I'm not fat! I'm in training to be a sumo wrestler.

Suuuure:

The first thing that clued me into how different sumo in the US is from the sport in Japan was this aggro, blonde dude named Hans Borg (ass facing the camera) who riled up the crowd like a WWF wrestler:

The crowd loved him and couldn't get enough of him lifting his leg and slapping his butt cheek which of course is a normal, subtle warm up tradition in Japan but when done by Hans it was a kinky crowd pleaser.

He won this match...

and actually pointed at his bicep in attribution.

I was grateful he was Norweigian because had he been German his "Heil Hitler" would not have been palatable.

The Half-Time show was special:

The Taiko Drummers were radical:

Clearly this Japanese guy was going to kick ass...little did we know that we were looking at the future winner!!! [So sorry to have spoiled that for you!]:

I can't get this image out of my mind:

And the suspense was building...

...in this second to final match:

Would the Japanese guy move onto the final match?!

Of course he would:

That's what's called a Japanese ass whooping:

And now for the final match to determine the winner of this bizarre sumo league of mostly Eastern Europeans...

Japan vs. Republic of Georgia:

And the Japanese guy pushed the Georgian out of the rink...

To become the Winner!!

And in the most anti-climactic fashion, our Japanese winner and runner up stood there in near silence for what felt like 5 minutes as the announcer was nowhere to be seen nor heard...

Until he made promises of a check for a "large amount"!! What would it be??!! $10,000.

I don't think our Japanese friend understood a word that was spoken.

But thank god he won and didn't shame his entire nation.