Here I am with the author after his reading at Barnes & Noble Union Square the other night. He looks angry which he wasn't, I promise. My craned neck makes it look like I was struggling which I was...trying to perfect the 'taking pictures on my own with my arm outstretched' thing with my new, bigger camera.

In response to a question from an audience member (male) as to how it is that as a male writer he is able to write women characters (his main characters are all women), McCall Smith replied, "it's actually not difficult for me to write from the perspective of women...as you can see, I am wearing a skirt."

It's official: I have a crush on this old Scottish writer, philosopher, charmer.

IHere are a few of his books that I adore.

,

Buy 'em, read 'em and let's have ourselves a little online book club, shall we?!

I walked into the ever so pleasant Duane Reade establishment today at 5:34 pm to refill the prescription pictured below when I was told that the pharmacy closed 4 minutes ago.

Ok, I told the lady, I'll just get pregnant then, I chided with her in good humor...I laughed uproariously, she laughed uneasily. I leaned into her space and whispered conspiratorily, "I just won't have sex for a month, just in case." No laughs, no shared moments.

So anyway, my dear readers, is there like a birth control pill black market?? Yasmin...where can I find you?? Yasmin, I need you!!

This event at the 92nd Street Y last night was great. Not only were the participants hilarious but the audience members consisting 98% of old, rich white & Jewish ladies and that reality bumping up against the raunchy, funny talk was priceless. Everytime I laughed the woman to my right would fling her head around to stare incredulously at my profile, aggressively sigh and then gaze at the enormous amount of rocks on her fingers for comfort - and what's obscene?! "That is not true! We don't all tell dirty jokes!" ejaculated one woman seated behind us but when Bob Saget mentioned something about his father's testicles she was in stitches. It's like Matt Stone of South Park said...something like if the rules didn't exist, South Park wouldn't exist...so there it is...

Here's me and my new BFF:

Guy: Yeah!! We're gonna paaaaaartay!!

Girl: Ow, you're hurting me, please let me go.

Rest easy, Duncan and Anne are good friends who've known each other forever so don't worry...she fully indulges Duncan's indiscretions, time and time again...ha ha HA!!!

Yeah, I'm money!!

Sometimes I do naughty things for money (sigh).

* Tom & Jerry Bar on Elizabeth & Houston.

They got the memo:

* corner of 1st & 1st.

Sigur Ros was great last night at the beauty full Beacon Theater.

This is how we started out.

And this is how animated we got.

My favorite was how they all came out at the end, stood in one line together and bowed and bowed. Very modest and very sweet.

* a year or two ago at an EYEBEAM talk.

Update: I'm a Special Narcotics Grand Juror and the only thing that's a bummer is that after serving this time, I won't be called back for 8 years!!

I have been selected to participate in our grand legal system as a grand juror for the next four weeks...count 'em up! FOUR weeks! I am going to be a freakin' lawyer by the end of it! Consider yourselves warned!!!

Of course my instict is to blog the whole thing but even I can rise above my petty needs ok? So I won't live blog the proceedings I'll wait until I get home to spill/blog the beans...ha ha ha ha HA!!

For the difference between a trial juror and a grand juror I suggest googling "difference between trial juror and grand juror" or something similiar to that.

I have a bunch of comic strips written and (roughly) drawn and hope to find someone with a 'wierd and cute' aesthetic who loves to draw, draw, draw!!!

:-)

That smiley face is the extent of my illustration skills.

It feels that way to me these days.

A to A: Very depressing post, Andrea!

A to A: I KNOW!!

A to A: Will you be ok??!!

A to A: I'll have to be...this blog needs me.

Jorge Gonzalez, this is disgusting...both what you ordered and your excitement for it.

It took 20 minutes for all the contents to transfer:

Has my vanity gone too far???

I've got more rhetorical questions if you're interested...

Enjoy your Labor Day Weekends, readers!!

Just know that not long after you get back, it's going to be like this:

And Happy Birthday to my mom, Shanghai Annie!!

I NYC

I'm the biggest flirt when it comes to the Empire State Building:

Clouds!! Are you trying to kill me with this pointilist pattern?!

Grace Church (who knew city search had a religion section?) on Broadway & 10th is magnificent. Swear to God.

Close up:

Close up with its bangs cut:

My (Rear Window) view from my living room.

View from my blog studio (desk):

I NYC

JUST KIDDING!

Soba Koh is a delightful new soba restaurant on 5th St. btw 2nd & 1st Aves.

Rolling it:

Cutting it:

You can see the soba maker if you go for brunch:

Here's a cold soba dish for dinner:

And a warm one:

~slurp, slurp~

...yielded a big fat TV Guide sitting in front of someone's mailbox because it was too big to fit in the box. There's something really depressing about someone subscribing to TV Guide. It can only mean that you're really really into TV right?

I walked by a homeless man sitting in a big red armchair on the sidewalk, waving around a brown paper bag in one hand and gesticulating madly with the other hand while bellowing "Only 25 cents and you can have this beautiful red chair!!" and I couldn't help but think it's probably not the best advertising strategy to be sitting in it. He should have been standing next to it pointing to its pristine promise.

Yesterday I found myself looking up the yoga class I had committed to taking with Arianna. When I found the class description online I blinked three times in rapid succession. It was titled ADVANCED YOGI and TEACHERS PRACTICE and the format was described as: Although it will not be "formally" instructed [WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! FORMALLY INSTRUCT ME PLEASE!! I NEED FORMAL INSTRUCTION!!!], it will be led by the teachers in the room in a round robin format [ROUND ROBIN FORMAT]. All are welcomed to contribute an asana [WHAT THE F IS AN ASANA??!!] or a sequence. Come join us as we strengthen our community bond [THE COMMUNITY THAT VIRANCHYASANA'S TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER I GUESS] and take our practice to the next level [YOU MEAN MY SIXTH YOGA LESSON RIGHT? BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE MY 'PRACTICE' IS AT]. It's gonna be a blast! [BLAST ME TO THE NEAREST EXIT PLEASE.]

I explained to Arianna that as a five time yoga practitioner I didn't think my participation would be appropriate. It turns out she's quite advanced from doing yoga for many years now...and I thought to myself, "I know she's a blogger, an author, and a political activist but who would have guessed she's also a yogi??!!" What else do I not know about this tremendous lady? Who is the real Arianna??!!"

We've got the requisite marriage license!

And Jonah + Andrea is immortalized on the wall in the Office of the City Clerk so we're good to go!

You've all been bugging me for previews of me and Jonah on our honeymoon! Gosh! Well here it is.

P.S. Taken in Paris '04 on our honeymoon test run.
P.P.S Jonah never ever takes his shirt off.

This weekend, these two people seemed to think it was ok to come into EYEBEAM, an Art & Technology Center (not a Drop Down To Your Knees & Give a BJ In The Bathroom Center) drink the champagne served at the Contagious Media Awards Ceremony, get all turned on by the art and technology and make our bathroom theirs. Classy, lassies!!

Thanks to Gabby & Natalia, two brave do-gooders, we have this pretty photo. They promise that next time, they'll reach over the stall and snap the photo !flash! and run like the wind...

I suppose we should all be a little more careful when extending the 'make yourselves at home' offer...

If you freeze in movie theaters I now have a solution for you...Movie Toweling!

It all began when we tried desperately to see Brad & Angelina (Mr. & Mrs. Smith) on opening night, before we could benefit from any word of mouth wisdom. Tickets in hand, we realized since we were wearing tanktops and skirts we either had to go home and call it a night or freeze through the movie...

Not if there was a Rite Aid nearby! Towels were in aisle 13 and Lily checked for wrapability.

No problems and attractive too!

This is what a successful movie toweling looks like!

One limitation of this method: It provides warmth only and does not protect you from bad movies.

If I could capitalize on all the in-efficiency around me I would be rich!

who's always cold, no matter what so I realized the other day why I haven't minded this NYC weather that's been persistently hot and humid for days: I'M FINALLY NOT COLD!!!!

Bring it on, weather!

Sometimes comments are interesting, more often they're not and most often they're a forum for haters and psychopaths. My Dear T-Mobile post made it to the front page of the Huffington Post and of course I had naively allowed comments as I once thought that was the true, democratic spirit of blogging but you know what? I'm over it. In my everyday life I choose not to hang out with annoying or stupid people so why would I open myself up to that online? Good question. Done. Maybe in the rare case where I am asking specifically for feedback on a focused topic I may allow comments but until then....poof! It's as if they never existed.

Those who have commented on topic, kindly and interestingly, thank you! Everyone else, you can suck the big one.

I recently received a text message from you kindly alerting me to my overdue bill. For this courtesy SMS, I thank you.

I called 611, the convenient 3 digit number you graciously provide for the ease of customers, and an automated voice told me that my account was overdue $857.00 due to 'minutes overage'.

IF YOU CAN TEXT ME THAT MY BILL NEEDS TO BE PAID WHY CAN'T YOU TEXT ME THAT I'VE GONE OVER MY MINUTES?????!!!!!!

YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE A HANDLE ON THE TECHNOLOGY!!

I REALIZE IT'S HARD TO SPEAK UP WHILE YOUR POCKETS ARE GETTING FATTER AND FATTER BUT WHY??? WHY??? WHY???

Perhaps I hadn't reached the $1000 mark when the courtesy text message kicks in.

Thank you for your consideration. Please don't shred this.

Sincerely,
Andrea Harner
Customer #IAMSOFUCKINGPISSEDATYOU.

My Obachan is the best. I only wish she lived closer so we could hang out instead of me missing her and salivating over everything she sends me.

What I've been working on...

Summertime is near!!

*22nd btw 10th & 11th Aves, NYC

* Lafayette btw Houston & Bleecker.

There's nothing like waking up to the crying, wailing and moaning of a homeless man right outside your apt building for a good half hour.

So energetic, so passionate, so fun!

Oh New York City!!

It looks like we're on a European Vacation (one of the greatest movies) doesn't it??

Gotcha! We're in NYC!!

Andrea & Willa Rubin LOVE New York City!

For a guaranteed fun time, join us tomorrow night, Thursday, for the Contagious Media Showdown Launch Party which follows my favorite type of event model: Panel + Party (learning + drinking!)

At the Contagious Media Workshops at EYEBEAM I met Lili Taylor of Six Feet Under, Say Anything, I Shot Andy Warhol, High Fidelity, and Dogfight fame and hammed it up for the camera with her.

The only point of this post is to say that exciting things happen at every moment at EYEBEAM events, so join us on Thursday for the Contagious Media Showdown Launch Party!

Note to self: Work on reducing face shine.

I was in a bit of a state Sunday morning, bitching about everything under the sun including 'the state of things' (this should never be left out) and thankfully Jonah suggested solving this discontent with a trip to The Cloisters which of course at first I was like, "A solution?! But I'm content to just sit here and complain! I'm good at this! Don't take it away from me!!" I snapped out of it and was intrigued. We had always wanted to go to the cloisters so finally we did and it was DIVINE. It's now my new favorite place on the island of Manhattan. Once you enter Fort Tyron Park which is just seconds away from the A train - 190 St. stop you are on a hill and feel far, far away from all the grittiness that we love and loathe about NYC.

It will be clear from this post that I had not been in nature for a while and that I love old things.

*21st between 10th & 11th Aves.

Update: Larry David's first blog post ever and it doesn't disappoint!!

Why three head shots? Because more Larry David is always a good thing. Is this necessary? Yes, unquestionably. How does it feel to be obsessed with someone? It feels very very good and true.

***

You may have picked up on the fact that there is never a shortage of projects Jonah is involved in...

One of them just launched...The Huffington Post!!

Get up to date with breaking news and read the posts of movers and shakers who underneath all the glitz and glamor, are just bloggers afterall.

I'm an eager beaver for Larry David's first post...on that note, gotta get back to clicking refresh, refresh, refresh...how many refreshes can you do in 2 seconds? I'm at 10 per second.

If there ever were a mating call...here it is, on plain view!

It screams, "my lifestyle consists of partying and hangovers hence the tylenol and I enjoy good conversations over natural cigarettes...are you a Tylenol & American Spirits person too?"

*Chelsea, NYC

He assured me that amazingly, he doesn't get mugged for his goods....

* The N or the R train

The title of this post should be sung to the tune of ~let my people go~...you know this biblical slow jam right?

* East Village, NYC

Please discuss.

These are Duncan's shoes, in case you were wondering.

What began with Jonah's Nike email asking Nike to stitch sweatshop on his pair of Nikes has launched the term Contagious Media and we're all better off for it!

He then went on to create projects such as Black People Love Us and Rejection Line with his funny sister Chelsea Peretti and Fundrace with super hacker Mike Frumin.

Check out how these projects transform an otherwise stiff museum setting, tomorrow night at The New Museum!

What's happening here?

Please discuss, my readers...this is a safe space and my goal is to community build.

Wear your passions on your sleeve or head!

Just try not to get the musical note backwards...

*Mott & Houston

Spring drama...

Is that blue sky peaking out behind the naked trees?? I wasn't going to be fooled by a little 'blue sky' so I waited...

Sure enough it's been beautiful for a straight week so it's now safe to say spring is here!

:-)

:-) :-)

:-) :-) :-)

*Chelsea, NYC

Do you have what it takes to corral enough traffic to win the cash prizes? Can you make the next Dancing Baby, All Your Base, or Star Wars Kid and ride into the sunset with the bounty? This is your chance to prove you are the best in the West.

If you think you have the smarts, the wits, the drive to enter the contest, be sure to sign up before April 30th and anxiously await for the winners of the most contagious sites to be revealed at the Red Carpet Awards Ceremony!!

Come to the launch party & panel and learn how to make your projects and ideas spread by attending these great workshops!

Contest rules, the concurrent exhibition and all other info can be found here!

Jason Kottke has a new blog studio at EYEBEAM!

His only request was that we allow him to install his disco ball...

Meg & I went to see the Rico Puhlmann Exhibit at FIT the other day....here are highlights and thoughts:

I love, love, love, everything about this photo and all it suggests.

This is fantastic. I was the woman in green in my most recent past life.

I really really hate this color palette.

This is an aspirational image for me.

Bring back this design aesthetic! But never again Mel Gibson!

It was an Ultra Benefit!

*Houston & Mulberry 03.05

A girl has always got to help her gay boyfriend attract more and more boys.

So I picked up this piece of mylar at the Azabu Juban Festival in Tokyo last summer...

It now looks like with dog in tow, Perry Lowe's gonna be a ho! Celebration!

They make their acquaintance:

It works out:

Making sure he doesn't poop and no dingleberries. All clear.

Look at those paws!

Perry whispers in a deep, dark voice, "You better get me foxxy men or I'll cut you loose, Barkums."

All tied up and still a good boy. Wait, I was talking about Barkums, not Perry!

How to be good Oscar Party hosts brought to you by Andrea & Jonah:

*Good viewing. You must use a projector, God's greatest gift to this earth:

Check out projector power - This really isn't fair of me to put Kathy Griffin up against Sparky just to demonstrate this point:

The boys always choose Sparky over Kathy:

*Enough seating. Living room turned home theater with seating for all!

*Be prepared for that one guest who shows up early and sneaks in a "Reserved VIP" sign!

Duncan isn't a tenured professor for nothing!

*Good drinks a aplenty! Jonah is a man of many talents however we found his true calling last night - rum punch maker. Recipe in the spirit of the Open Source movement: Strawberries, oranges, blackberries, mangos, fresh fruit juices, good rum and dry champagne:

Here's the cutest person in the world sampling his creation. It's still delicious as I drink it now!

*Appropriate reading material must be assembled and displayed within easy reach for quick conversation starters. The bobble headed Arnold is the special touch that brings it all together:

*Dress the part. Even if no one else does and you're quickly becoming that delusional friend who thinks she's at the Oscars, you must be true to the glamourous integrity of the Oscars:

*Betting opportunities. Human beings are competitive and money hungry. Work with that. In the end, no one guessed that it would be such a sweep for Million Dollar Baby! Go Clint!!

*Let your guest have a crazy eyes moment. Sally Rumble, ladies and gentlemen:

*In the name of art, harass your too cute guest into picture after picture...Lily Whitall in front of a Cory Arcangel poster:

End of hosting lesson but continued fun!

It was a little wierd when Sean Penn and Hilary Swank got in that tug of war with the Oscar, wasn't it?

Hilary, Hilary, Hilary...you did it again!! I didn't know you grew up in a trailer. Was that really you or Mo Cuishle? All I know is that you are: A phenomenal actress. Classy. Solid. Good person - I can tell. Look like a horse but in a beautiful way.

Johnny Depp is still the hottest...even fuzzy and in wierdo clothing...although...Orlando Bloom, I've caught on to your star quality!!

Ok, we get it! YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON EARTH.

Prince was the highlight of the Oscars and is the highlight of this world. He strutted all 5 feet of his fine ass self onto stage in a purple blazer, pink pants and pink heels:

Now, back to planning for Oscar Party 2006!!

Here are the original Gates in Central Park. Made for $20 million, they still look like shower curtains or train window curtains and as many times as the artists say they're saffron, they're still orange. They have however provided a nice bonding experience for New Yorkers for which I'm grateful:

And here are the other Gates, biaaatch! Made for $3.50 here's the Somerville Gates story.

Click on the little gates for more little gates:

Where do you stand on the Gates??

~ring ring~

Caller ID says: Arizona

Jonah picks up and says: Arizona Better Business Bureau, how can I help you?

Arizona hangs up.

~ring ring~

Caller ID says: MCI

Jonah picks up and says: ATT Wireless, how can I help you?

MCI hangs up.

:-)

SPIRITS OF THE TIMES; A Humble Old Label Ices Its Rivals
By ERIC ASIMOV (NYT) 1889 words
Published: January 26, 2005

IT was not exactly a victory for the underdog, but chalk it up as a triumph of the unexpected.

The idea for the Dining section's tasting panel was to sample a range of the new high-end unflavored vodkas that have come on the market in the last few years in their beautifully designed bottles and to compare them with a selection of established super-premium brands. To broaden the comparison, or possibly as a bit of mischief, our tasting coordinator, Bernard Kirsch, added to our blind tasting a bottle of Smirnoff, the single best-selling unflavored vodka in the United States, but a definite step down in status, marketing and bottle design.

After the 21 vodkas were sipped and the results compiled, the Smirnoff was our hands-down favorite.

Shocking? Perhaps. Delving into the world of vodka reveals a spirit unlike almost any other, with standards that make judging it substantially different from evaluating wine, beer, whiskey or even root beer. A malt whiskey should be distinctive, singular. The same goes for a Burgundy or a Belgian ale. But vodka? Vodka is measured by its purity, by an almost Platonic neutrality that makes tasting it more akin to tasting bottled waters, or snowflakes.

Yet in just a few decades vodka has become the most popular spirit in the country. It is now the default liquor in cocktails once made with gin, and with its glossy merchandising it has set a marketing standard for high-end spirits that the other liquors are all struggling to emulate. It's quite an achievement for something that the government defines as ''neutral spirits, so distilled, or so treated after distillation with charcoal or other materials, as to be without distinctive character, aroma, taste or color.''

A lack of distinctiveness is a separate matter from a lack of distinction. The vodkas we tasted had character and their own flavors and aromas, even though the differences among them were often subtle and difficult to articulate.

''I'm looking for interest,'' said Eben Klemm, a cocktail expert who joined me for the tasting, along with my colleagues Florence Fabricant and William L. Hamilton, who writes the Shaken and Stirred column for the Sunday Styles section. ''Some were so unique that they stood out,'' he added, ''while others were pure, simple and austere.''

Mr. Klemm, whose heady title is director of cocktail development for B.R. Guest, a restaurant group that includes Dos Caminos, Fiamma and Vento in New York, found himself torn in two directions in assessing the vodkas. Because we tasted them straight, he judged them as solo beverages yet could not help extrapolating how they would taste in cocktails, which are overwhelmingly the vehicle for consuming vodka.

Mr. Hamilton, too, wondered whether his perceptions might change. ''When deployed in mixed drinks, these slight flavor profiles that I enjoyed might cause trouble,'' he said.

Ms. Fabricant, on the other hand, dismissed such existential issues. ''Go with the flow,'' she suggested, adding that the qualities she sought in the vodkas included elegance, neutrality and balance. ''As a vodka drinker who likes vodka on the rocks, I picked out what I would want to drink,'' she said.

I'm not much of a vodka drinker myself, although I do like a good bloody mary. I prefer gin in classic gin drinks like martinis and gimlets that have largely evolved into vodka cocktails. But I appreciate the purity and depth of a fine vodka. Those I liked best were all smooth rather than harsh, and balanced and harmonious rather than burdened by alcoholic heat. They had a presence in the mouth that we sometimes referred to as texture or substance.

That being said, at the end of our tasting it was Smirnoff at the top of our list, ahead of many other names that are no doubt of higher status in stylish bars and lounges. Some of those names did not even make our Top 10. Grey Goose from France, one of the most popular vodkas, was felt to lack balance and seemed to have more than a touch of sweetness. Ketel One from the Netherlands, another top name, was felt to be routine and sharp, although Mr. Klemm did describe it as ''a good mixer.''

More than 300 vodkas are on the market now, and of course we could not taste them all. Notable brands that we omitted included Chopin, Finlandia, Rain and Tanqueray Sterling. But our tasting included 5 of the 10 best-selling unflavored vodkas in the United States and the 5 best-selling imported vodkas.

What set Smirnoff apart, we agreed, was its aromas and flavors, which we described as classic. Smirnoff of course has a long history. The company was founded in Russia in the 19th century, and after the Russian Revolution the family, then spelling its name Smirnov, left the country and eventually ended up in France. The brand, now owned by Diageo, was introduced in the United States in 1934 and eventually became the best-selling brand with the slogan ''It will leave you breathless.''

Perhaps our description of Smirnoff as classic was nostalgic, possibly a result of the imprinting of its flavors and aromas on our brains in some early quest through our parents' liquor cabinets. But its smooth neutrality and pleasing texture also won it points, and its success illustrates a vital truth about vodka.

Unlike most other spirits and certainly unlike beer and wine, vodka does not necessarily benefit from artisanal manufacturing. The bearded bumpkin who minds the barrels in the ad campaigns for bourbon has no place in the production of vodka. In fact most so-called vodka producers do not even distill their own spirits.

In the United States almost all vodka producers buy neutral spirits that have already been distilled from grain by one of several big Midwestern companies like Archer Daniels Midland. The neutral spirits, which are 95 percent alcohol or more, are trucked to the producers, where they are filtered, diluted and bottled. In our tasting only one brand, Teton Glacier Potato vodka, was distilled by the producer. Another producer, Hangar 1, distills a portion of its spirits and buys the rest.

What sets vodkas apart from one another are essentially the base ingredients used in the distillation and the water. Most spirits can be made only from certain prescribed ingredients, but vodka can be distilled from just about anything that can be fermented into alcohol: grains, vegetables, even fruits.

Our tasting included vodkas made from wheat, rye and potatoes, even a couple that used grapes. Hangar 1 is distilled partly from wheat and partly from viognier grapes, which perhaps lend the slight sweetness the panel detected. Possibly the combination results in a complexity, which we all liked. Another vodka, Cîroc Snap Frost from France, is distilled entirely from grapes, but we sensed a disjointedness in it that kept it off our list.

Like gin, vodka can be produced just about anywhere, and our tasting included four from the United States; four from Poland; three each from Russia, France and the Netherlands; and one apiece from Switzerland, Estonia, New Zealand and Sweden. Russia and Poland both claim to be the originators of vodka. None of the Russians made our list, but two of our Top 3 were from Poland. The Wyborowa, which comes in a striking bottle designed by the architect Frank Gehry, was elegant and mysterious and seemed to keep drawing us in. The Belvedere was exceptionally pure and smooth.

All four entries from the United States made the list. In addition to Smirnoff and Hangar 1 they were Skyy, which Ms. Fabricant suggested would be superb ice cold, and Teton Glacier Potato vodka, which seemed to conform to the government definition of tasteless and odorless.

While we chose to focus on unflavored vodkas those blended in the factory with flavorings like lemon, black pepper and even chocolate may be the fastest-growing category of all. Given the government definition of vodka, the success of such flavored vodkas may raise the philosophical question one day of exactly what constitutes a vodka.

The prices of these vodkas ranged from a low of $13 for the Smirnoff to a high of $34 for Potocki, a Polish vodka that did not make our cut. The Belvedere also cost $34, but that was for a liter rather than the usual 750 milliliter bottle. Imported vodkas tend to cost more, partly because of taxes levied by various governments, currency exchange rates and, not least, marketing concerns: as has been proved in many industries, wine not least of all, raising the price of a product increases its status among consumers.

Possibly with that in mind Stolichnaya has just introduced a new vodka, Elit, for $60 a bottle. Because Elit was not available in New York at our tasting, the panel did not sample it. Its marketers say it is ''carefully crafted using a centuries-old Russian recipe and a revolutionary 'freeze filtration process.''' The bottle is certainly sleek. What's inside may be another matter.

Tasting Report: In the Best-Selling Category, a Best Seller Stands Out

BEST VALUE
Smirnoff United States Grain $13
[Rating: Three Stars]
80 proof
Pure, clean and ultrasmooth, with pleasing texture and classic vodka aroma.

Wyborowa Poland Single Estate Rye $30
[Rating: Three Stars]
80 proof 1 liter
Elegant and intriguing, with mild flavors and great persistence.

Belvedere Poland Rye $34
80 proof 1 liter
[Rating: Three Stars]
Great smoothness and purity, with good texture and body.

Absolut Sweden Level Grain $24
80 proof
[Rating: Two and a Half Stars]
Smooth and substantial, with flavors of flowers, lemon grass or nuts.

Hangar 1 United States $30
Straight Wheat and Grain
[Rating: Two and a Half Stars]
80 proof
Pleasing, with complex flavors and a suggestion of sweetness.

Vox Netherlands Wheat $23
80 proof
[Rating: Two and a Half Stars]
Smooth and neutral, with savory flavors and a touch of alcoholic heat.

Olifant Netherlands Grain $17
80 proof
[Rating: Two Stars]
1 liter
Subtle, yet rich and complex.

42 Below New Zealand Wheat $24
84 proof
[Rating: Two Stars]
Straightforward, pure and smooth.

Skyy United States Grain $16
80 proof
[Rating: Two Stars]
1 liter
Unusual flavors of mint and lime.

Teton Glacier United States Potato $20
80 proof 1 liter
[Rating: Two Stars]
Clean and light on the palate; odorless and tasteless.

WHAT THE STARS MEAN
(None) Pass it by
* Passable
** Good
*** Excellent
**** Extraordinary

Ratings reflect the panel's reactions to the vodkas, which were tasted with names concealed. The panelists this week are Eric Asimov, Florence Fabricant, William L. Hamilton and Eben Klemm, director of cocktail development for the B.R. Guest restaurants. The tasted vodkas represent a selection generally available in good retail shops and restaurants. Prices are those paid in liquor shops in the New York region.

Tasting Coordinator: Bernard Kirsch
nytimes.com

Recent wine columns from the New York Times are online: nytimes.com/wine. This week, members of the panel discuss their favorite vodkas.

Photos: SIPS DON'T LIE -- In a blind tasting of 21 vodkas, Smirnoff was
favored over newer brands. (Photo by Tony Cenicola/The New York Times)(pg. F1); PRETTY BOTTLES, BUT ... Differences among the vodkas that were tasted were subtle, but each nevertheless had a distinctive flavor and aroma. (Photo by Tony Cenicola/The New York Times)(pg. F8)

Copyright 2005

I really don't think it's my fault. I gave Perry a gift in a Bliss bag and there was a banana in reach and this is what happened.

We're off tonight to Nosara, Costa Rica for a one week work retreat!! / I'm accompanying Perry in search of a rare Costa Rican banana...

This is so fucked up.

I just want to go on the record as saying I will never say to a mugger, "What are you going to do, shoot us?"

:-(

You're the best cousin & friend ever and I love you truly...

I'm a really good cousin so that's why I won't just post this photo of you with a cold...

I also have the heart to post this sexy pic...

Happy Birthday Harmonious!!!

The draw of New York City for Japanese youth and older.

Personally I am so grateful for the slice of home-Japan that exists in my new home-New York City!

Against the death penalty??

It's time to sign up in opposition of it!

Join Andrew Cuomo, Russell Simmons, the League of Women Voters of NYS, among others to put an end to the death penalty in New York State now!!

It takes two seconds and I'm able to see who has and hasn't signed up so be intimidated into signing if you haven't already! :-)

This is just like plastering your car with a Grateful Dead sticker or one of those Christian fish things right? No, not really.

It scares me so if I were a cop, I'd pull over the car, plant a gun and arrest the sticker sticker.

Harsh, I know.

* Lafayette btw Prince & Houston 01.05.

*Elizabeth & Houston, 01.05

While all of us freezing New Yorkers, breath visible and all, scrambled to find the hottest meal at the deli, most women were still in their stilletos eating cold, cold salads. I nearly wept into my noodle soup but didn't want to dilute the piping hot broth.

Weather: Arctic winds, High 18

Comedy Central and AndreaHarner.com give a big thumbs up to...Todd Barry: Falling Off The Bone, a hilaaaarious CD by an incredibly funny man.

Best thing: You can hear teasers that will prove I'm right so take a listen and if you are bitten by the dry, dry bug that is Todd Barry, support him by buying this double disc CD!

I didn't manage to send holiday cards this year so here it is...our belated new years card to andreaharner.com readers!

Wishing you the best in 2005 and may you all find someone who loves you unconditionally or a good dentist.

So here's my brilliant new strategy for addressing a messy apt that I may or m