Last night was intense. My brother and I discovered that we have a sister. Our parents sent us a photo of her and her adopted mother.

We made the brilliant decision last Saturday evening to check out the Momofuku Ssam Bar which recently received a great write-up in New York Magazine. It included this great photo of the unapologetically carnivorous chef David Chang:

We got there at 7:15 and the place was packed - mind you it was Saturday night in NYC (we thought it was highly unlikely we'd be able to be seated but figured it was worth a shot) and were told it was a 45 minute wait. We put our name down and walked down a block to a wine bar, had a glass of wine and 30 minutes later returned. We waited 5 minutes and then were seated - a surprisingly pain free experience! Plus, the vibe was fantastic - the excitement as a result of the NY mag coverage was palpable:

The restaurant is primarily a long counter with a few tables behind the counter:

We were seated at a great spot at the counter, in front of the bright, open and bustling kitchen:

And look who we saw hard at work:

The famous (infamous to vegetarians) chef David Chang himself!

I was slightly worried because contrary to everyone else in NYC I am unimpressed with the Momofuku Noodle Bar. I am a noodle connoisseur and can bore you to death with the subtleties of every kind of noodle dish and let me tell you - that ramen is bland and fatty - not yummy. Nonetheless we ordered full speed ahead!

First came the oysters for Jonah which he, before devouring, made me taste one and it was the first and only oyster I've ever enjoyed. Jonah popped it in my mouth and said, "close your eyes and imagine you're in the sea" and that's all it took. I could hear the Little Mermaid soundtrack and I was an octopus, dancing and singing and having fun with my ocean friends. That's how it has to be for me ~under the sea~ !

Then came the brussel sprouts and squid salad which were both so flavorful and tasty! These two adjectives are a thread in this meal - nothing bland here!

The Korean burritos which this restaurant started out serving exclusively were truly delicious;

This is what it looks like to eat a korean burrito with hoochie nails:

Here's a ham eating a korean burrito:

The pork sausage wraps were also to die for:

And finally for dessert, the mochi ice cream was not great but was good. The salted apples were interesting and quite good.

Super duper contented and delighted...we'll definitely be back!!

Thanks to Kendyl from Canada for the link!

After over one year, here are the pics from my hen party!

I'm a hen! I'm a bachelorette! I'm a princess. Wearing more makeup than I've ever worn:

Wow! Such useful goods! Penis lollipop, penis necklace, penis tarts. Thanks friends!

Hey, it's a whip gift! It's now in a shambles from overuse:

Plaid, schoolgirl underwear! Sexy!

Small animals are a must at every bachelorette party! You may recall them in action here.

And a t-shirt I continue to glean advice from:

Polaroids, always a crowd-pleaser!

Hey, where's Andrea Spratt??

A quick but necessary photo shoot of me and my lollipop in public:

And then we're en route to the Beauty Bar!

Our cabbie begged to come along with us:

While they got their hair done:

I got my nails done:

And as it always does at hen parties, the conversation steered towards the personal and the profane:

Really?? None of you have ever ______???!!! exclaimed the manicurist:

I swear, I've never ________! I'm so lame.

Stop me.

Gabby's last beer before her pregnancy which recently resulted in this little thing!

Our best Jerri Blank impresson - good? Bad:

Half the hen house:

The other half:

Look at Andrea. That neck. You are the funniest. I miss you, leave LA and come to NYC!!

Since the day we met as 14 year olds, we've been highly attractive, sophisticated individuals:

Easily the craziest of the bunch. They may or may not have ended the night by dancing on stage with the stripper pole, kindly provided at Plan B:

Onto Sing Sing!

This is why I have deep furrow lines!

Get the lady on the right a mic! Quick!!

Work it:

Where's Spratty??

Passion of different degrees:

What, me?? A mic hog??!!

Look at that finger work!

I popped a blood vessel:

Feeling, woah, woah, woah, feeeeeeeeling

Endless Love. Andrea is Lionel Ritchie and Lily is Diana Ross:

Intensity!!

Enough is enough!

The night really should be coming to a close...how about now?

End of the night group shot - who are those other people???

* Thanks to Andrea, Lily, Celeste, Mary, Gabby and Zee for the gifts, the good times and the LOVE.

Our Guys is an extremely well-written, thoroughly researched and penetratingly analytic study and account of the crime that took place in a Glen Ridge, NJ basement in March 1989. A mentally retarded girl was raped by a handful of jocks and Lefkowitz examines not only the perpretrators and the victim but also the town, its values and the adults who were all, to varying degrees, culprits to this horrendous crime. What unfolds is a grim picture of a culture that worshipped school athletes above everything else, the confused and often twisted sexuality of teens in our over-sexed society and the leg up that people of higher socio-economic levels will always have. Furthermore Lefkowitz doesn't shy away from the complexities of the case which make the case uncomfortably gray at times but ultimately results in a richer, more nuanced investigation. If this sounds interesting to you let me warn you, it's hard to put this book down, even at 500 plus pages long.

The New York Times Book Review writes, "Extraordinary. A calm, methodical, painstakingly researched, and important book that should be read by parents and eductors alike."

It was very sweet. Jonah planned a whole evening of surprises.

It began at Balthazar with a kiss for making it to 30 and still looking 19 (just leave this statement alone):

Delicious Steak au Poivre:

And then surprise! Meeting up with friends at Bowlmor Lanes! I was so happy not to be sitting in a bar, drinking with friends and not doing anything besides drinking and talking...I think someone's really turned 30!!

In case you forgot how old I turned...

Forget 'birthday'! Let's just celebrate the person!

Duncan lit the candles - he's had a thing for fire since a very early age:

Do I have to turn 30?? Yes.

Summoning up the breath...it's tough after 30 years of bong hits (hilarious!):

Freshly whipped cream and my favorite...strawberries!!

Every party needs cartoon plates:

Time to get serious:

Guess who??

Team huddle!

Another bunion (albeit smaller) in the midst! Don't worry, I won't tell who it belongs to...Annie.

They've been married for 5 years and been on the same bowling league for 10:

Duncan dislocated his shoulder and we had to pop it back in, Lethal Weapon style - he stops at nothing for bowling:

Annie and Sally and Strawberry:

I do a real disappearing act when I bowl:

Lily & Sandy:

Mary 'Ball of Fire' Patterson:

You can do it, sweet pea.

To each his own...

Sally & Tosan:

The Passion of the Bowler (Sandy):

Peace signs are contagious - spread the cheer:

Thanks hubby!

End of the night - time to walk into traffic - j/k.

Everything good must come to an end...in the garbage shoot:

Thanks to Jonah and friends for a super fun evening, for contributing goods, for the photos (I didn't take a single one!) and for the LOVE.

* For those not yet 30, know that the pain is temporary. The week leading up to and then the culmination on birthday day is painful but the next morning it's all gone...and so are your 20's.

For my 30th birthday Jonah and I went to Miami!

South Beach baby!

Look at that delicious ocean!

See how clear the water is?

I realized early on that I am a water creature. Like a fish out of water that's just been returned to the ocean/the fishbowl/the river, I was so fucking happy and relieved to be in water:

But my eyeballs are more of the delicate human kind:

Get away from me while I'm peeing! J/K. I've never ever peed in the ocean.

Jonah's more like an amphibian but he was loving it too:

This is an advertisement for marriage & visors:

Note that the further out people went, the shallower it got - it was surreal:

If you're looking for a good pose you can always fall back on, try this Japanese inspired classic!

The type of beach I love - with beach chairs and umbrellas. The Hotel was great in that included in your price of stay are complimentary beach chairs and umbrellas:

A bunch of beach bums:

A perfectly nice butt:

Hey, Baywatch!

Pam?? Carmen?? Hoff, you there??

You have to love Miami dolls girls - bleached blonde, all smiles, hot pink lipstick, sunglasses, nails and bikini:

After a day at the beach we checked out Miami architecture - don't knock the deco!

Many of the buildings in Miami also change colors:

They think it's worth the money:

Obviously it is:

The first night we went to a Cuban diner/restaurant and ate terrible bread and salad and terrific shrimp in garlic sauce:

You can all thank my camera for its self-timer function - without it you wouldn't have this special picture (Todd Oldham tie-dye robes are yours to roll around in while staying at the Todd Oldham designed The Hotel):

On the second day it started storming at about 2 pm.

I just didn't want to buy it.

The clouds don't say t-storm do they?

It's like when your bangs are all blowing one way:

Thank god for Jonah who's blessed with the ability to anticipate so he said, we should leave the beach soon and head to a cafe before all these people do the same. Sad to say, had he not suggested that I would have been the last person on the beach, blindly believing that maybe, just maybe the storm wasn't approaching after all.

Even though this was what the beach side of the sky looked like...

The storm was just minutes away and as foreseen, the exodus from the beach to the cafes started right after we nestled in at the News Cafe where we ate and drank a girly drink and a unisex drink:

My solo wet t-shirt contest - winner!

Post-storm sky:

Post-storm ocean:

Post-storm beach:

Post-storm lonely lifeguard station:

Post-storm swim face-lick:

Off to our fancy dinner at Big Fish:

Thankfully our cab driver knew exactly where it was because it seems a bit hard to find. In case you're lost with a cabby you can pound on the back of his seat and scream, there's a three foot wide neon sign of the outline of a fish! Can't you find it?? I know we're in a city of neon but it's of a fish!! and you'll find it in no time:

Fresh made tagliatelle with lobster, shitake mushrooms and truffle butter - quite good although a little too salty:

Jonah's was delicious - Black ink linguini with scallops & asparagus and saffron sauce:

View from table:

Across the street from the restaurant was another changing color building:

It's a night club - the sort of place I don't ever ever ever go to anymore:

And then there was the rooftop pool which was truly spectacular. Clean, nicely designed, view of the ocean, nice staff, delicious frozen mojitis:

From the other side:

I really should have had a visor on! 30 years old and wrinkles accumulating!

More floating - I only recently accomplished floating so...

Jonah was reading a book that was getting on his nerves - psssttt - Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, it's subject is enticing but it's poorly written by a guy who may have narcissistic personality disorder:

Pool time is happy time!

The pain in the ass nasal spray needed chilling so we gave it some ice and a mint leaf from our mojito - a spray-ito!

On our last night we went to have dinner with a family friend who loves roses so we were off to the flower shop - flowers sure are pretty!

This nipped at me when I got close:

Here's what you'll get for $50 in Miami - it was tremendous and very heavy:

All trips come to a jarring end at a terminal gate. Miami airport was filthy - there was a little mousy:

A woman screamed and ran away when she saw this little fella.

As a New Yorker (it's just a mouse, it's not even a rat, lady) and a photographer, I was unfazed and poised to snap photos - mice are very fast and little point and shoot digital cameras can't keep up very well:

Since we've been back, Jonah and I have been busy eating lots of candy:

* Miami is special! It doesn't quite feel like you're in America.

** We booked our flight and hotel through travelocity (not so with Tra....velocity!) which had decent package prices.

*** If you're audio sensitive/can be difficult about noise, you should pack a pair of earplugs. The Hotel as all the hotels in the area and architecture in the tropics are constructed with thin walls.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

The Godfather

The Humpty Dance

Hhhmmmm, how am I going to do this??

I'm going to have to give it my all, that's for sure!

Shake things up a bit, tear some ligaments, reset some bones

Chew on the toes furthest away from the problem area

Gnaw a little closer to the source

Try a deadly gas attack

Damn, this was harder than I thought, I'll just cover it up

A for effort, Angus!

My poor readers. I've decided you're all dream whisperers so you're expected to interpret my dreams. How about this one from yesterday morning? ...besides the obvious...

* I realize that our relationship has been taken to a new level with this weird post - are you ready for the intimacy and craziness??!!

It was July 4th weekend and we were off to the Berkshires - we had never been there so we were going to share in the fun of exploring together - or so I thought. Once we got there Jonah realized, "oh, I have been here!" Great...

Nature - opening shot:

First stop was Mass Moca because we were sick without art - j/k. - like really really j/k. We got there in the evening and noticed it so stopped by.

Oooohhhh, arty shot from behind, Dre!

Our friend Natalie Jeremijenko's upside down trees!

Jonah didn't realize how he inspired me here...

Until I did this funny move:

There's only so much art you can take so we went in search of Jay-Z cds. We stopped at Walmart and discovered that they were all censored cds so in tremendously effective protest we didn't buy anything. We did however notice that a bird lived in the A:

Thank god for Best Buy, we had uncensored tunes to get us to putt-putt!

We weren't going to be fooled by their tricky course.

All lined up - lookin' good, Dre!

Hhhhhmmmmm:

This is what is called an air putt or what Jonah calls a practice swing:

Jonah slapped himself a few times and got serious:

And looked towards the mountains in search of his ball:

FYI - I lost to Jonah by 6 points. I'm pretty sure he cheated by 7 points.

The following morning we set off to our primo destination - Shaker Village! You heard correctly...

While there, we seriously contemplated celibacy since the Shakers lived that way and wondered, "is it so different from our lives now??" ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!!

We asked the guide all dressed up (more like dressed down!) like a Shaker what the biggest scandal to rock the Shaker community was and he answered with a story about two Shakers in love, taking the train up to Albany and getting married. Once married however they were filled with such remorse that they hung out in the lobby of the hotel all night so that there wouldn't be any mistaking that they did not consumate their marriage. Supposedly the guy was so guilt-ridden he returned to the Shaker community that morning and the woman took the $10,000 they had embezzled from the community stash and took off, never to be seen again!

That was what we needed to know so then we were off!

No American holiday weekend is complete without a car show!!

We searched for a car for me - either a Jag XJS or an MG Roadster, I'm flexible - but unfortunately they were mostly all American cars:

Makes me proud to be American:

Can't not love this - it's purple:

Owner of this car's a big skiier:

I wanted what Granny had:

We were a bit concerned but not enough to investigate - buffalo wings called:

We ended that day by drinking beer and eating buffalo wings at the pub across from the inn where we stayed - we're married, what do you expect us to do? Party?!

The following morning we were off to Waconah Falls! I love love love love love waterfalls.

Snowmelt feels cozy:

Fellow Americans:

A forest nymph:

We then went biking!

I especially enjoyed leaving Jonah in the metaphorical dust and gloating!!

I even had time to admire the shadows:

Now can you see him??

My view while biking - his view was a still-life:

Although he was gaining speed...

Poor me didn't know he was getting closer...

Check out his shadow's body language!

And then I heard a super annoying, "ON YOUR LEFT!"

And then it was his turn to gloat:

And enjoy his view and mess up mine - not that we're competitive:

Friendly tip - if you're deathly allergic to bee stings like yours truly, it's good to wear bright colors that attract bees like a flourescent orange skirt as pictured and to forget your epi-pen:

Who doesn't love gooses geese on a lake?

And purple flowers?

Oh my god! What happened to the background??!!

White flowers:

After biking and smelling photographing the flowers along the way, Pecks Falls was our next destination and second waterfall in one day!!!

They were beautiful:

And I was cold!!

But I knew I had to brave it:

Even as I got numb and number:

Because it is almost always worth it:

JP was ready:

Looking brave, Jonah!

Frozen pensive moment - he might have been peeing here:

He was fine!

Nature - closing shot:

* Thanks to me for my ingenuity to finally google, "html for crossing out words" and discovering the STRIKE TAG!!! Get used to a lot of crossed out words, bitches!! Please bear with me while I overuse this great html tag for a while!!!

** Thanks to the friendly guy at Berkshire Outfitters (not at all like Urban Outfitters, people!) for the Pecks Falls tip!

Hey, it's us! A year ago today! How about that?!

Hey good-looking! Wanna get married today?? Do I see some nerves in that smile??

We were off - you'll see a lot of the back of my dress in this post - I couldn't resist:

Thanks for stopping for us cabbie! You were pretty integral to our plan:

Taxi moment:

It seems like someone realized once they got to City Hall that she forgot her license that her hubby went back for:

Most romantic part of wedding - writing check to the cashier:

It's getting hot (and silly) in here!!

Snoozing while waiting to get married:

It's important to crack yourselves up!

It was our turn - sometimes dresses get stepped on in the process:

The rings fit:

It was official!

Officially sweet post-marriage kiss:

Yay!! Jonah was on the phone to coordinate with our friends and family and strippers - j/k!

Hey! There's the back of that dress again!

We had a meeting of the minds with our bus guide Rockwell who posed and rehearsed in style:

Remember, it's important to have your friends throw bird seed and not rice, because rice supposedly makes the pigeons explode, which could have been cool but would have taken the spotlight away from us:

Hugs all around! Jonah and his Mom:

Jonah and his Dad:

The Sisters in Law hug it out:

Jonah's new extended famiglia!

The bus adventure begins!

And from behind!

Appetizers before dinner - me and my bro:

That's a pretty bride face, Andrea!

My Pops:

Don't let Jonah's Mom's sleepy face fool you - she was ready to party!

Dinner was very sweetly all about toasts,

toasts,

toasts,

and more toasts!

After dinner we went to the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park and noticed that the ducklings received our wedding invitation!!

Here's the documenting of the group photo that never turned out:

We played a shoe game that I swear wasn't done just to show off our hot shoes:

Kerroppi umbrellas should make at least one appearance at every wedding:

Have I mentioned that I loved my dress?

My parents, happy as clams:

Woooohooooo!!!

Happy times:

The End:

* To our friends and family who might not have seen enough representation of themselves in this post: Having over 1000 photos it was easiest to pick out these few for this post but don't worry you'll see more of your fine selves in the wedding album (s) that you'll get to look through for hours and hours and hours and then you can take a break and by then you'll be ready for the second and third volumes.

At lunchtime, sit next to someone who is audibly and frantically speaking into their phone saying, "I am so filled with self-hatred right now. I just got this awesome job where I have more responsibility than I've ever had...so much so that I feel like they must have mistakenly hired me... and then I go out and get wasted last night, show up at work late this morning and feel like death right now. I have no one to hate but myself."

* Unless you did the same thing the night before.

** Overhead in Duke's Deli on Broadway

NEVER.

Andrea Harner, Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello and Amy Sedaris, old friends.

From the beginning...

We were on our way out, in our glamorous hallway when I took a similar shot with the little digital camera I was bringing to capture the evening. Upon taking the pic I noticed the low-battery sign (it was in the charging cradle but wasn't properly latched in - damn!!!) So I calmy ran back into my apt, very collectedly tore through my chest of cameras from over a decade ago and found my little, trusty, real film point and shoot camera that ended up saving this night. (I've long ago resigned myself to the fact that I believe that if it wasn't documented it never happened.) Judging from my uncharacteristic patience while waiting for these important photos to be developed, I'd say I would have been a much more patient person had digital cameras never been invented.

Confession: As a serious fan of the TV show I was nervous that the movie wouldn't do it justice.

Paul Dinello said he would thank all the people that were integral to getting the movie made except that would take away from him so...and then Amy dedicated the movie to, "ugly people".

I am happy and relieved to report that it's a good, funny movie definitely worth going to!! My two complaints are: 1) the Sarah Jessica Parker role is utterly and painfully unnecessary and 2) I don't think the reasons why Jerri Blank is 46 years old and going back to high school after 32 years of being a "user, a boozer and a loser" need to be explained. I was never concerned about that while watching the TV show but I suppose for the mainstream movie-going public they felt that some explanation was necessary. Oh! And why her Dad is in a coma. These things just seemed perfectly normal to me! Other than that aspect which felt contrived, it was truly funny, raunchy and inappropriate - bring the whole extended family!

As soon as I spotted the trio at the afterparty at Dylan's Candy Bar I headed off to do my photoblogging duties and Jonah's too smart to be anywhere near me when I'm in that spastic mode so there he is! Over there!

I can no longer deny it - I am paparazzi:

I'm even better than traditional paparazzi because I get them in there too - so meta!!

It's true - Buddhist paparazzi exist:

Cute moment between geniuses:

Enter her butt for more fun movie stuff and go see Strangers with Candy opening June 28th!

Thanks to Think Film for buying this flick and finally distributing it! It felt like a lifetime of using and boozing, waiting for it!

Nick threw a party for the Other Michael Jackson which was fun and a lot less raunchy than an Original MJ party would have been.

Me and my twin Arianna - identical except for the numerous published books, the formidable social network, the inspiring career, etc:

Jonah's women - don't make him choose:

Me and the respectable looking Ben - you'd never suspect he runs Thrillist:

Thank god for these guys (the drinks)!

TEQUILA!! Doug!! Jonah!! TEQUIIIIIILAAAAA!!!

Too much tequila...off we were to Lure Fishbar. Shrimps for Andrea, Martinis for Rachel:

Hey, how about we drink more, Ricky??!!

We're only getting FUNNIER!!

Shrimpy Mary!

And the oyster shot side dish that came with it!!

I hope he doesn't turn towards me when he vomits...

Nick sticks to tequila and Jonah has oyster shot eyes:

You (Jonah) can never have too much oyster:

TORO!!!

Soft shell crabs - everything you wanted to know about them:

The ladies were sexy and sweaty (from left to right) at the end of the night:

I felt about 50% reduced the following day.

Update: Here are the ads.

JWT Puts a 'Roadblock' on Huffington Post by Julie Bosman.

Watch him say this:

What he failed to mention is something that has been a big part of his family history - incest.

A: totally awesome hook-up two Thanksgivings ago. Inhofe was drunk in bathroom, peeking through slit in door, waiting until Granddaughter walked by and then he stuck out his creepy hand, grabbed her and pulled her in. She's now 9 years old and drinks before noon.

B: Cousin Boy and Cousin Girl are madly in love with each other but don't want to taint the family's recorded history so instead have romantic plans to marry other people but to always live next door to each other for the rest of their incestuous lives. In this secretive, tense environment they fight a lot but always have makeup sex.

C: These guys really brokeback it. They were always close brothers and now that their wives are friendly and take karate lessons together, they've been able to spend qt together at pottery class. P.S. That phallic ashtray Brother B received from Bother A was indeed pottery art from the heart even though Brother B, in a crystal meth freak out, threw it in his son's face and it shattered. Now his son wants to do meth and bang his brother like Daddy.

I walked into the bathroom, saw this and felt too discouraged to brush my teeth:

From the dog, tiger and pig website that is ModernPooch.com we have this amazing story.

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of
triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy,
the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly
after birth.
The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to
decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt
that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a
depression. The doctors decided that if the
tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news
was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the
mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never
been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take
on the care of a different species. The only "orphans" that could be found
quickly, were a litter of weaner pigs.
The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the
babies around the mother tiger.

Thanks to Jodi for this!

Hey readers!!

You know how I'm only supposed to suggest you click on ads that you genuinely have an interest in and are relevant to you otherwise I could be engaging in click fraud?

Well, today's keyword cartoon involves drugs, alcohol, Kate Moss and rehab.

Who doesn't have a genuine interest in those things??!!

Dear Mommy,

Thank you for everything you have taught me. As I've gotten older I hear your wisdom ring in my ears whenever I stray. When I was younger it seemed annoying but now I agree with your often blunt, but profoundly true outlook and advice.

You taught me first and foremost that I should take care of my body and mind. I take a multi-vitamin everyday although that doesn't seem to stop you from asking me on our weekly phone calls if I'm taking my multi-vitamins :-) I eat well though I know I should eat more fruit! I exercise, not as much as I should, but I do! I don't drink too much, certainly less than I did when I was a naive youngster, because as you always said, it's not hard to understand that alcohol beyond moderation becomes a poison.

You've taught me to love myself even with my flaws. Physical "flaws" can be tough for a girl but you always told me uncomplicatedly that the most important thing was that I was fortunate to be in good health and that I was beautiful no matter when anyone or any "beauty authority" said. When I cried about my pimply teenage skin you said that I was blessed with oily skin which meant I would have less wrinkles as I aged. When I was a teenager mortified by my bunion you said, "hey, you may have ugly feet but you have a pretty face!" I look at how you hold yourself and how you've aged gracefully and I'm in awe at your strength and beauty.

You always stressed that education and being smart was the most important thing. I thank you for always expecting me to get the highest grades and for all the times you said, "you're smart and you speak and write well so you should be a lawyer!" :-) Although I haven't become a lawyer and instead have recently taken up cartooning I know you're proud of me because you now think I'm as good an artist as Picasso :-) Thank you for always valuing brains, a healthy, holistic lifestyle and imperfect, natural and true beauty. You are a living inspiration to me and I'm grateful with all my heart that you are my mother.

Love,
Your daughter

is GGirl.

I have to tell you, I'm pretty excited about my Private Jet Aircraft cartoon:

I only wish! it were socially acceptable for a nearly 30 year old woman to wear heart-shaped sunglasses.

We always suspected cocaine use in this apt but the nerve to put it on flagrant display like this!!

We knew this was a cry for help so we swept it up and left him alone.

Look at this beauty:

Complete with an offensive female character hanging from it:

And here's the scooper, a real worker bee!!

I'm enrolling people in my 'ear cleaner rotation program' so if you want to give it a go, send me your contact info!

Since Google isn't allowing drug advertisements anymore I couldn't use this cartoon for KeywordCartoons so here it is. Enjoy!

Did I just invent the greatest saying or what?! No google search returns so consider it an AndreaHarner.com original.

The energy it requires to be an inventor such as myself is exhausting.

Hellllloooo sophisticated, sexy AndreaHarner.com readers!!

I'm very excited to announce my new project KeywordCartoons featuring the adventures of a cute, weird and monstruous little purple-haired girl named GGirl!

While my obsession with cartooning was developing, so was my sense that I'm like a border collie!, desperate for fun! and challenging tasks! so voila! I've been tasked with drawing a daily cartoon inspired by the most valuable words and concepts on the Internet. Thanks to Jonah for transforming me into a border collie.

You can visit KeywordCartoons for brand new daily cartoons or follow a link to the latest installment where they will appear daily right here on AndreaHarner.com. I hope you enjoy the trials, tribulations and twisted thoughts of GGirl!

Concept: Jonah Peretti
Cartoons: Andrea Harner
Code: Andy Yaco-Mink

I really hope Google supports me on this project - we'll have to wait and see!

As I child I flew a lot and fortunately, most often on Singapore Airlines. While that airline still seems like the best, I discovered a pretty cool airline flying from LA to Honolulu...can you guess which one??

Hawaiian Air!! Where everything is purple!

I saved these purple utensils and put them on my mantel and gaze over at them and cry with joy every few days:

HAWAII!!!

The light!!

Darker:

Dark:

Green:

Greener:

Aaaahhh:

You kill me!

With such pretty pay phones it's no wonder you'd be a meth dealer conducting business from these phones and contributing to the horrific meth (aka ice) problem in Hawaii.

This was the beach, Waikiki Beach, that we couldn't go in because it was contaminated from a recent sewage spill:

Me and my bro, he's tanning, I'm hiding:

There are a lot of old limos that are used as cabs in Hawaii.

First in the series of limo as background is me and the OG (my ojichan-godfather that Jonah nicknamed the OG as in Original Gangster):

Me and my dear obachan-godmother, the classiest, most lovely lady I've ever known:

Me and Syuri, my older godbrother Hiromi's extremely precocious and charming four year old daughter:

Series: Syuri modeling hats in limo:

You have a lot of series in this post, you say?

Yes!!

One of two in the series of her shoving stuff up her nose. She was after my heart:

I only used this earplug once after she did this. And then I threw them out!

The tall building behind the Louis Vuitton store was my favorite.

This is what Syuri thinks of that building and my commentary on it:

This is a Monkey Pod tree. It's the OG of trees.

First in the series of 'When you ask a random person to take a photo for you they'll often suck at it'. What's that space to the right??

My signature shot:

Ed and Syuri had a swingin' time!

Swinging makes Syuri dizzy:

Really dizzy:

Pineapples come from the ground and not from trees, people!

Brave demonstration for size:

On the biggest tourist trap of an attraction, the Dole Pineapple Plantation Train Tour, I saw the thinnest farmer and horse I've ever seen:

Syuri checking out Ed's panties:

She wouldn't let go:

They made up quickly as everyone should after getting sexually harassed:

And rolled around in bed. Let's hope this is the most rolling around in bed with a boy that Syuri does for a loooong time:

On a road trip to the North Shore...you gotta install the Japanese speaking navigation system!

Americans in the back:

Rainbow front and center!

Tards at Kaihlua Beach:

My younger (of my two godbrothers) godbrother Yasushi, his very tanned skin and two bright floaty things:

Me, my bro and Yasushi's fiance Keiko whom we met for the first time on this trip. Don't worry, we liked her otherwise we would have drowned her.

White smiling girl and Dark smiling guy:

Why do I look pale?

Keiko and Yasushi, very cute and very near:

Keiko and Yasushi, very far:

Garlic Shrimp on the North Shore!!

Truly delicious, shell and all:

Second in the 'When you ask a random person to take a photo for you they'll often suck at it' series.

Here's the OG on the Beach series.

As eyes can tell, the beach is his element:

Look! It's like we're in Japan!

Ramen!

And more ramen! There can never be enough!

Japanese porno. $60 a pop. It's expensive for the good stuff!

Sweet statue:

Scratch & Sniff it:

Here we are, looking like it's me, my husband and daughter!

Sometimes you forget to zoom back out:

Fancy diner and dinner:

My brother got so spoiled on this trip that he refused to ride with us and rented his own limo to "stretch out his arms and legs". I quickly took a picture before I went back to the other limo:

I fought to have him share his limo to the airport with me:

My godmother and Syuri had folded cranes and instead of throwing them out, my godmother wrote a very elegant note thanking the hotel staff and asking them to please enjoy the cranes - you can't make up this classiness and kindness.

So let me piggyback off that and say thanks for enduring this neverending post!

As I was packing to leave, I stubbed my little toe, the nail cracked in half right down the middle (I would never spare you the important details, my fine fans - photos to follow. JK Rowling!) and blood spurted out all over the hotel carpet.

When asked to take off my shoes at airport security (of course I had on my gladiator resembling birkenstocks that you can't hide anything in - they're silver btw) I pointed at my feeble toe and said, "My toenail cracked in half so I don't think I should get it near this floor."

And that was it!!

I highly recommend nearly destroying your pinky toe to avoid the nonsense and nuisance of taking your shoes off for airport security.

It makes me so sad to see Hare Krishna evangelists at airports. I know it could be worse and they could have those vacant eyes and be heroin addicts. And I know that from their perspective they've found 'the truth'. I still can't help but feel deeply distraught by the fact that I didn't get to brainwash them into being my unpaid personal assistants before the Hare Krishnas got to them.

I woke up this morning and said to Jonah, I dreamed about Top Chef last night! That aggressively annoying character Stephen was proving all that he knew, the other character so and so were doing blah blah blah and then the judges were like this and that" and Jonah replied, "Congratulations, your mind has been colonized by TV".

And that is just one of the gazillion reasons I love my hubby :-)

For making me look like this:

Notice my red inflamed skin on my face versus my non rash skin on my neck:

It itches like hell:

And continues to itch:

And itch:

Here are the ingredients - let's try figuring out which is the problem! I have my money on the parabens.

Purified water (aqua), glycerin, cetyl ricinoleate, isohexadecane, ceresin, glyceryl stearate, water. titanium dioxide (C177891), propylene glycol, styrene acrylates copolymer, hydrolyzed corn starch, ammonium hydroxide, phenoxyethanol, methylparaben, ethyl-paraben, butylparaben, propylparaben, isopropyl lauroyl sarcosinate, sericin, hydroxydecyl ubiquinone (idebenone), sodium PCA, steareth-2, PEG-60 hydrogenated castor oil, PEG-100 stearate, glycosaminoglycans, linoleic acid, linolenic acid, tocopherol, millet (panicum miliaceum) extract, cholesterol, ceramide III, dimethicone, PEG-50 dipolyhydroxystearate, magnesium aluminum silicate, xanthan gum, cetyl hydroxy-ethylcellulose, disodium EDTA, BHT, diazolidinyl urea, methylparaben, propylparaben.

Prince brings it out in me every time!! Jonah is incredulous at my finger work.

* At Meg & Jason's wedding over the weekend.

* Taken years ago in Chelsea. Have rediscovered draft entries while preparing for a very sexy re-launch!!! Stay tuned, excited and don't blink.

I was in Duane Reade the other day when all of a sudden I and the 50 people in one inefficient line all heard and saw a woman walk into the store, crying and wailing, her face contorted with pain. She looked like the average 50 year old Jewish New Yorker. Prematurely silver hair, black full length puffy coat, black boots caught in between snow boots and stylish boots, carrying a hippieish beige satchel purse. I stood there thinking, "I have to ask her what's wrong. I have to help her. If I don't what kind of person would I be? Would I even be a human being if I didn't?" and as she balled and moaned and walked by me my thoughts turned into "I'm sure the reason people don't approach this sort of sisutation is out of fear. And it's understandable. I mean, how do I know she won't lash out at me or maybe even hurt me?" and just like that I went from being a caring person to a rational, cold person. She walked down the long makeup & shampoo aisle and the weird thing was that she stopped crying but after a minute or so would start up again. I and one other person in line were traumatized (visualize our furrowed brows and frown lines) and captivated and kept turning around to observe her. My curiosity got the best of me and I stepped out of line and found myself downstairs in the cleaning products aisle where she was narrowing down detergent options. I walked by her slowly and she seemed fine. If I hadn't witnessed her sobbing upstairs a few minutes ago I would never had known that anything was wrong. And then it occurred to me that she probably has Tourette's and I felt better for being a cold-hearted person with a detective mind.

I know that as loyal readers you care so much about me and you try not to overstep boundaries like asking for the details of my nasty cold/flu/whatever this is. Well I love you too so I'll satisify your latent curiousity with the latest developments:

This morning I woke up with a burning sensation in my chest and sure enough there was a snot factory brewing within.
I blew my nose and was happy to see a whole mess of yellowness.
I said to Jonah, "Isn't it good that it's yellow?"
Jonah to me: "Well, you want clear."
Me: I know but doesn't yellow come after green and then comes clear?"
to which Jonah replied, "I don't know the colors of the snot rainbow, my sweet pea."
And I fell in love all over again.

* I layed out the episode the way I did because it's poetry. 2006 kind of poetry. Pre-divorce Nick & Jessica kind of poetry.

It always begins so clean, so nice, so simple...

But you could read between the coke and pepsi lines and sense the fierce ensuing competition:

The wines - St. Aubin vs. Peter Vella box wine (their graphic design is so inspired!):

The vodkas - Grey Goose vs. Smirnoff and the cokes - Pepsi vs. Coke:

My dear friend Sally Rumble comes through with her homemade blindfold!!

I obviously think this is a cute look:

Cory Arcangel's arrogant "give it to me":

Here it is, Cory, can you do it? Sniff away boy!

Haaa, harder than you thought huh?! Beer was his palette cleanser.

A lot harder:

Ok, I know which is which!

WRONG:

Cory: Here Lauren, have a sip of my beer. It's good! Lauren: What would you know? You have no taste buds.

Oh we had high hopes for Lauren Cornell being a classy lady who grew up in NYC...

But hopes are often dashed:

And squashed as if they never existed:

Jacob, the Drinker:

The Thinker:

The Stinker:

Jamie Rollins had a special kind of challenge:

Guess if it's your friend James Powderley or your girlfriend Rebecca Bureau kissing you? He was stumped.

In the drink challenge too.

Rebecca on the other hand...being half French...

Knew a box wine from a French wine...

And the differences between American Colas AND the subtleties of a pretentious vodka versus Smirnoff. Hooray!! First person to win the triple challenge!!

Sally's a great blindfold maker. Let's just leave it at that.

Why does this boob/wine glass photo seem wrong?

Lily Whitall read somewhere that looking like a blonde pocohantas would give her a leg up in the challenge:

Let's take a sniff:

Let's really get in there...oh well.

Ok John, Mr. Conoisseur.

The stars just weren't aligned:

The stars were bad:

He guessed the Colas correctly:

But the wine mistake will take time to heal:

With only one person, Rebecca, having met the challenge, Jonah was amped.

Intensity:

INTENSITY:

That's my boy!! He became the second (and ssshhh, last!) person to win the challenge!

Dalton Conley represented NYU by attempting to cheat. Just kidding. He didn't cheat.

In the end he gave the party a 50 minute lecture on how if you cheat you only cheat youself...and then tried for another sneak peak. Just kidding *again*!

Duncan represented Columbia by being big - too big for his whole head *and* body to fit in a picture:

The only person to ask for a refill:

Duncan confessed to us that he really likes challenges involving drinking. We had no idea.

Whereas the majority of players got 1 out of 3 right, Natalie Jeremijenko made a name for herself by getting all 3 wrong! That's my girl!

Friend from high school, Tosan Omabegho (my nickname for him: Toaster OnABagel), giving it a go:

He was introducing me to his date who he brought named Vasolina - no joke - she was very sweet and very sloppily named - pun intended.

Thanks to whoever took this picture - you really captured nothing special. BTW, I got 2 out of 3 right and will now be sticking to box wine since I apparently prefer it.

If you look past the mess,

You'll see THE RESULTS!!

6/16 GUESSED THE WINE CORRECTLY = 36%

8/16 GUESSED THE VODKA CORRECTLY = 50%

11/16 GUESSED THE COLA CORRECTLY = 70%

IMPORTANT NOTE: IT TOOK TWO PEOPLE OF FRENCH AND OF ITALIAN ANCESTRY TO HAVE PALETTES DISCERNING ENOUGH FOR THE WINE, VODKA AND COLA TASTE TEST CHALLENGE!

The point is that this challenge was A LOT harder than people expected. A LOT. I dare you to give it a try and report back here please! Good night!

Spent this past weekend in Vail for our friend Duncan's 45th birthday. I learned that skiing is prohibitively expensive, a pain in the ass for most of the time and fun sometimes. Hot tubbing is fun all the time.

Our favorite skiing position:

There was a serious altercation at the intersection of the paw prints - People are still talking about it:

Tards:

Stupid street sign system - What? It snows here and the street signs might get covered up??!!

Tards in shades:

Glistening beer:

2 Boots as in Two Boots - HA HA!! That's only hilarious to Manhattanites.

I'm not at all afraid of heights or the ski lift.

Short skies = Professional Skier. 124 cm to be exact.

My favorite skier:

Amy Sedaris fans will delight!

P.S. Fur is never cool.

P.P.S. Amy Sedaris and Bjork are two of the most inspring women to me.

P.P.P.S. I will give my everlasting gratitude to the reader who get their paws on this poster and then gives it to me - I can't seem to find it anywhere:

It began as it always does now doesn't it? With sweet sweet intentions - Lily was treating us to a horseback riding outing! It went terribly wrong.

Little did Jonah know he was catching one last serene moment, taking in the horizon before his horse was to have his way with him:

I suppose we could have picked up on these clues - The horse's 'tude - it wouldn't listen - plus Jonah's body language:

I've had great rides before but something about this horse and the whole miserable looking lot of them me very very anxious. "No Sandy, I won't look at the camera...something bad might happen if I move":

When asked to turn around and smile! before we embark on this fun time, I said "No" and "No".

The only person who was riding along like Jackie O. was Lily, the one person who's been riding since she was a fetus:

Unfortunately for posterity, there are no photos of what happened because it happened in runaway horse time. Are you familiar with that time?? Jonah now is. The horse bolted and Jonah was taken off the beach, his head barely missed a huge tree branch and onto a dirt road parallel to the beach and the horse just kept running and running until it took a 45 degree turn into someone's driveway, the force of which threw Jonah off the devil and into a fence. It was horrifying to watch this happen especially because Sandy and I couldn't see anything once they left the beach. The only cool things about this were that 1) Jonah is ok and seems not to have suffered any *real* brain damage and 2) watching Lily, half a second after the horse made Jonah his bitch, take off like the wind after them - man, do I wish there were photos of that - it was the coolest, most heroic thing I've seen.

Here's the external damage - let's not even get into the internal damage:

Nurse Lily was fantastic as Wife Andrea documented:

Don't worry, she sterilized her breath before this:

And then she used an old family remedy - pouring the wife's blood into the husband's wound - she insisted:

And Jonah was ready to party the next day - New Year's Eve - and the following day - his birthday:

Oh poor sweet boy - I felt he at least deserved a special birthday cake:

* Nosara Costa Rica

Obama for President, Oprah for Vice!

O2 in '08!!

Oxygen in 2008!! (Read: We can finally breathe again!)

Do you think I'm onto something here? Both in terms of potential candidates and winning slogans??

Thank you!

It all began with a little brown(ie) gift from a friend with the initials JSJ- look at those eyes - he knew I'd end up freaking a little kid - oh he knew.

And this resulted - hey there's DJ Spooky! - he was fantastic and provided the perfect soundtrack to this mess:

Lucky kid huh? - he's doing the "yay!" thing with his arms - it only looks like I'm forcing them up:

Alright kid, if you wanna get a little freaky I can - it's not my usual MO but I'm flex!

A little to the right, we've got a good thing going!!

Heeeeeyyy! Where did he go? Why am I dancing alone??!

* Thanks to Jonah for capturing this.

Apparently there was confusion...then the highlighter pen stepped in to clear things up:

* Women's Bathroom in El Rey Del Sol on 14th St.

It's what I am. I fiend for cuteness, love the cuteness and need the cuteness so bad but then I can never get enough so I weep.

My favorite site on the Internets.

Thanks to Jamie Rollins for for feeding my habit and for putting before me the kindest, most potent junk.

I thought that maybe drawing food while hungry would be like cooking while hungry in that when I was done drawing/cooking, I wouldn't be so hungry anymore but nooo.

Quiz that won't make sense to most of you:

Is this a drawing of

a) Negi Ra~men
b) Nyorou Tang Myen
c) Tonkotsu Ra~men
d) Tan Tan Men
e) Oyako Donnburi

??? Highly anticipated answer to follow.

I am nervous! This Thursday I'm going to my dear friend Celeste Peterson's thesis defense at Princeton. She's nervous, sure, but I'm really nervous. What do I wear?!

It's in the subject area of Molecular Biology. Repeat after me - Mole Ecu Lar Bi O Lo Gy. The study of the biology of moles.

I'm considering these seven looks.

1) The obvious choice might be good in terms of showing solidarity like Yeah, I'm a scientist too! Chemistry set!

2) Or I could be hard core but instead of fag I'd write SCIENCE (I'd keep the framing of the word the same).

3) How about an inspirational vision of purple/Prince so when she looks over I can throw her the 'I Would Die 4 U' signs at her?

4) Potentially too racy but could get the blood flowing in the room and have the judges (whom I'm certainly will be mostly male) to remember me, and hence Celeste, fondly.

5) Or I could just be professorial and ooze judgement...but show my softer more fallible side by making the mistake of wearing a beret.

6) Celeste and I got married within 2 weeks of each other so I thought as a way of remembering that sweet time I could wear my wedding dress?

7) Or I could just try to blend in:

Which should it be?? I'm stuck between 1 through 7.

I want to give a shout out to my buddy Zee Myers for being the coolest, most inspirational teacher of Illustrator!

Arigatou! and here's my present to you Zee chan! It's appropriate isn't it considering your little problem...ssshhh...

This is a FANTASTIC book.

If you like good writing, smart insights and strong observations this memoir is for you. I read it in 3 hours. I'm sure you can read it in 4-5.

Maybe it's because I grew up in Japan. Maybe it's because I'm little so little things feel akin to me. Anyway, I love little things...especially little burgers!!!

Little, cute, gorgeous meal, right folks?!

Beautious side shot:

Hamburgler Jonah was on the scene. P.S. I didn't trust that smile.

He wasn't fooling me...I saw his hand moving in closer...

But what was he gonna do?? He couldn't, he wouldn't...

Oh no, he didn't!!

And there went the third burger...and our marriage...

P.P.S. Hamburgler and I have since made up and we've now teamed up as a Hamburgler team...WATCH OUT.

Thanks to Sally Rumble for spreading the cheer!

Apologies. I'm really going to bore some of you.

Everyone else...let's talk MAKEUP!!

As many of you ladies out there know it takes a *lifetime* to find makeup products that work for you. Not only are we overwhelmed by choice but we also have to figure out what our makeup threshold is. For example, I'm just not that girl that spends hours putting on her face in the morning. Not only is that a heinous look but I just won't spend that much time on makeup because I'd rather be doing other things. Also, I don't wear foundation nor powder (you're really not fooling anyone...you can see it) so here's a short list of what I use and frankly, it's true: Less is more.

In order of application:

Post moisturizer primer-I love this stuff: Laura Mercier Foundation Primer.

Best undereye concealer: Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer Kit - I don't use the powder but the concealer really is creamy and sits well when applied by dab dab dabbing your finger.

Best redness concealer - I love the color red but not on skin: BenFit You're Bluffing.

Best eyeliner: Estee Lauder Artist's Eye Pencil in SoftSmudge Black.

Best eyelash curler: Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler.

Best mascara for fine, almost non-existant lashes like mine and it won't make you look like a whore although it's possible I do and no one's bothered telling me: Lancome Hypnose Mascara in Black.

Best mascara if you have normal lashes: Maybeline Great Lash.

Best blush - I'm all about sheer, sheer, sheer!: Tarte Cheek Stain in Tickled.

Best blush with staying power for dancing until dawn: Mac powder blushes - they last *forever* - I've had mine since fifth grade.

Best inexpensive lipgloss - it's that perfect, almost natural lipcolor red and it feels gooooood: Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Cherries in the Glow.

Best for that pretty peach color - super soft and great consistency: Chanel Glossimer in Sirop.

Best way to maintain lip color during a long ceremony where you don't want to reapply like your wedding - wear this on its own or add gloss or whatever on top: BeneFit's Benetint.

Best cream eyeshadow that will last the entire day and night without creasing or disappearing (I used this and the two items above at my wedding): Mac Paints in Stilife.

Any thoughts? Anything I should try?? Ladies, let's not hate, let's share!

Last night as we walked down our hallway towards our apartment, we couldn't help but notice a rancid smell. It was strong, musty and almost sour...definitely something natural. Later in the evening we heard two women walking past our door saying, "Oh my god, it smells terrible!" and Jonah and I looked at each other and there it was, the unspoken...that was then spoken, "Someone on this floor may have died." And it was a sad moment but a New York moment nonetheless.

On further thought, I think one of the models in the building finally croaked after 2 years of a sparkling water and saltines diet. Oh wait, nevermind, we're on the 5th floor and the models are on the penthouse floor.

1) Atlanta, Georgia is like New York City. Hardly anyone who lives there is actually from there and most everyone is politically liberal.

2) Birmingham, Alabama's south side is where it's at and in particular, the Garage Cafe* is a great bar.

3) Sports, especially football is huge down there.

4) Jackson, Mississippi is strange and strangely sweet...especially the Queen of Hearts Blues Bar that's been there since Shellie B. started it up in the 60's.

5) Men will be friendly to two women much more than women will.

6) It's easier to say not so nice things when said in a sweet, sing songy Southern voice and preceded by "______ (Insert name of person you're about to criticize), bless her heart... ______ (insert insult)." I actually quite like it!

7) When offered car bombs (shot of whiskey dropped in a half pint of Guinness) in a bar by a local you want to interview and get in good with, you should graciously accept...especially the third one.

8) Wisdom for the ladies from Earl on his porch in Jackson: "Make sure the man you're layin' with, cares somethin' about you."

9) It would be the right thing for Mississippi to fix their state flag by replacing the upper left confederate image with something else.

10) Southerners do talk slowly.

11) Most Southern women do not talk about sex as openly as we New Yorkers do and love to do.

12) Although listed on menus under Vegetable, Mac & Cheese is still not a vegetable.

* Free hot dogs on game nights.

One morning I thought I was clever and funny by arranging our innocuous little figures* into one on one 69 positions. As the 5 year old I'd become, I hooted and hollered to Jonah about my hilaaarious creations. When I returned from a run a little while later, Jonah looked at me gravely and said, "I had to take apart the little figures. It was just too disgusting" and then I felt a sinking, horrible feeling that maybe Jonah and I were not compatible after all but then a glint in his eye made me run to the bathroom counter (home to the little figures) where I discovered that he had taken it a step further, entirely in the right direction for us to be compatible. Enjoy.

*Thanks to my friend Mary Patterson for the little gifts! You must be proud.

Yeah!! Halloween won't be back for another year!!! (This misrepresents me as a Halloween Grinch when in fact I'm more just indifferent).

Oh but candy corn!! I WILL MISS YOU!!! Especially since there's a little game we now play isn't there?? It's called...Which is Healthier? Candy Corn or ???

The jury is out on almost all of these "plays" so let me know how you vote!

Dammit, Harner! Do you have to begin with a brain stumper??!!

Corn versus Corn!?

CornS versus Corn! I'm pulling my hair out.

Chicken and egg scenario?

East meets West:

Very similar, very difficult.

Who's not fantasizing about rolling that little candy corn around on that butter stick and once its smothered enough, popping it their mouth?

Toughie but I'm not interested in easy games.

Wedge that little CC in that bun, fry it up and you can call yourself a bon vivant.

Consulting ingredients labels required:

Impossible.

Cute. It's like they're siblings.

Now the older sibling has a lover.

Cute versus cute!

?

???

One might make you feel better afterwards but that's not what's important...it's what makes you feel good during so yay for candy corn!!

This is true!!! We went with some friends to a Democratic Fundraiser last night and afterwards we grabbed a bite to eat. We found it extremely odd to be on the Upper West Side and enveloped in a strong and distinct maple syrup smell! I think we downtowners thought it was a weird UWS thing that we couldn't even begin to understand...turns out the smell was first reported downtown...

New York City has many odors, but when the city began to smell a little too good, New Yorkers became alarmed...LOL.

Here we are, serving our country proudly a.k.a eating hors d'oeuvres, drinking white wine and listening to Senators.

Here we are with a guy we think is stalking us.

If you know what's causing this smell, report it to the authorities immediately!! Rotting trash in Chinatown and dog piss in Chelsea I can handle...sweet Vermont like smells??!! Make it go away...

Update: I've received cute pics from Jade and my dear friend Celeste Peterson brought to my atttention Keanue Reaves so I am encouraged so far! I also hear loud and clear CC's comments.

Jonah and I are deciding whether or not to procreate at some point in the future.

It comes down to this: What do 1/4 Asians look like?

If you know any, send me pics and I'll upload them.

We'll then be able to make an informed decision.

Is there a digital drawer hiding inside of you?? Unleash the shy bastard!!

I absolutely love this thing:

My first two drawings - You should not infer anything about my mental state based on these:

And hey! If the Wacom tablet doesn't make a digital drawer out of you, just think - you now have what's basically a really great $300 mouse!! Return it immediately if you don't love it...but if you suspect that you might like it, you'll love it.

Look no further for others in the World's Smallest Series: For the World's Smallest Pancake & World's Smallest Hanger.

Update: This is unfortunately true!

These were sent to me by my darling brother Edward Harner as he knows what an animal lover I am! Anyway, I nor the people I sent these onto have been able to purge them from their minds. Is this real? Is this photoshopped? I personally think these have authenticity stamped all over them...I mean, look at the person, presumably woman standing behind the pooch in her pink slip ons...you can't fake that realness.

Here's to sharing horrorific imagesl!!

It's weird when a friend confides in you her deep, dark secret and it's that she only allows her hair to get cut underwater.

But this is pretty normal right?

This event at the 92nd Street Y last night was great. Not only were the participants hilarious but the audience members consisting 98% of old, rich white & Jewish ladies and that reality bumping up against the raunchy, funny talk was priceless. Everytime I laughed the woman to my right would fling her head around to stare incredulously at my profile, aggressively sigh and then gaze at the enormous amount of rocks on her fingers for comfort - and what's obscene?! "That is not true! We don't all tell dirty jokes!" ejaculated one woman seated behind us but when Bob Saget mentioned something about his father's testicles she was in stitches. It's like Matt Stone of South Park said...something like if the rules didn't exist, South Park wouldn't exist...so there it is...

Here's me and my new BFF:

* Nantucket, MA 09.05.

Someone's allergic to mosquito bites and the posting of this photo clearly shows how vain she is not!

Thanks skeeters!

Nice:

Oh, we can all assume there's a vampire loose on Nantucket OR if there are any doctors out there, what the hell do you think I was bitten by?!?! It felt like it was 1.5 inches long, half an inch wide with a hard shell...and it took a little pulling to get it off of me...eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!

* Nantucket, MA 09.05

LaGuardia:

JFK:

* Summer '05.

If your husband documented the end of your night and it looked like this, you know it was a rough one.

You also really really hope that all your friends who were a part of the evening suddenly became amnesiac.

Nantucket, MA 09.05.

Here's the test: Which is cuter?

My sleeping Sparky?

Or my sleeping Uncle Robert?

* The OC, CA 08.05

I NYC

I'm the biggest flirt when it comes to the Empire State Building:

Clouds!! Are you trying to kill me with this pointilist pattern?!

Grace Church (who knew city search had a religion section?) on Broadway & 10th is magnificent. Swear to God.

Close up:

Close up with its bangs cut:

My (Rear Window) view from my living room.

View from my blog studio (desk):

I NYC

* Santa Barbara, CA 08.05.

Update: Is Mariah Carey becoming a Norma Desmond? According to an anonymous source (who heard from a friend of a friend of a friend), it appears so! While it's not (yet) her butler feeding her delusions by writing her fan mail, it's her entourage replacing her size 10 or 12 tags with size 6 tags! Is it wrong to be bigger than a size 6? Of course not! Is it wrong to live or facilitate a delusional life? Never! It's just really creepy.

I've always loved Mariah so I'm profoundly relieved to see that my new sister in law has come around to appreciating her...finally...

It's nothing but Mariah, Mariah, Mariah from here on out, Chels!!!

BTW, half of the rest of the album is good too...For my first venture back into cd purchasing since 1999 I feel that a CD that yields 50% solid results is pretty satisfactory. Truth is that I was (am) so obsessed with Track 2: We Belong Together that I listened to that over and over and over and occassionally got around to Tracks 1, 3, 4, 5 (Snoop's voice is like a warm blankie during an anxiety attack), 6 and 7 (Jermaine Dupri gets an A+ for enthusiasm!) and they're also good! But don't worry! Will brave exposure to the second half of the album soon...exhaustive updates to follow

As for her transition, we can all be happy for it!

2003:

2005:

* posted while standing in line at Swan Oyster Depot in San Francisco.

We've been married almost a month now and I've noticed Jonah doing this curious act during meals!

Should I be worried?

* Rome, Italy 07.05

This was a rare moment for us - walking in the Vatican. Most of the time we were speeding around in a golf cart with a giant American flag soaring from it.

The Vatican is kind of amazing:

Be careful - If you don't wear sunglasses you'll look like Jonah. If you wear sunglasses (that look like welding glasses) you'll look like me (a welder):

Clouds really add a lot, don't they? I'm into clouds!

Shiny (me), happy people outside St. Peter's Basilica:

And we're in!! Although I don't always make it into my signature 'take it myself' shots.

Oh, there we both are! My armpit area is feeling a bit overexposed and shy though!

We're under the Oculus in St. Peter's which our tour guide Jason described as being large enough to fit the Statue of Liberty in! When a rogue tour participant asked Jason if that included the base of the Statue of Liberty, he quietly replied, "well, no".

Poor Jonah really gets roped into me paparazzing us, doesn't he?!

The woman on the left with an umbrella open must be a Chinese relative of mine.

Look at our tour guide go! Can you guess what he's explaining? The big kahuna...the Sistine Chapel!

Jonah is the pious-est. He's having a moment of worship for the gold plated ceiling:

Who does this statue resemble??? Look more closely...Bill Clinton!!

This was our tour guide's favorite thing in all of the Vatican. This reddish, purplish bowl was used as a huge eating bowl, filled with tons of food that debaucharous Romans (love 'em) climbed into and feasted in. Then they went to the vomitorium to create more room to eat and drink and be merry! Yay!!...but that's not what he loved. He loved the reddish, purplish marble that the bowl is made of because according to him, it's incredibly rare, the Vatican owns 80% of the world's supply and therefore it's worth millions or billions.

This one's for the parents!

The End:

BTW, guided tours are great and so is the Vatican...having been there twice now...I'd go back for more!

Stay tuned for a Swiss Guard post...it'll be hot!

I walked by a homeless man sitting in a big red armchair on the sidewalk, waving around a brown paper bag in one hand and gesticulating madly with the other hand while bellowing "Only 25 cents and you can have this beautiful red chair!!" and I couldn't help but think it's probably not the best advertising strategy to be sitting in it. He should have been standing next to it pointing to its pristine promise.

Yesterday I found myself looking up the yoga class I had committed to taking with Arianna. When I found the class description online I blinked three times in rapid succession. It was titled ADVANCED YOGI and TEACHERS PRACTICE and the format was described as: Although it will not be "formally" instructed [WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! FORMALLY INSTRUCT ME PLEASE!! I NEED FORMAL INSTRUCTION!!!], it will be led by the teachers in the room in a round robin format [ROUND ROBIN FORMAT]. All are welcomed to contribute an asana [WHAT THE F IS AN ASANA??!!] or a sequence. Come join us as we strengthen our community bond [THE COMMUNITY THAT VIRANCHYASANA'S TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER I GUESS] and take our practice to the next level [YOU MEAN MY SIXTH YOGA LESSON RIGHT? BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE MY 'PRACTICE' IS AT]. It's gonna be a blast! [BLAST ME TO THE NEAREST EXIT PLEASE.]

I explained to Arianna that as a five time yoga practitioner I didn't think my participation would be appropriate. It turns out she's quite advanced from doing yoga for many years now...and I thought to myself, "I know she's a blogger, an author, and a political activist but who would have guessed she's also a yogi??!!" What else do I not know about this tremendous lady? Who is the real Arianna??!!"

It may appear that my pinky finger is the culprit here but in fact I have been caught several times without a pinky finger to blame (recently woke up on the plane with a dry left eye) so it's for real. A BIG thank you to Jonah for capturing this!! Otherwise who would have known?! Pretty too!!

* Isola Bella in Taormina, Sicily 07.05

We've got the requisite marriage license!

And Jonah + Andrea is immortalized on the wall in the Office of the City Clerk so we're good to go!

You've all been bugging me for previews of me and Jonah on our honeymoon! Gosh! Well here it is.

P.S. Taken in Paris '04 on our honeymoon test run.
P.P.S Jonah never ever takes his shirt off.

This weekend, these two people seemed to think it was ok to come into EYEBEAM, an Art & Technology Center (not a Drop Down To Your Knees & Give a BJ In The Bathroom Center) drink the champagne served at the Contagious Media Awards Ceremony, get all turned on by the art and technology and make our bathroom theirs. Classy, lassies!!

Thanks to Gabby & Natalia, two brave do-gooders, we have this pretty photo. They promise that next time, they'll reach over the stall and snap the photo !flash! and run like the wind...

I suppose we should all be a little more careful when extending the 'make yourselves at home' offer...

If you freeze in movie theaters I now have a solution for you...Movie Toweling!

It all began when we tried desperately to see Brad & Angelina (Mr. & Mrs. Smith) on opening night, before we could benefit from any word of mouth wisdom. Tickets in hand, we realized since we were wearing tanktops and skirts we either had to go home and call it a night or freeze through the movie...

Not if there was a Rite Aid nearby! Towels were in aisle 13 and Lily checked for wrapability.

No problems and attractive too!

This is what a successful movie toweling looks like!

One limitation of this method: It provides warmth only and does not protect you from bad movies.

I recently received a text message from you kindly alerting me to my overdue bill. For this courtesy SMS, I thank you.

I called 611, the convenient 3 digit number you graciously provide for the ease of customers, and an automated voice told me that my account was overdue $857.00 due to 'minutes overage'.

IF YOU CAN TEXT ME THAT MY BILL NEEDS TO BE PAID WHY CAN'T YOU TEXT ME THAT I'VE GONE OVER MY MINUTES?????!!!!!!

YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE A HANDLE ON THE TECHNOLOGY!!

I REALIZE IT'S HARD TO SPEAK UP WHILE YOUR POCKETS ARE GETTING FATTER AND FATTER BUT WHY??? WHY??? WHY???

Perhaps I hadn't reached the $1000 mark when the courtesy text message kicks in.

Thank you for your consideration. Please don't shred this.

Sincerely,
Andrea Harner
Customer #IAMSOFUCKINGPISSEDATYOU.

Click, listen & see:

Thanks Lars!

Researchers Pinpoint Brain's Sarcasm Sensor.

via Eyebeam's ReBlog.

At the Contagious Media Workshops at EYEBEAM I met Lili Taylor of Six Feet Under, Say Anything, I Shot Andy Warhol, High Fidelity, and Dogfight fame and hammed it up for the camera with her.

The only point of this post is to say that exciting things happen at every moment at EYEBEAM events, so join us on Thursday for the Contagious Media Showdown Launch Party!

Note to self: Work on reducing face shine.

I was in a bit of a state Sunday morning, bitching about everything under the sun including 'the state of things' (this should never be left out) and thankfully Jonah suggested solving this discontent with a trip to The Cloisters which of course at first I was like, "A solution?! But I'm content to just sit here and complain! I'm good at this! Don't take it away from me!!" I snapped out of it and was intrigued. We had always wanted to go to the cloisters so finally we did and it was DIVINE. It's now my new favorite place on the island of Manhattan. Once you enter Fort Tyron Park which is just seconds away from the A train - 190 St. stop you are on a hill and feel far, far away from all the grittiness that we love and loathe about NYC.

It will be clear from this post that I had not been in nature for a while and that I love old things.

Yay! I am thrilled that this great piece of work exists!

I completely empathize with the predicament and couldn't agree more with the proposed solutions.

It's worth checking out. I promise.

Now let's all get busy becoming disciplined, creative, productive people!

Thanks to Rubin, a new commentor on this site for this great link!

Please discuss.

These are Duncan's shoes, in case you were wondering.

Just imagine walking around your house/apt, maybe even humming and then hearing a little something, looking down and seeing this little guy...I know what I'd do...what would you do?

It's no wonder this is the most widely circulated image on Yahoo...

via reBlog.

Wear your passions on your sleeve or head!

Just try not to get the musical note backwards...

*Mott & Houston

SOS.

We need a new word to describe this kind of over the top CUTENESS.

The Silly Sleeping Pose Olympus - Duets:

The Silly Sleeping Pose Olympics - Solo:

I had no idea how fun skiing was! Especially spring skiing closer to the west coast than to the east coast!

It didn't all begin so well though...If you don't count the few hours I skiied in Japan when I was 11 (I had another chance to ski when I was 16 but I chose the Prince concert instead - smartest decision of my life to date) then this was my first time skiing and I'm a scaredy cat.

The lengthy process of standing in line, getting fitted and renting skiis only increased my anxiety (Why is this such a big production?! Why is everything so serious and precise?! Why are they talking about skiis needing to buckle off if you crash?! SOS!!) but luckily I saw this guy's outfit which was aspirational for me.

On the first lift ride up, this scene helped calmed my nerves.

This parent and child connection made me want my mommy.

This little guy next to me made me feel small.

But then I met my inspiration. Size = Small. Attitude = Big.

And what do you know?! After crying atop the mountain, "How am I supposed to get down this mountain??!!" I got down it and it was fun!

Note: This form may be priceless for the camera but not recommended down the slopes.

I had to give it up to Jonah's teaching and his ski skills which I did not know about!

It made me wonder, "what other surprises does he have in store for me?"

New and improved attitude.

It was Ski Love:

Ski Love Part Deux:

Back at the house...

I enjoyed staring at the beautiful ceiling.

Hot tubbing:

Getting backgammoned by Jonah:

And then for nighttime snowmobiling!

Gross kissing through helmets:

My tough guy:

There we were, asses on Polarises! Let's do this!

Snowmobiling is for the tough minded and thick skinned...I barely made it out alive.

Apparently Al Roker and I have more in common than meets the eye.

And then it was time to say goodbye...

To the awesome weekend and the Aspens I fell in love with:

*Park City, Utah

Now this is my kind of blog post...straight up documentary photos arranged in comic book style and feuled by commentary born out of a love of the funny, incongruous details that make up our lives.

Jake rescues one of those big fish in the tanks in Chinatown and frees him in the river!

Highlights:

I mean, look at the sadness.
“I’d take you all with me if I could boys…”

Getting him to hold still for the weigh-in was no simple matter. My happiness was building though…

I was running low on funds, but I figure it you come to New York and don’t ride in a single cab you’re missing out on the experience. Ideally he would’ve been able to look out his clear bag at the city as we drove… we could’ve even taken a victory lap or two around the neighbor hood. Oh well.

"It’s alright little guy. It’s not just about us anymore. This is for everyone who’s ever felt like a fish out of water… everyone who’s ever felt helpless… like life is out of control…"

“Go boy, go!”

The End!

via Kottke.org.

All you need to do is put on a straw hat and it's tropical vacation time!

It also seems to be 'cute boy with a straw hat on' time!

We hadn't slept the night before since our flight left JFK at 5 AM and this flight from San Jose to the town of Nosara was at noon:

Apparently, everyone was relaxed enough to snooze on this 12 seater. Not me.

Fortunately for documentation sake, I was hyper awake pulling double duty - gripping Jonah's leg with my sweaty palm and snapping away at these precious photographic and photogenic moments:

My relationship with Jonah thrives because he indulges me like so:

Oh good! 40 minutes later and we see a bikini waxed strip of land!

Note: Planes are prohibited from landing after 4PM as there are no lights on this runway.

There's Rick Walker, owner of the Corky Carroll Surf School where we stayed. Don't be tempted to draw similarities with Humphrey Bogart's Rick character - you'll yield no results.

There's a pig in the picture and there's also something resembling a yam. Can you spot it?

Brandino's close up:

The place was an animal farm and I was in heaven.

Christine Hanaway: You may have purple eyes but you're also a bomb dropper!!

Hot Toddy subsists on nothing but saltwater and pot smoke...it's truly a natural wonder.

Puppy guillotine for when he's bad:

The poor crab was bad:

Pool time! Tried and true tricks!

This one never gets old:

Presenting Annie Maxwell, white geisha.

Liz Slagus: Look! No floaties!!

The underwater handstand had Kenyatta Cheese floored:

Jonah as Superhero Surfer Man!

Jonah as Surfer Dude doing the meanest hang ten/shaka bra ever documented:

Nice hustle!

Bellyflop minus 2 seconds:

Canada Dry should buy this photo off of me (and photoshop out bellyflop evidence):

Perry at the beginning of the trip:

Middle of the trip:

End of the trip:

John Johnson singing his signature song: ~O say can you see? By the dawn's early light...what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming~

Pot (one of our surf instructors and owner of Hot Toddy) with paparazzi:

Pot with a groupie:

Pot to John: From one blonde to another, I really think you should consider my hair lightening method - douse your hair in tequila & lemon juice and surf all day long...

Let me tell you why the painting behind me speaks to me...and how much I like Costa Rican beer.

Everbody needs a Bon Jovi T-shirt - there's mine:

Rick is communicating that life is good!

Slash is a regular at the surf school:

Garnish:

Traffic:

I'm envious of their flawless skin & perfectly applied kohl eyeliner:

Bye Costa Rica!

The End:

While I'm too busy to blog (what?! no?! never!) please enjoy one cute little kitten after another cute little kitten after another and another... such as...

I'm madly in love:

I'm desperately in love:

I'm crazy in love:

Prince!!! You need me as your assistant!!

Look at how I would report to duty every morning at Paisley Park!

Passionate in purple and ruffled blouses! Just like you!

So professional!! So purple!

Don't you see it?! Don't you feel it?!

I'd always point you in the right direction!

Purple suede tassled heels!!! We're perfect for each other!!!

* Photography and therapeutic support by Jonah.

Update: It's an R&B song.

Updated update: It's a currently popular R&B song.

Can you guess what song had me singing all passionate while driving in LA?!

The first person to guess correctly wins...continued reading rights! How motivating! Yay!

Hints abound below - stay focused.

This is how I look at the passenger when my favorite song comes on:

Don't let the intensity escape you:

And then I launch into it:

'Extra Firm Hold' Smile in anticipation for chorus:

Chorus:

Wanna ride with me?

It was an Ultra Benefit!

A girl has always got to help her gay boyfriend attract more and more boys.

So I picked up this piece of mylar at the Azabu Juban Festival in Tokyo last summer...

It now looks like with dog in tow, Perry Lowe's gonna be a ho! Celebration!

They make their acquaintance:

It works out:

Making sure he doesn't poop and no dingleberries. All clear.

Look at those paws!

Perry whispers in a deep, dark voice, "You better get me foxxy men or I'll cut you loose, Barkums."

All tied up and still a good boy. Wait, I was talking about Barkums, not Perry!

How to be good Oscar Party hosts brought to you by Andrea & Jonah:

*Good viewing. You must use a projector, God's greatest gift to this earth:

Check out projector power - This really isn't fair of me to put Kathy Griffin up against Sparky just to demonstrate this point:

The boys always choose Sparky over Kathy:

*Enough seating. Living room turned home theater with seating for all!

*Be prepared for that one guest who shows up early and sneaks in a "Reserved VIP" sign!

Duncan isn't a tenured professor for nothing!

*Good drinks a aplenty! Jonah is a man of many talents however we found his true calling last night - rum punch maker. Recipe in the spirit of the Open Source movement: Strawberries, oranges, blackberries, mangos, fresh fruit juices, good rum and dry champagne:

Here's the cutest person in the world sampling his creation. It's still delicious as I drink it now!

*Appropriate reading material must be assembled and displayed within easy reach for quick conversation starters. The bobble headed Arnold is the special touch that brings it all together:

*Dress the part. Even if no one else does and you're quickly becoming that delusional friend who thinks she's at the Oscars, you must be true to the glamourous integrity of the Oscars:

*Betting opportunities. Human beings are competitive and money hungry. Work with that. In the end, no one guessed that it would be such a sweep for Million Dollar Baby! Go Clint!!

*Let your guest have a crazy eyes moment. Sally Rumble, ladies and gentlemen:

*In the name of art, harass your too cute guest into picture after picture...Lily Whitall in front of a Cory Arcangel poster:

End of hosting lesson but continued fun!

It was a little wierd when Sean Penn and Hilary Swank got in that tug of war with the Oscar, wasn't it?

Hilary, Hilary, Hilary...you did it again!! I didn't know you grew up in a trailer. Was that really you or Mo Cuishle? All I know is that you are: A phenomenal actress. Classy. Solid. Good person - I can tell. Look like a horse but in a beautiful way.

Johnny Depp is still the hottest...even fuzzy and in wierdo clothing...although...Orlando Bloom, I've caught on to your star quality!!

Ok, we get it! YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON EARTH.

Prince was the highlight of the Oscars and is the highlight of this world. He strutted all 5 feet of his fine ass self onto stage in a purple blazer, pink pants and pink heels:

Now, back to planning for Oscar Party 2006!!

It's not everyday that you meet and fall in love with a super hero...while in Costa Rica, I met and fell in love with Surfer Man!

~ring ring~

Caller ID says: Arizona

Jonah picks up and says: Arizona Better Business Bureau, how can I help you?

Arizona hangs up.

~ring ring~

Caller ID says: MCI

Jonah picks up and says: ATT Wireless, how can I help you?

MCI hangs up.

:-)

Oh boy...have I done it again!!...yes I have!!

This terrific site, a precious cut-out of Jonah's head and yours truly collaborated to create this masterpiece.

Jonah unlocks his grooves - click and see:

Fellow Mensans,

There's one question that is stumping me!!

In the early 18th century Mrs. Abigail Eischrank of Cambridge, MA, gave birth to thirteen children. Exactly half of them were girls. Explain.

Please don't say, "one was a hemaphrodite!" or "one was still born." I just don't think that's it. Only non-retarded answers will be included in the brilliant thread of possible answers.

These cards were a great gift to Jonah by Chelsea and they do not contain answers therefore I'm asking you.

Thanks!
AH

So here's my brilliant new strategy for addressing a messy apt that I may or may not be entirely responsible for.

When Jonah comes home and says, "Oh my god, the house is so messy!" I say, "I KNOW!!!!" and then nothing.

This approach communicates that I am in total agreement with him and that I am also incredulous at the mess and how it could have happened. The silence then caps it off by implying that I had nothing to do with the mess and make no promises of cleaning.

I am a born housewife.

Moments after the cleaning lady has left:

Other times:

* Near Komazawa University in Tokyo 08.04.

Today is my parents' 31st wedding anniversary!

There were a few divorces and loud fights along the way but they're back together and have been together for 31 years IN TOTAL...JUST KIDDING!!

They've been together non-stop for a full 31 years!

They like hanging out at high altitudes...

They like playing in rivers...

They just like being together...aaaawwwww!

Congratulations from your loving, grateful and respectful daughter!

* Yosemite 08.04

Ladies...stop looking.

He's been found:

In addition to being a fashionista, Mike Frumin is a great dancer and programmer - You can decide which is hotter.

All interested parties should send emails to me...I'm starting up my cupid business right now.

Here's a video from the Ultra Hanami after party the other night that's now memorialized thanks to Kenyatta Cheese! Hey, you're my friend! My friend who videotapes embarassing moments! Thanks for teaching me by example how all my friends feel...best way to teach! Go Teach!

And here's me and my cuz Harmony at a friend's friend's friend's birthday party...blending in as we mooched off a stranger's party.

There was one common ingredient that fueled both these nights.

While in Japan this summer Jonah and I took a night bus tour of Kyoto which lasted only a few hours and in typically overpriced Japanese fashion cost 8,000 yen ($80) per person. The final stop on the tour was the theater which was run by the "strict spotlight method". This consists of all centimeters of the stage populated by actors and props for the entire duration while the strong spotlight strictly guides the audience's eyes to one particular activity at a time as the rest of the stage is blanketed in darkness. What then happens to some of us is that we want to stare at everything that's in the dark and not spotlighted because it's the same part of the brain that wants to laugh maniacally in a library. Accompanying this method was an overly enunciated Japanese-American voice narrating too dramatically. Here we see the aaaaancient aaaart of flower arraaaaangement, Ikebaaaaaana. Oh but it was worth it.

Especially for the dance theater:

And the puppet theater:

We were riveted:

Oniichann: Kore wa jyoudann desu! Jitsuwa totemo tanoshikatta desu. Arigatou!

Take the highly scientific CATS quiz (Canine Algorithmic Transfer System) to determine what breed of dog you'd be if you were lucky enough to be a dog.

Click into this flash site and then click on "games" which appears on the upper left corner and test take away!

I'm a Piccolo Levriero Italiano (Italian Greyhound) and Jonah's a Sloughi (Slughi) so what are you?

Of course the descriptions are all postive so everyone can enjoy this fantastical game:

If you put up a heart-shaped mirror in the bedroom you share with your fiancee/boyfriend/Jonah, like so:

Be prepared for this sort of a response:

I'm proud to say, I've stood my ground though!

I've kept the mirror up on the wall!

...brown paper bag and all.

Wow, blog readers...we've really got a debate a ragin' on the United States of Canada and Jesusland post!

Here's more fuel for the fire:

Compare through the tears!

Here's a rant that's deservedly making the blogosphere rounds but probably won't help the cause unless the cause is secession.

Click for more:

If anyone knows the author of "Fuck the South" please give a holler...planning a dinner party.

This is a craig's list posting that has been taken down because all good things must come to an end:

No nonsense border patrol please:

* Thanks for the gem, Lars!

Since my post about going to FLA, I've been overloaded with emails asking me how I'm going to vote and the answer is...the easiest way I've voted in my life so far!

A big enveloped arrived in the mail in which I found instructions that I studied closely:

And caaaarefully...No one was going to pull a fast one on me.

Oh, I got it! However...Thomas Edison was chosen over Amelia Earhart and I'm more of a plane person than a lightbulb person but I can live with the example for instruction sake:

I was ready to put on my shades, suck on a popsicle and V-O-T-E!!

This picture proves that I voted for Kerry and for about 15 people I know close to nothing about...also, that I love ramen enough to make a ramen collage for my wall.

I had an envelope moistener right next to me but I preferred to lick, vomit, lick, vomit.

A kiss sealed the deal...

and then my ballot humped Jonah's all the way to the post office.

Nothing's sexier than exercising civic duty.

You know the deli scene in one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally??

That was post-voting.

Two weekends ago, the city mice went to the country!

While packing for the trip, Jonah asked me, "Will there be any animals there?" and I replied, "I highly doubt it."

This is what greeted us on arrival. Oops, oops, oops, oops.

And then this little 6 incher.

And this pig:

And this horse:

And this sheep:

And these miniature goats:

And these miniature donkeys:

And this crazy cat:

Bonzo supposedly acts depressed sometimes because he only gets 23 hours of constant love and affection per day. No one felt too sorry for him so it didn't seem like he'd get that additional vital hour but I pumped him up by teaching him that persistent moping and whining would eventually pay off.

He was amped by my teachings.

The Spaniels loved backseat driving.

And front seat driving.

Someone else also likes zipping around dangerously huh? Sandy??

It's the apple cider making siblings! They discovered that there was one crucial apple missing from the barrel.

Jonah has an apple shaped bicep.

Here's Neev zooming in on my teeth. See that? Teethtacular.

Here's good and evil.

One of the best things is discovering baby pictures of your friends. There she is, Lily the American Indian with a Monocle.

All good things must come to an end...an ending in which I got carsick for the first time and tried Lamaze breathing for the first time too.

Was city mouse missing the country?!

Ever since I was introduced to the first season of Strangers With Candy I have loved the hilariously irreverent, super smart series and especially the offensive, disgusting, adorable and lovable Jerri Blank character (brought to brilliant life by the one and only Amy Sedaris).

This Saturday in Billy's Bakery on 10th Ave & 21st I spotted the amazingly talented Amy Sedaris who has more funny bones than regular bones. I said to my friend, "Living in New York and seeing celebrities all the time makes me completely unfazed by them but there are three celebrities that can tongue tie me: Jon Stewart, Bjork and Amy Sedaris."

I walked up to her and asked if I could take a picture with her. She sweetly replied, "Oh, sure!" and then pointed at my engagement ring mischeviously and said, "If I can wear that!" Suddenly I became dorkier and more psychotic by the second and replied, "Really?! Of course you can!" while thinking, "OH MY GOD!! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!" Then I told her that I love Jerri Blank and she immediately went into character and said, "Oh good, then I'll play Jerri Blank!" Nearly brain damaged with delight, I leaned into her (exuberant nerd face exhibited above), she lifted her mug so the ring was a-sparkling, I took the picture in my characteristic way and when I looked at the viewfinder I saw that she was Jerri Blank. For a second, I was able to hang out with Jerri (and Jonah was momentarily engaged to Jerri). Now with this post, I am also able to immortalize my fervent dorkdom.

She was so nice and cute and as I buzzed out of Billy's, I think a cab ran over my foot but I'm not sure.

If there's nothing else you do today, rent or buy Strangers With Candy - Season One. The greatest part of this series in addition to all the exclamations I already made, is that the cast is comprised of very, very, very, funny people such as Stephen Colbert (now of The Daily Show), Paul Dinello, Greg Hollimon and other actors.
If you find yourself alone watching SWC, you should know that your friends are stupid and here's better companionship.

Some of her classiest lines are the following...For a real taste of the Blankster, click on the image below for audiofiles:

There's also going to be a movie!!

Check out some of her other projects:

Strangers With Candy - Season Two, Strangers With Candy - Season Three

Wigfield-The Can-Do Town That Just May Not, Wigfield - The CD

The Book of Liz

Several of the above were created in collaboration with her brother David Sedaris, the writer of sweet, stinging, sentimental, salacious, successful short stories. My fave of his: Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

What's my IM icon? Well it's funny you should ask...

The Sparkster has been rasterbated and now appropriately monopolizes our living room. Our apartment finally feels just right.

It all began with the sweetest gesture by JP who, sensing I had a bad day, took this picture of Sparky and used this radical service called The Rasterbator to transform the small photo into a large poster. Unbeknownst to me he laid out the many 8 x 10 pieces of paper so that when I opened the door, the biggest and best surprise/Sparky greeted me. Everyone needs a Jonah and a Sparky in their lives.

So then we embarked on this fun art project to finally get something up on our walls. 2 months before moving out of your apartment is a good time to start devoting time and energy to decorating.

Jonah laid out Sparky again to measure how big a sheet of plywood we needed to get. We also realized then that we would trim the white edges off the sheets of paper so that it wouldn't look like we were looking at Sparky through a window. We wanted her right there with us.

The blue cutie is our Doraemon robot I received as a gift this summer in Japan. He's really loyal to Jonah and won't leave his side (He's tethered to the wall while his batteries charge and I procrastinate reading the manual).

Rasterbated Sparky measured 54 x 39 inches so I went up the street to a lumberyard in a building (NY version) and got a 1/4 inch think sheet of plywood cut to size for $14.

Then I went to my favorite store The Art Store on Bond Street (stalkers-if I may be so presumptuous-I spend a lot of time there-see you around!) and bought sandpaper ($2), dark brown watercolor paint ($2) to darken the wood for tremendous effect, foam brushes ($1) and some Mod Podge ($8) to glue the sheets of paper to the wood and then to seal the final product.

Jonah bought hanging materials ($3), hung up the puppy and we high fived!

$30 and tons of fun later, we were done! That's my happiest face:

That's me petting Sparky's paw. This may not be the best thing for someone with delusional tendencies. Don't worry, I know that Sparky is not really here and that she lives in California...It just gets confusing when she barks and licks my cheek...

Here's The Rasterbator for your pleasure and if you want a 4 foot Sparky too, here you go!

I had the coolest underwater camera shell for my new Pentax Optio s4i...

but it still didn't prevent water droplets on the outerlens, obscuring my hard paddling expressions...

I was paddling hard because Jonah was afraid there was something biting his butt so I paddled like crazy while he hung on for dear life. For some reason when I look at this picture prunes flash before my eyes:

Here's Jonah in a more confident moment.

Oh, how I cheered, "You got it baby! You can do it! You're body surfing a huge wave!"

My lawyer forbids me to say what Jonah was doing to me to elicit my response:

The camera had endless modes which meant limitless fun.

Here's the polarizing filter that promises to capture fish in the water. What do you call schools and schools of fish you can't see?

The wide mode is a real help when trying to imagine life with a fat significant other:

And conversely, the skinny feature gives you a taste of life with an anorexic partner:

Poster mode was so successful we're awaiting word from Presidente Beers on the use of this image for an upcoming ad campaign:

The camera worked in chlorinated water:

As well as in salt water:

It wasn't the most inconspicuous camera though.

On a walk to the ATM guarded by guys with assualt rifles (no jokey) we ran into this little guy who kept saying something to me in Spanish and pointing to my camera. In my awkwardness I said "Oh, you want me to take a picture of you with this camera? Ok!"

We walked away and Jonah told me he had was saying, "You're rich and I'm poor." Great.

So naturally this interaction made us want to maximize our almighty dollar so since cigarettes cost only a dollar a pack we bought 100 cartons and now have a healthy online cigarette business.

We took many outings during the day to surf spots, to learn windsurfing, etc and we always found ourselves surrounded by Germans...interesting, exotic, unnerving:

On our way to Windsurfing 101 in a lagoon with only hints of wind ("Was that wind?! Oh, I guess it was just you breathing") we rode on the back of a truck with strong winds and yet there was a certain someone with a hat on:

Not for long...lesson was learned.

I love mangoes and she was the nicest fruit lady I ever met:

I love these trees with red flowers called Flamboyan, originally from Madagascar:

I also love surfing and that's why I don't mind looking like a dorkass to do it:

Jonah plans to wear these goggles on our wedding day:

Beautiful, reserved Mariposa:

Sleepy, cute Perro:

I just don't get Iguanas:

Individuo con el arbol que crece fuera de la cabeza. Thanks BabelFish Translations!

We found the best restaurant ever:

The best meal of my entire life:

Jonah gave it a try:

and agreed:

I looked like a drag queen with sunburned eyeballs.

Cautionary tale - Sunglasses are not just accessories. They are eyeball protectors. They shield your eyes from the scorching sun. You should wear them. It was too late for me but it may not be too late for you.

This is what Verizon looks like in the DR:

This is inappropriate advertizing for the movie WhaleRider:

National Geographic-watch out:

When I'm an old lady I hope to still wear aubergine heels (bunions become a real problem at that age)...

If I don't have long flowing hair, then I want this hair-do:

I also wish to be a lady relentlessly on the run even if it's to nowhere and always dashingly dressed in my favorite of colors, purple:

Teach them well and Let them lead the way

Never lose hope:

*San Gennaro Festival 09.04.

Before really settling into your pina colada...

You should check which way the wind's blowing...

And when posing with a pina, try not to let your hands look so spindly.

*taken by Jonah in the Dominican Republic, 08.04.

I didn't post yesterday because of a little known condition called 'Posting Paralysis.' It's the blogger equivalent to 'Writer's Block.' How do I thoughtfully, sensitively, comically post about the world's smallest woman on display in a box at the San Gennaro Fair in Little Italy?

A day later and after much head scratching, my commentary will still suck. Just know for the record that I don't condone this however I have fulfilled my duties as your investigative blogger.

The World's Smallest Woman sign is on the left. The woman on the right is in no way related to her.

This is Educational.

Are all cultural exhibits supposed to make us feel sad and uncomfortable? You may recall my friend Cameron who has found himself in poopier situations.

There's her master, husband, supervisor, soulmate, pimp, I have no idea...collecting $1 from adults and .50 cents from children for the educational, cultural exhibit.

Doesn't she look happy with her little amenities...chair, TV, picture frames, and a smiling Dan on her right?

Oh, there we go! Thumbs up! That's what I was thinking...Thumps Up! Way Up and Up and Up!!

On Sunday September 5th my good friend Hannah Cloud Sharpless got married to John Graff (my nickname for him = G-raff, like giraffe) in Cambridge, MA.

Here's the bride flanked by her parents and shocked at the betrayal. They told her she was getting dressed up to go to the theater:

Look at how cute this couple is.

They're about to eat dinner. We all hope that John opens his eyes one day.

Here's Hannah's mom sharing with the kids table, memories of her own wedding that involved drunkeness, acid trips, etc, etc. We were hooked.

Here's my friend Koh who's clearly become Jonah's friend too! You only make funny faces with best buddies. We hung out with him in Tokyo 3 weeks ago but we were all caught up in the moment and didn't mention the wedding. Next thing I knew, Jonah emerged from the men's room at this wedding and said, "I just ran into Koh at the urinals."

Wedding planners, take note: White sangria with freshly cut pears is delicious and should be a wedding necessity.

Koh's a respected sangria thief.

Awesome wedding cake:

Sweet:

Hannah dancing with her father-in-law...they got close, we were worried for a second.

A long, luscious veil and a hint of a tattoo: Hannah as a metaphor.

Here's one of Hannah's bridesmaids and my friend from college, Lindsey Shaw. Hannah and I like to Asianize her name into Rintsi Xia. It's better that way.

Here's my friend Yume (Koh's older sister) who I went to high school with in Tokyo and I was so happy to be reunited with this sassy lassie. Here's us looking like Japanese school girls with flash...

And here we are without flash...which is better? You decide. Jonah much prefers without flash. I'm leaning more towards with flash but I'm undecided.

Here we are having a good time but as Jonah points out, when I use the camera's night mode, it looks as if we could be anywhere...so true!

OR, do you like the night mode? I think it's my fave.

A big thanks to the cast and crew that made this wedding a heart warming, wicked* fun time!

* My friendly shout out to Boston, MA.

Even a chatterbox becomes speechless in the presence of such sweetness...

such cuteness...

* taken by Jonah on 8.29.04 in Newport Beach, CA.

I present to you, another AndreaHarner.com exclusive...KerryRocks.net!

Click on Kerry to see a kick ass video you'll want to pass along.

Kerry plays guitar, Bush was a cheerleader...You Decide!

* A stellar Cory Arcangel and Jonah Peretti collaboration.

It's sooo wierd!

I've only been wearing my engagement ring for a month but something peculiar has happened!

Click on my finger for the full story.

* via EYEBEAM's reBlog

This is not even that serious:

Neither is this:

* Photo studio window display in Tokyo.

When you're oily:

Use oil absorbing papers:

My personal fave = Kose's Sense Up:

Sensed Up!

*Of course I'm never oily - Oil was spritzed on my face for this demonstration. It's just my duty to test popular Japanese products for the oily faced AndreaHarner.com readers out there.

Ramen:

Shaved Ice Trucks:

Osenbei (Rice Crackers):

The cutest Dachsund:

Jonah as Ultra Man:

Tipsy with Jonah:

More to come...sorry for the sparse blogging!

Just stepped off a 14 hour flight and feeling very woozy...not sure if it's sleep deprivation & dehydration or...the fact that I am swooning over my recent engagement!!! To Jonah!! :-)

It happened last week in the Dominican Republic...and here's the awe-inspiring, beautiful, 1950s vintage ring that Jonah picked out on his own and of course it's just perfectly me.

And this has been AndreaHarner.com, blogging LIVE from the Narita Airport in Tokyo, Japan...stay tuned for adventures from the rest of the trip...in a day or two!

Someone's dog diarrhead on Elizabeth St. and they didn't clean it up...oh, most likely because there are so many cute shops in Nolita!! And so little time!! Thanks a lot, A-hole!

Oh poopy:

Enter Cameron, visiting from Cambridge, just for the evening...after much debate over whether to change out of his shoes and into flip flops, he made the wrong decision.

Oh poor Cameron and his poopy toes:

Here's the brave, sad guy, holding in vomit and tears...drowning in regret and self-loathing:

As a conscientious blogger, I offer you this palette cleanser for your eyes:

Update: For achievements Cameron is more proud of, check out this article in today's Boston Globe!

For my birthday (7/20), the wonderful JP (like JT but a little different and better) took me to a concert...

Can you guess where the Purple Dorks were headed?

In keeping with the dork spirit, we arrived 7 minutes after the supposed start time which is way early in New York time and concert time so we waited.

Fortunately for me there's nothing I like more than waiting for a 5'2'' midget in heels, wearing one hoop earring and ribbons in his hair:

While waiting, we discovered that many colors go well with purple, like 'champagne':

He finally emerged out of a helicopter and heaps of dry ice:

Here's the best Singer, Dancer, Musician, Songwriter, Performer of our time:

Here's another shot of the best Singer, Dancer, Musician, Songwriter, Performer of our time:

***
Half way through the concert this bonding exchange took place:

A: This is easily one of the top three experiences of my life.

J: Concert experiences?

A: No, LIFE experiences.

There's really no other way for me to describe how happy I was.
***

Prince is Hot:

Red Hot:

I felt so lucky to catch his one yawn of the evening. Look closer.

The paparazzi are hounding me for this shot:

I joke, but my non-ironic, extremely earnest and sincere feelings were that I was completely overwhelmed and awed by the wonder that is Prince. He embodies so much talent, it's no wonder he's a freak of nature. Also inspiring is that his art brings such a wide array of people, young and old, black, white and everything in between, gay, straight, dorks, thugs, music geeks together to just enjoy...

Important endnote: You'll notice that Prince's wardrobe, set design and props were very purple and red and you'll also notice that my dress was purple and my earrings and purse were red.

The Andrea + Prince connection is undeniable.

Thanks to the conspiratorial team of Chelsea and Della (victim's sister & mother) we can all enjoy boy pics of Jonah, scanned in Oakland, uploaded in NYC and brandished upon the world.

I've not been charming since this sudden onslaught of cuteness + hilarity. I've tried smothering Jonah with a pillow because it's his fault and I'm clawing people that come near me.

via Chelsea's blog

I appreciate misadvertisement as much as the next person.

There's a reason misadvertisement is successful and the answer lies in its ability to create for us frail creatures, a safe, false sense of security.

If you tell me a watermelon is seedless, I'll gleefully buy it, give a friendly peck on the cheek to the salesperson, lose myself in a curtsy, skip home, and sing song about just how seedless it's going to be. I'll glide around my kitchen twirling my empire waist dress to the enchanting tunes of Ella & Louis, erratically waving my shiny butcher's knife, in sweet, sweet anticipation of cutting into my watermelon without seeds...my personal pledge to perfection...

Until, I catch sight of a little fine print below the promise...

May contain an occassional seed

But I thought it was seed less??!!!

I hurl my knife across the room and as it spirals and spins and finally lands on my inspirational poster, I cry into my delusional self because now I have to accept that the watermelon probably isn't seedless at all and most likely contains an imperfection or two...just like life and people, never perfect, always flawed and consistently disappointing. I know I'm going to agonize over this "metaphor for life" watermelon, searching for its blemishes, as I do with people's personalities, expertly.

Sure enough, here was the bad seed. Butcher knife ripped out of the wall and back in hand, I raise it high into the heavens and bring it crashing down onto the little black disappointment. It smashes into 500 pieces and I weep for its short, unfortunate lot in life.

Anyone want to date me? My offerings are emotional stability and a clean bill of mental health.

Sure enough, you all voted for the most expensive pair of glasses, #6!

Judging from this highly scientific experiment, Jim Suroweicki's new book, The Wisdom of Crowds, which argues that crowds are smarter than individuals, may be onto something!

Great choice-thank you for your votes!

Perhaps next time, we'll ask for your help in finding glasses that eliminate red eye!

My dear momma, a property management shark who in the past taught popular Chinese cooking classes, was in town this weekend from Shanghai, via business in Washington DC. She made an emergency visit to me upon hearing that her daughter, a bona-fide half Chinese - half Caucasian girl was living without a ricecooker.

With rice cooker safely nestled in between the toaster and the blender, we successfully transferred age old cooking secrets from one generation to another:

*Photo taken by Jonah & apron provided as gift from Perry's 2003 trip to Italy.

And the winner of the Help Jonah See! competition was...

We couldn't be any happier with the choice!! Thanks again for your votes!!

Meet Freddy, Greta's new friend & ...and air guitarist!

His whiskers:

His paws:

I feel bad that my feet are cuter than his:

so I gave him my laptop and they're inseparable:

His favorite thing to do is lay on his back, cock his eye and read books online:

Jonah is blinded by confusion over which glasses to buy. Please help.

Cast your vote in the comments field by noting the number that corresponds to your preferred glasses and explain why.

Jonah assures you that he will unequivocably do what the majority wants.

If you vote for #9 that means he will get laser eye surgery.

The decision is in your hands. Thank you!

You might ask, what posessed us to participate in a self-proclaimed Hipster Dodgeball Tournament in Brooklyn with a bunch of cheating hipsters?

Great question...brain damage? Oh no, it was in the pursuit of community and FUN!

This is how we spent the majority of yesterday...the rest of the team jumping out of the way to let Jonah dodge all the balls...Go team!

Among the teams that represented including EYEBEAM were Cafe Habana restaurant, Lovely Day restaurant, PS 1 contemporary art museum, Late Show with Dave Letterman, Tokion magazine, Visionaire magazine, Joe's Pub and Volume club & art space, who organized the event and provided the venue.

Although we didn't win the championship (we did win some games), we had fun playing together and emotionally bonding so that means that in the end we were all still losers right? The trophy went to the good-looking, cheating waiters and waitresses of Cafe Habana-watch your wallets next time you're munching on their delicious corn.

Thanks to Perry for taking this spectacular action shot.

Due to the rather unfortunate glitch at andreaharner.com's hosting company, the comments on this post were deleted, never to be seen again.

There is your life before...

and there is your life after watching this video...

It all begins with a karate chop:

and ends with :

Yay! We found the right high school reunion!

Soon after I was offered a bottle of vodka. I made a killing selling shots to 14 - 17 year olds!

In response to, "pose as retardedly as possible, girls!" we didn't dissappoint:

Here's Katy and Tommy's finger pointing...somewhere:

Rumors abounded of a stretch Escalade but alas, reality is harsh stuff and instead we hung out in this super pimped out Winnebago, fully equipped with every prop in a hip hop video except the bitches...unless we were the bitches??!!

It was a small town's girl's dream come true:

Aaaw, sweet boys: Poor Peter in Pink, thought he was on a Caribbean cruise ship while Ian and Tommy got closer and closer through the night:

And here's sweet sweet me and my dear old friend Tosan looking like a happy multi-racial couple...

But the truth is, I was missing my Jonah that I am head over heels for...

As soon as I got back home, we did the one thing we know how to do together - Read books online:

Too much fun was had yesterday morning at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens.

For a little project I'm working on, I wanted to film the cherry blossom trees from underneath the branches with the lens pointed straight up into the blossoms. I also wanted it to be filmed very slowwwly and smoooothly....it was very very hard and although my muscles are super sore today, I can also now do 50 pull ups (the hard kind with knuckles pointed away from me) in rapid succession.

Here's my serious filmmaking in action - Notice, no smiles, no jokes!!

A big shout out is in order to Jonah, the best Assistant Director a girl could ask for...full of moral support and a great eye for location scouting and documenting...all photos taken by Jonah!

Here's a laugh riot in the form of an animated gif...Jonah's photos strung together into this masterpiece and looped for maximal enjoyment:

And here's evidence that I have mastered the highly technical, extremely difficile cross step (difficile means difficult in French, Mr. President):

Employees must kill whitey before returning to wok.

*taken by Jonah in the men's bathroom at Joe's Shanghai on Pell St.

While in LA, I gave birth to a precious baby!

On the left is Andrea (aka Flatback), my best friend and on the right is Ed (aka Fast Eddie), my bro and the baby's spiritual advisor.

Look how they spoil the baby by feeding it a fireball...

Touching the Void is a must see. Just be sure to bring a stress ball.

A quaalude would help too.

Roger Ebert sums up nicely the harrowing experience of watching this film.

The snowman took the words right out of my mouth!

*courtesy of my friend Nate

Say goodbye to a perfectly promising productive day...

The first of two new addictive additions to EYEBEAM R & D's fundrace.org project is the

which allows you to search by location (even down to specific buildings!) or by name to see who is contributing to which political candidates!

Always wanted to know what that shady neighbor's political leanings were? As long as they donated over $200, it is part of the public record and for your eyes to feast on!

Have a meeting in a building uptown? Enter the address and see what political climate you will be entering!

Tidbits: Charlize Theron gave $1000 to John Kerry, big entertainment moguls often give to nearly every Democratic candidate as well as to Bush, Madonna's contributions are accessible by typing Ritchie for last name and finally, Puffy's contribution info is revealed upon typing Combs...don't bother with the Puffy, P-Diddy, Puff-Daddy...

Note: Big, huge movie stars are often listed in the public record as being "self-employed." Life is hard for them too. Look. See.

And the second source of non-stop fun you can rationalize as just becoming more politically aware is:

And you can find this sort of juicy info listed at the bottom of each city map (in this case, it's NYC):

*Compliments of EYEBEAM's

It's my blog, so I can indulge pictures of my dog Sparky, who came into my life 15 years ago! and a cat named Greta whom I have gotten to know and love over the past 2.8 years, right?

Right!

Here's Smiling Sparky!

And here she resigns to my planting one on her...it's been done a few times over the past 15 years...too bad there isn't a "remove nose grease" option in photoshop!

Here's my favorite picture of Greta...I imagine she's saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before..."

And here's us having one of our moments...when Greta tells me all that's on her mind and I listen like a good friend...and top if off with a kiss...

What all this means, is that if you have a problem with your pet being kissed, keep him/her away from me because I will kiss your pet.

It's official!! It's for real!!

We now know who fuels the tremendously talented band, Air Kiss On Mars!!

They are...

Andrea Harner!

and Paul Ohan!

Paul asks you to put on your 3-D glasses...

and listen to the best song ever:

Tough day on the job and still stopped to help poor lost New Jersey souls...what a guy with a heart full of gold and drawers full of....oh, well, nevermind!!

*on Bowery @ Great Jones.

Greta noticed an interesting looking box the other day...

Perhaps it housed great treasures, she thought...

There was only one way to find out so she ventured in...

Got a feel for things...

and prepared for a cat nap...

when it all came crashing down...

And she now spends her free time turning her back on boxes...

Perhaps you can imagine our surprise when we saw them spooning last night and then to awake to this sight!!!

It just goes to show, I suppose, the unpredictable and often deviant nature of toothbrushes.

Look at that impressive face sucking!!

This game RULZ. See if you can figure it out!

They give you only two clues but since it took me longer to figure it out than I am proud to say, I will give you a third clue that doesn't compromise the integrity of this game: This can be played with five actual dice with the dice landing in no particular order so you don't need to be stumped by the linear placement of the dice on the screen.

Also, there's a story on the site about Bill Gates' brush with the game which is pretty interesting.

Remember: Once you figure it out you can't divulge the secret! You must simply take comfort in knowing that you are part of a club as exclusive as the Skull & Bones Society. It's just you, me, Bill Gates and everyone else...yeah, baby.

An amazing discovery...we awoke to this beautiful array of contraband items arranged on our kitchen counter!!

From left to right we have the Cuban cigar banned for geo-political reasons, the illegally mixed then shared Grey album, combining Jay-Z's Black Album and the Beatles' White album, which has recently ticked off the music industry's copyright department and finally the stinky green goods that have been a target of the war on drugs for a mighty long time.

We didn't possibly know what to do with these three things so we wrapped them up as quickly as we could to ship em out of the house in the form of a gift.

So people, what'll the shipping address be?

As I walked north on Bowery, I saw a familiar face out of the corner of my eye and there was ole Hitch, looking handsome as ever...gracing our fine NY streets...

Reminding me of one of my favorite movies...of course New York, the city I adore, is a prominent character....and of course the gorgeous Grace Kelly.

Thanks to EYEBEAM reBlog, a new cool site by Eyebeam's R & D dept, we get web treasures like these in record time.

For those like me, who wasted perfectly fine, promise filled days playing the first Super Mario Bros for hours and days on end, tirelessly fighting to rescue the beautiful princess, you will love this.

The music is beautiful, the talent is abundantly clear and best of all, the kid's attitude is priceless.

Here are photos from yesterday's Westminster Dog Show at Madison Square Garden!!

Here's me and Jonah!

Here's a Pointer fan!

Irish setters were popular in the ring and in embroidery:

Note her doggy bone necklace & the poodle feet in the distance:

I got a few of these and wrapped 'em up for Christmas 04!

I tried to snake this purse by tugging and tugging but it just wouldn't budge!

The doggy scarf for fancy folks:

Dog show folks have their bling blings too!!

Who says dog shows are slow? They are fast!

Especially those handlers! I barely saw any dogs!

Rumor had it, this Irish Setter refuses to be groomed without his purple scrunchies:

Sheltie practices striking a pose:

Sheltie reflects before the big moment:

This little guy did this for so long he couldn't get up and had to be picked up!!
J/K.

Here's the recipient of the andreaharner.com cutest dog at the dog show award:

Don't you think its a bit inappropriate to wear a great dane coat to THE dog show?

Uuum, excuse me lady...that's a WOLF, not a DOG. Get out of here before you get thrown out!

It's a tiring two days, folks.

Articles on the delightful dog show that graced our fine city:

It's slightly wierd that Yamada, the Best in Show judge explains that while he was sequestered before the judging, he shopped and did blah blah blah "and my wife, daughter and daughter-in-law bought fur coats." Uuum, ok.

Judge of Best in Dog Show Secluded Until Big Moment

Handler on Newfie: "He showed his heart out."

Slobbering Newfoundland Named Top Dog

I was reading in Sunday's NYTimes this nice article about a couple leaving their digital camera in a NYC taxi cab only to have it returned by a kind New Yorker when I was reminded of my own similar tale of good fortune in New York City!

A few hours later I walked by this situation and thought perhaps this purse would also have a happy ending, in its owner's arms, but was just taking a detour, hanging out on a car window?

My story went like this:

It was about four years ago. I was visiting friends in NYC while living in Tokyo. At the end of a long, fun, blurry night I must have dropped my Frada (Fake Prada) purse. The next morning, I was busy kicking my own ass for being such an idiot and feeling just a wee bit under the weather. Naturally I didn't think I would ever see the purse nor its contents ever again. A few minutes later the phone rang at my friend's house and it was my dad calling from Shanghai to ask, "Andrea~have you lost your purse~?" I momentarily thought, "Does daddy know everything I do? Is daddy god?" After mustering up a confused, "yeah~" I discovered that a nice man named Raymond had my purse and wanted to return it to me. It turns out he had picked up the purse on his way home to his apt he shares with his partner. The following morning, his partner woke up alarmed to find a purse in their bedroom so stood over the hungover Raymond while gripping the purse and gingerly asked if there was anything Raymond needed to tell him. There certainly wasn't, except his confusion at why he chose to pick up (what he thought was) a fabulous Prada purse while stumbling home drunk. Nevertheless, after using up all my makeup (J/K!) they began to search for the purse's rightful owner. They found my Merril Lynch Japan - Marketing Associate business card and my California drivers license so using my California address they found the corresponding phone number which landed a conversation with my grandmother, lone rancher atop a mountain near Yosemite. I can only imagine the conversation went something like this:

Raymond: Hi, do you know an Andrea Harner?

Grandma (in a super high-pitched voice-she was runner up for Minnie Mouse's voice-no joke): Why, I certainly do! She's my granddaughter!

Raymond: Well, I have her purse and I'd like to give it back to her.

Grandma: She's in Japan!

Raymond: I think she's in New York...

Grandma: I didn't know she was in New York! Why do you have her purse?

Raymond: It was laying in the gutter in the East Village.

Grandma: Oh dear.

The rest of the story is that my dad gave me Raymon'd info which was given to him by my grandma and then I met Raymond at the bar One & One on First St. & First Ave. where I bought him a bottle of wine and we toasted to friendly New Yorkers!

So it's true people, you can get drunk and drop your purse whereever you'd like and you are certain to get it back...no worries!! Try it sometime!

If there's one thing you do while in LA, make sure to catch the band Metal Shop on Monday nights in the Viper Room for a silly good time!

Here's one other person who wrote about how absolutely worth it it is to see Metal Shop while in LA-so I must be right! ha!

Here they are in the middle of a heart wrenching rendition of Bon Jovi's "Shot Through The Heart!"

Note the audience member with the "spider web on elbow" tattoo-HOT.

Oops! Too much of the wrong heads...

There we go...for the money shot:

This is what happens to your face after Metal Shop but it's totally worth it...

And that's the Viper Room after some peyote sprinkled drinks!-J/K! J/K!

Big shout out to my special friend Nicole-blonde in above photo-for the rockin' good time!

I am so happy to be back in the city I adore...

and delighted to see that the crosswalk guy has finally been clothed!

I believe he's wearing JAMS...remember from the 80s???

AWESOME.

After quite a nice trip visiting family in CA and a hectic but fun move into our new awesome apt, I am back in blog action.

A major highlight from my trip was being with my little peanut, Sparky.

This little sparkplug likes being clean but prefers other activities to bathing:

Note her specialty "lazy hang over the tub" and the shampoo drizzle down her forehead:

And here she planned her Great Escape:

Mission accomplished and !oh! there's the inevitable shake!

And the sparkling clean face!

And finally, enjoying her Freedom Run!

After a day of bathing, playing and posing, Sparky is a tired little lady:

~Going, going, back, back to Cali, Cali~ tomorrow and will be blogging only every so often...
In the meantime, here's a little taste of the the good parts of the holidays...holiday parties!...
Photos from John Johnson's holiday party last week.

Here are the floating heads of me and EYEBEAM founder & fearless leader John Johnson.

Somtimes I just feel like John doesn't lend me his whole ear...only his chin and beard:

Here's Jonah, me and Mike Frumin, EYEBEAM's newest addition, R & D fellow & programmer extraordinaire of FundRace and GoogleRace PRE-ALCOHOL.

Oh wait, NEVERMIND:

Mike's ~Livin' It Up~ like the Bad Boy that he is:

He can also do a real quick turn of the neck if needed-versatile in his talents, I tell you...

But don't get too excited, you cute boys out there...you'll surely be disappointed by this ladies man:

My three homies.

Their dorkiness makes me laugh till I puke.

Alex Galloway and his pointing.

He's a smarty pants professor so we indulge this hideous abuse of power:

Three of the three thousand men in my life:

John, boss & friend,

Jonah who makes my heart flutter time and time again...even when he looks like he just snorted Colombia...and

Benjamin Weil, curator of andreaharner.com, I mean, EYEBEAM curator-oops!

There's Benjie, engaging my boyfriend in some artsy fartsy conversation...

And look! there's me, 3rd wheel!

And coming in from the opposite corner, is the truly talented and inspiring artist Jem Cohen looking like an artist posing...but looking good nonetheless!

Note the "Library" wallpaper in the "Library" of The SoHo House:

Self-indulgent photo of the fabulous, if I may blog so myself, shoes I managed to still have on loan from Lily!

Way to go, shoe-stealing andreaharner.com!

WOW! There's a humngous lightbulb above Jonah's head!

Even amidst debauchery and celebration, the mind works!

But believe it or not, Jonah gets annoyed when I take over 150 photos of him at one party:

Here's our Delightful Development Director Steve Tremble and his lovely girlfriend Tamar who has a little "camera flash problem."

I don't have the aforementioned problem but I do have a different problem...

After my second alcoholic drink, I can't open my eyes for the rest of the evening:

So it was time to go...

Happy Holidays everyone-love your guts!!

My dear dear friend Celeste just sent me this photo saying

"thought you'd appreciate this lovely kitty"

and boy, was she right!!

In anticipation of our move into a dope new apt at the end of this month (yay!!), Jonah and I were cleaning out his studio apt yesterday when I noticed a little object on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet that looked a little funny and out of place:

I leaned in closer and rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things and sure enough it was a crack pipe:

Just your run of the mill, average crack pipe-no frills, just functional and utilitarian.

I'm imagining that from time to time the previous tenant smoked the rock.

What I can't imagine, is that for a whole year, he/she has gone sans pipe!

So let me ask, "did you leave your crack pipe in our home?"

In case a different scenery is needed to jog your memory, here is the same pipe in a classier setting...

Pipe on a laquered wood dresser...do the memories come rushing back?

Or perhaps, a more down to earth setting?...Pipe on a picnic table cloth...

And in its opened form with residual junk, does it help to identify this pipe as yours?

If you're still not able to ascertain whether it's the one you lost and perhaps need to grip it in your palms to be sure, feel free to give us a shout but be warned we won't have it for long as we don't want to get thrown in jail for someone else's kicks...not that we're judging!!

No judgements here! It's just that we prefer tequila:

This Gay Boyfriend Anthem Video was graciously sent to me by a reader in response to my previous Gay Boyfriend post.

It is a treasure.