Kindly submitted by a punctuation teacher:

Now we can:

"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes." -Maggie Kuhn

Let dogs make love to them:

* On aforementioned trip to the country! Well, Boston.

While white girl rapping "Mo Money, Mo Problems". It's not embarassing at all:

* Taken during last weekend's trip to the country! Well, Boston.

I've birthed again - the whole birthing process for me is like a stroll through the park with just the right ratio of sun to shade:

The Pro-Suffocation Lobby says this is ok:

What's wrong??!!

WHY DO YOU HATE ME ALREADY??

I suppose he'd rather be with his original family:

Hannah and John, Tex is very very cute but watch out for what really comes out of me!!

It's true!

And the Reader's Digest Courtesy Study said so:

"Beneath that gruff exterior, New Yorkers really are a polite bunch: 90 percent held the door open, 19 out of 20 store clerks said 'thank you' and 63 percent of men and 47 percent of women helped with the papers. In total, four out of every five people encountered by Reader's Digest passed the courtesy test -- making New York the most courteous city on the list," the survey stated.

via Jason.

First things first - TWINS!

Pre-walk Maggie is all arms spread out, all attitude:

Then she's all action!

Look at that spring in her hind legs! Mine isn't so bad either:

Jonah brought Maggie water. Maggie downward dogs to Jonah in thanks:

Every dog has a tongue but none so cute:

She's taking a break. She needs a break! (if you knew that was from Dirty Dancing, you rule):

At the dog park she flipped her ear over for the drama of it:

Maggie and Jonah are the best:

They have moments. Maggie, Jonah and Sidekick:

Her head folds are first-rate:

Maggie wants to go home:

Maggie is restored to Queen Maggie after her walk:

I'm certain Maggie's favorite part of the walk was getting fondled by me:

Nearly molested:

Except it's not molestation if you're both in love right? And come on, you can tell by our body language that we are madly in love:

Lily, if you can't find your dog when you get back, don't worry!! I'll give her back when I feel like it.

Yes, I feel your enthusiasm for this post! Rest assured, a lengthy series of 'Today's Spam Higlights' posts to follow!

Jonah says that he never knew how much fun it was to be awakened at 5 am by Andrea the Meteorologist whose commentary is limited to, "it's so wierd isn't it? it's so wierd! I mean look, it's so wierd!"

I know that 100 Amy Sedaris interviews is your limit, you patient readers, and we're nowhere near there so enjoy another one, on me!

Thanks Jason!

Yesterday we took a trip to Long Island. Not because that's the ultimate destination but because Lily told us of an allergist (he accepts insurance!) there who provides an alternative to allergy shots in the form of a nasal spray. We were curious city mice headed for Long Island country!

The total of twenty pricks into the arms and the enormous reaction to the grass, trees, cats and dogs wasn't precise enough to figure out Jonah's specific allergies so...

we moved on to the harder stuff...little did the poor guy know what was in store...

Note: brave Jonah casually reads Duncan's manuscript of his new book (watch out Amazon rankings!) while getting injected...

At first it didn't look so bad:

But then he started reacting:

So a second round was necessary:

And oh dear, the second round of shots was also reacting so a third round in the other arm was needed:

Tough guy:

Poor JP:

After getting measured for the third arm he finally wasn't reactive anymore so the nasal spray could be custom mixed for this allergic guy!

This morning - and he's still swollen:

All for this:

And because it's preservative free it needs to travel with ice packs - like a fresh kidney:

Will it work??!!

In the meantime while Jonah snorts the nasal spray every night and we book extra seats on flights when we travel for the cooler with the nasal spray on ice, we've filled our apt with carpets filled with mold, bedding ripe with mites and a farms worth of animals...we'll see!

* from this weekend with Celeste & Mary in Boston!! More pics to come.

WERE ALL UP IN MY DREAMS LAST NIGHT.

You're right.

A fun New Yorker piece by David Sedaris.

NEVER.

Andrea Harner, Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello and Amy Sedaris, old friends.

From the beginning...

We were on our way out, in our glamorous hallway when I took a similar shot with the little digital camera I was bringing to capture the evening. Upon taking the pic I noticed the low-battery sign (it was in the charging cradle but wasn't properly latched in - damn!!!) So I calmy ran back into my apt, very collectedly tore through my chest of cameras from over a decade ago and found my little, trusty, real film point and shoot camera that ended up saving this night. (I've long ago resigned myself to the fact that I believe that if it wasn't documented it never happened.) Judging from my uncharacteristic patience while waiting for these important photos to be developed, I'd say I would have been a much more patient person had digital cameras never been invented.

Confession: As a serious fan of the TV show I was nervous that the movie wouldn't do it justice.

Paul Dinello said he would thank all the people that were integral to getting the movie made except that would take away from him so...and then Amy dedicated the movie to, "ugly people".

I am happy and relieved to report that it's a good, funny movie definitely worth going to!! My two complaints are: 1) the Sarah Jessica Parker role is utterly and painfully unnecessary and 2) I don't think the reasons why Jerri Blank is 46 years old and going back to high school after 32 years of being a "user, a boozer and a loser" need to be explained. I was never concerned about that while watching the TV show but I suppose for the mainstream movie-going public they felt that some explanation was necessary. Oh! And why her Dad is in a coma. These things just seemed perfectly normal to me! Other than that aspect which felt contrived, it was truly funny, raunchy and inappropriate - bring the whole extended family!

As soon as I spotted the trio at the afterparty at Dylan's Candy Bar I headed off to do my photoblogging duties and Jonah's too smart to be anywhere near me when I'm in that spastic mode so there he is! Over there!

I can no longer deny it - I am paparazzi:

I'm even better than traditional paparazzi because I get them in there too - so meta!!

It's true - Buddhist paparazzi exist:

Cute moment between geniuses:

Enter her butt for more fun movie stuff and go see Strangers with Candy opening June 28th!

Thanks to Think Film for buying this flick and finally distributing it! It felt like a lifetime of using and boozing, waiting for it!

Oh. Summer solstice.

Paste a 20" x 22" sign on the back of your front door saying,

DID
YOU
REMEMBER
TO
PUT
DEODORANT
ON?

* date unknown

Sally and I are finally ready to work with an editor to cut our Southern Documentary. If you are A through C, send me an email and we'll discuss more details!

A: An editor who loves working with creative, smart, fun chicks
B: Have at least an ounce of activist spirit in ya
C: Appreciates the rampant irony in life

No, I won't stalk her. I'm going to follow her around and repeatedly recite one of these great Strangers With Candy lines though:

A: "How's it going, Susie? Nice camel toe."

B: "Hmmm, that's funny. Why does your finger smell like his ass?"

C: "Greeks are just Jews without money."

Help me choose which!! Rock the vote.

My wallet pic - it's a great reminder not to overpluck my eyebrows - and you shouldn't either!!:

WOAH. I love it. Here it is:

***

From: Laurelle Miciak
To: Dov Charney; Iris Alonzo; Dan Abenhaim; Tasha Dunn; Joana devCastro; Mariekim Pelchat; Osama Afify; CDN Store; AA Store Ottawa; AA Store Church; AA Store Bloor; AA Store Church; AA Store College; Store Managers; AA Montreal; AA Store Ottawa; AAEurope; KI1 Store; Emily Green; Lee Poulin; Shannon Nadj; Emmy Ha; Ellie Vitello; Geoff Stevens; Sarah Macdonald; Danielle Raquiza; Abigail Lawson; Sara Cadeau; Nick McIsaac; VA1 Store; Marty Bailey; Christina Klisanin; Stacey Haberkorn; Patricia Pawlukiewicz; [ed: email addresses redacted]
Sent: Sat 3/26/2005 11:47 PM

Letter of Resignation
March 2005

I will start by saying that I am personally moved to write this; that nobody has encouraged me to condense my feelings into this letter. No, it was only me and many of the things that have been eating away at me for a while now, things that have gained tremendous momentum. This is why I am leaving your company today. This is it.

I began working at the first American Apparel store in Canada in November 2003, one of the original locations in North America. A flagship store. I have seen the company grow and shift from phase to phase: from the time it was awkwardly moving from the wholesale market into the world of retail with its ethics strongly in check, to a time when I began to learn of its major flaws. A time when its discrepancies regarding its treatment of employees has paralleled the disorganization of its stock and product situation-which is as random as the company's absent (but much needed) human resources department. Without knowing or caring much about how operations run on the other side of the border (Borders? Plural?), things are beginning to crumble here in Canada, where it all began. Where your seeds were planted.

I am extremely saddened and affected by the recent departures of certain key members of the Montreal team over the past months. Drastic changes in all facets of management are not "progressive" or "youth driven" or cutting edge: they are a cause for concern and stress for all employees who have to deal with it. Working under a non-system which is missing structure is not only unproductive and inefficient-its fucking anarchy. Not to say that there isn't a pecking order, though: there are plenty of girls in this company who are being compensated for whatever it is that they do well, whenever it is that they do it, I guess. Yes indeed! Not all of us are created equally at American Apparel, but God forbid we stray from the universal dream-the "new paradigm" that we are all a part of. The amount of people who have been promoted then demoted/fired/forced to quit because they were prematurely moved up or wrongfully chosen is simply astonishing. Perhaps this is part of AA's 'Socialist-Capitalist' fusion. Because Socialism suits the company just fine, until a personnel issue arises, which is when it reverts to the 'you win some you lose some, you know?' mentality. Whatever. AA is all about the grey areas.

I was recently told that perhaps in 2-3 years, when the company has "stabilized", that I could probably be compensated for my time properly. That maybe, by that time, working between 60-80 hours a week would mean making more money than just enough to cover my rent and the bills that I have to pay. In short, I was told that I was lucky to have what I do with American Apparel right now. That running a store (small warehouses, really), managing and disciplining an entire staff, and everything in between is essentially a priviledge granted, not a position that has been earned. How's that for motivation? Trial periods vary between 2 weeks to 6 months, based loosely upon how much time they want you to spend "proving yourself" before they have to pay you at a higher rate.

The amount of dedication that this company expects from anybody in a management position is hugely disproportionate to the amount of money that they are forced to accept.

And then there are store openings! How exciting! The sheer fact that I have not been properly compensated (after asking and trying to fairly negotiate several times) financially, for my involvement during these openings is absurd. Not being appreciated after leaving my life behind for weeks at a time, as well as my other job (at which I made more money) to find, hire, assemble, teach (indoctrinate), purge, fire, promote, negotiate and guide an entire staff, an entirely new team and new page in the company book, is not only despicable- its completely stupid. Don't you think that it would be wise to keep senior employees happy? Don't you think that it would be fruitful to keep a good rapport with those people? After all, one of us is worth a lot more than our hourly wage. There are hundreds of little things that make us valuable, believe it or not. Countless experiences that help stores run more efficiently and successfully- ways to help you make more money. Because that's what its all about right? The profits!

Continue reading "American Apparel Resignation Letter" »

Nick threw a party for the Other Michael Jackson which was fun and a lot less raunchy than an Original MJ party would have been.

Me and my twin Arianna - identical except for the numerous published books, the formidable social network, the inspiring career, etc:

Jonah's women - don't make him choose:

Me and the respectable looking Ben - you'd never suspect he runs Thrillist:

Thank god for these guys (the drinks)!

TEQUILA!! Doug!! Jonah!! TEQUIIIIIILAAAAA!!!

Too much tequila...off we were to Lure Fishbar. Shrimps for Andrea, Martinis for Rachel:

Hey, how about we drink more, Ricky??!!

We're only getting FUNNIER!!

Shrimpy Mary!

And the oyster shot side dish that came with it!!

I hope he doesn't turn towards me when he vomits...

Nick sticks to tequila and Jonah has oyster shot eyes:

You (Jonah) can never have too much oyster:

TORO!!!

Soft shell crabs - everything you wanted to know about them:

The ladies were sexy and sweaty (from left to right) at the end of the night:

I felt about 50% reduced the following day.

An online auction for a lunch date with Beyonce?? Who wouldn't throw down for that??!! PETA would! Little did Beyonce know who her lunch date would be...

WATCH THE VIDEO.

Have you been on this earth long enough (5 minutes) to be able to read this body language??

An expected but still dissappointing reaction (or lack thereof) from Beyonce.

Nice going PETA!

This was radical:

If you think you might enjoy this, you'll surely enjoy it. I feel exactly the way Jay-Z intended his viewers to feel - respect, awe and appreciation for him and his career.

In solidarity with Jay-Z and all who live the hip hop lifestyle I have joined the Cristal Boycott and am only stocking my sub-zero fridge with Dom P. & Krug.

Dear God, Please put an end to this Cristal boycott AESOP. I am THIRSTY!!

Wordplay was every bit as good as I imagined. A very fun movie to watch. Especially since we saw it opening night and Will Shortz was there along with the Director to answer hyper nerdy questions from self-described "beginner solvers" and "constructors".

Highlights include Will Shortz reading letters from fans and foes, a legend constructor constructing a puzzle that then Jon Stewart, Bill Clinton among others solve and the former ombudsman of the New York Times displaying his OCD.

Update: Here are the ads.

JWT Puts a 'Roadblock' on Huffington Post by Julie Bosman.

Thanks to Zee who is living in Japan for the year we have radical photos of Japan!

I can't wait to become an older lady who wears sparkly purple shoes:

Are the Japanese KFC chickens like the American ones that don't have beaks or asses?

CUTE. CUTE. CUTE!

Shibuya - where my parents just bought an apt - right inside the brightly lit store in between home electronics and home appliances:

Post photo Zee cut down these branches for an unobstructed view:

A gaijin trolls for Japanese chicks:

I'm starving:

Another reason to look forward to growing old:

Mommy, I'm scared:

Rain accommodation packaging. It's like the store loves their customers but hates the earth:

There are times when I wish I weren't already married and now's one!!

There's a special language for users of this underground walkway. It's hyper efficient, terse and robotic:

Bam!! Boo!!!

Zee's boyfriend Andy - he's constantly freeze framed like this:

Real ninja stars!!!

Zee's big eyeballs:

Zee's dainty feet:

Just like American public restrooms:

For more Zee photos click here and here.

I cannot wait to see this movie:

Watch the trailer:

I look forward to the wordnerd convention at the opening tomorrow night!

Ladies, you need a pair of heels like this. They will make you feel so damn sexy you might just stay home and have your way with yourself...and let me tell you, that's probably a better option than going out and walking if you have a bunion to contend with.

* On my way to the Webbys afterparty which I foolishly thought maybe, just maybe, Prince would do what he never would do, which is to attend a big, loud and crowded afterparty instead of showing up at the luckiest little bar/club of the night to play an impromptu set...probably acoustical and certainly radically awesome. Sweet.

I was purple with envy that Jonah and the rest of the Huffington Post got to go to the Webby's since they won 'Best Political Blog' (CONGRATULATIONS, you guys deserve it!) and they saw Prince perform...

But I was also grateful as a purple grape that Jonah took pics for me:

The Webbys famously ask their award recipients to limit their acceptance speeches to five words so consequently some clever five words have been strung together!

Some highlights from this year:

Arianna Huffington: Darlings, make blogs not war

Bill Simmons on behalf of Mark Cuban: Mark Cuban is not here

Prince: Everything you think is true

NPG Music Club: Prince says...eliminate the middleman

Thomas Friedman: The world really is flat

For more five word acceptance speeches and more about the Webby Awards click here.

This weekend I gave birth to one cute little baby named Cyrus Klinenberg.

Jonah was a little shocked:

But got over it and look at how happy we were...

For having kidnapped our friends' newborn - it was a real laughing matter:

Jonah and Cyrus worked out some issue:

While I giggled - that's what mom's do, they just sit around all day giggling with their newborn - don't let them tell you otherwise!

There are some things that only his rightful mother can do and they involve breasts so I had to give him back:

And they were relieved:

Congratulations again to Caitlin Zaloon and Eric Klinenberg!!

It's a tone that middle aged and older people supposedly can't hear so youngsters are using it as their ringtones in class!

Warning: If you can hear this, it's highly irritating.

Via Huffington Post.

See the first ever earth sandwich mission!

We have Ze and his followers to thank for this radness.

ME!!!

WITH MY HUBBY OF COURSE AND MY CAMERA SO STAY SHARPLY TUNED.

Another great read I enjoyed in one sitting:

"In Class Matters, a team of New York Times reporters explores the ways in which class—defined as a combination of income, education, wealth, and occupation—influences destiny in a society that likes to think of itself as a land of opportunity. We meet individuals in Kentucky and Chicago who have used education to lift themselves out of poverty and others in Virginia and Washington whose lack of education holds them back. We meet an upper-middle-class family in Georgia who moves to a different town every few years, and the newly rich in Nantucket whose mega-mansions have driven out the longstanding residents. And we see how class disparities manifest themselves at the doctor’s office and at the marriage altar."

Imagining what it must be like for her, especially with kid in tow, I commend her for it.

"Unputdownable...Imagine a sleek, twenty-first century In Cold Blood" - Michael Dirda, The Washington Post Book World

I started and finished this book last night and highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys well-written crime novels.

Well-known French writer Emmanuel Carrere explores the psychology and events in the life of the seemingly happy and successful Jean-Claude Romand that lead him to kill his wife, children and parents. Carrerre's depiction of the nice little city the Romands lived in just outside of Geneva and the questioning of his own interests as a writer enhance this fascinating read.

Watch him say this:

What he failed to mention is something that has been a big part of his family history - incest.

A: totally awesome hook-up two Thanksgivings ago. Inhofe was drunk in bathroom, peeking through slit in door, waiting until Granddaughter walked by and then he stuck out his creepy hand, grabbed her and pulled her in. She's now 9 years old and drinks before noon.

B: Cousin Boy and Cousin Girl are madly in love with each other but don't want to taint the family's recorded history so instead have romantic plans to marry other people but to always live next door to each other for the rest of their incestuous lives. In this secretive, tense environment they fight a lot but always have makeup sex.

C: These guys really brokeback it. They were always close brothers and now that their wives are friendly and take karate lessons together, they've been able to spend qt together at pottery class. P.S. That phallic ashtray Brother B received from Bother A was indeed pottery art from the heart even though Brother B, in a crystal meth freak out, threw it in his son's face and it shattered. Now his son wants to do meth and bang his brother like Daddy.

Favorite comments from Huffington Post:

"Saw the show last night and Jon was BRILLIANT! He is knowledgable, and able to keep pressing his point/question without losing respect for his guest. Would LOVE to see him take on Coulter, and watch her melt down into a puddle of piss..." - braindeadsorry, 06.07.2006

"Wow. Somewhere Dan Savage is hugging his husband." - HopelessHeartsDept, 06.07.2006

Divorce Is Not Caused Because 50% Of Marriages End In Gayness..."Actually I belive that figure is correct... For republicans." - TrollzReviL, 06.07.2006

This x-ray was taken at the foot doctor yesterday and ever since I've become obsessed with foot x-rays. Now when I see bare feet, time stands still as I jump the person, hold them down and stare at their feet while imagining what the x-ray would look like.

Mine look GOOD!!

Now if you wear corrective shoes and you got big bunyons,
Toenails smell and look like onions,
Don't doowutchyalike--
Go see a foot doctor tonight!

Thanks, Digital Underground!

The Agitator by Margaret Talbot &

This is where a link to the Nora Ephron article on her love affair with the Apthorp should have appeared had the New Yorker made the article available online...this is also where the Op-Ed response in the New York Times called Delusions of the Rich and Rent Controlled would have appeared had I paid for a New York Times online subscription.

Welcome to Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Tuesday!! Disappointments and dashed hopes for all!!

My mom prefers the classy cute kind:

My one good-looking foot feels alive in sexy socks:

We brought City Kitty Greta to the country!!

Let me out~~~~

We reached Jersey Sky so we let her out:

She was pissed about the cage...until...

She discovered that she was going on her first ever leash walk!!

And she was psyched. Total walk time: under two minutes.

While on the walk, I took a poop, Chinese kid style.

Meet Baxter, the perpetually out of focus dog of the farm!

Emily & Baxter, Best Friends Forever although Baxter will forever be in Emily's shadow...literally.

Oh! 3 o'clock! Time to kiss Baxtie!

When you molest the dog enough he'll get you back by licking your face:

Onto a badminton lesson!

Unattractive Badminton:

Bad Form Badminton:

Fierce & Sexy Badminton:

'Actually Can Play Badminton' Badminton:

Colorful Clothes Badminton:

Intimidation Badminton - bad sportsmanship:

That was as far as he was willing to move for the shuttlecock. Let's all say shuttlecock!!

Time for a hike, rather a nature walk!

This gives you a general idea of what nature looks like:

There are flowers in the country!

And they are always in twos!

Except for this exception:

Aaaawwww:

Trees plus flowers!

Only time sneakers look good:

In nature, next to flowers:

Tree condom:

Tree vericose veins. Trees are really just like you and me.

Apparently in nature, Jonah and I look tired:

Onto the pool!

Jonah far away:

Jonah close:

Jonah at medium distance away - wasn't that fun?!

Sheep shenanigans in the shade:

When the sheep arrived we all secretly envisioned ourselves as Sheep Whisperers:

The biggest dork that ever lived. The sheep, that is:

Cutest sheep close-up and close-up of sheep drool on window:

Best impression by sheep of the cute dog head tilt:

Best postured sheep:

Sheep butt! Ha ha, made you look.

More butts!! I'm deeply in touch with my inner child.

Sheep Glamour Shot:

Susan plants one...on what looks like her reflection:

Jonah holds (sheep) court:

Jonah negotiating:

The most well-behaved sheep of the lot:

The drowning of Susan minus 3 seconds:

The saving of John by CPR minus 3 seconds:

Proof of recycling behavior - yay!

Cutest photo of the weekend - Susan, John & Baxter:

Thanks to Susan Short & John Johnson and Joyce and Seward for a sheep-tastic time!

Lawmakers set new ages for marriage.

"The state with the lowest marriage age is New Hampshire, which allows 13-year-old girls and 14-year-old boys to marry..."

Boy am I glad I didn't live in New Hampshire as a teenager! By 23 I'd have been thrice married, twice divorced, once suspiciously widowed...

* via Huffington Post.

Thanks to a suprisingly good idea by Duncan (whether the opera was surprisingly good or whether it was surprising that Duncan came up with such a good idea is for you to decide!) to see the The Marriage of Figaro performed by Modus Opera (yes, cute name) we had a lovely night at the opera!

The cool thing about this opera company is that their mission is to revitalize opera culture in this country by getting people younger than 150 years old to enjoy the fantastic art form that is opera! $35 tickets help a lot. It was indeed splendid.

Unfortunately this was the best photo I was able to take during the four hour opera:

Look at Jonah, respectfully clapping. Little did I know it was a front...

DAMN THE SIDEKICK!!!!!