I MUST WARN YOU ABOUT THIS MOVIE: Tarnation. You may be able to recover from it and even appreciate the brilliance of its filmmaking but it will break you and reduce you to that person crouched in the corner, shaking and weeping.

On that note, check it out and let's discuss it! That's what my friend Mary Patterson said to me without any of the warnings I was kind enough to give and then when we got done discussing it she said, "I have a Japanese horror movie with me...should we watch that?" She was completely serious and thank god, self-aware enough to proclaim herself, then and there, the Princess of Darkness.

So really, check it out and let's share in this experience together k?! Oh and this post will seem like a hug from a long lost friend.

Look no further for others in the World's Smallest Series: For the World's Smallest Pancake & World's Smallest Hanger.

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Man, oh man, oh man!!! Who's got a new camera??!! Me, me, me!!!

Thanks to my generous, kind and awesome godbrother (apparently these unimaginative adjectives are the best I can do to demonstrate extreme gratitude), I have a new and much improved (albeit a lot bigger) camera!!! He, Hiromi Yoshida, gave me my first camera and many subsequent cameras along the way. For a wedding gift he gave me the following Nikon D50 and I am in love with it. Of course the irony is that had I been able to take a picture of the new camera with the new camera it would look better but anyway...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!*

* This thanks should have come earlier of course as I received the gift last month and have been taking pictures with it ever since but anyway...

Update: This is unfortunately true!

These were sent to me by my darling brother Edward Harner as he knows what an animal lover I am! Anyway, I nor the people I sent these onto have been able to purge them from their minds. Is this real? Is this photoshopped? I personally think these have authenticity stamped all over them...I mean, look at the person, presumably woman standing behind the pooch in her pink slip ons...you can't fake that realness.

Here's to sharing horrorific imagesl!!

Jesus people, it's baby time, isn't it?! It's quite delightful actually, all these cute and weird little beings.

My scrupulous readers will have noticed that a commenter who goes by Yay Dogs (real name = Hannah Cloud Sharpless Graff, we're college buddies) has been suspiciously absent recently. Reason is that she's been birthing...this!

Congratulations to Hannah, John and their families!!!

Congratulations especially to Nathaniel on getting your name into Google at such a young age!! You should be proud and you shall thank me when you're older.

It's weird when a friend confides in you her deep, dark secret and it's that she only allows her hair to get cut underwater.

But this is pretty normal right?

I think the jeans he planted his ass on are his preferred jeans.

For more pooch check out ModernPooch.com!

Thanks to Meg for the photo!

I walked into the ever so pleasant Duane Reade establishment today at 5:34 pm to refill the prescription pictured below when I was told that the pharmacy closed 4 minutes ago.

Ok, I told the lady, I'll just get pregnant then, I chided with her in good humor...I laughed uproariously, she laughed uneasily. I leaned into her space and whispered conspiratorily, "I just won't have sex for a month, just in case." No laughs, no shared moments.

So anyway, my dear readers, is there like a birth control pill black market?? Yasmin...where can I find you?? Yasmin, I need you!!

One can only dream of having these search results for your name:

This could be the oldest thing or the newest thing on the internet...as a newly married woman with my head in the clouds (and in the grand jury room) I feel out-of-the-loop!!

Thanks to Beth Rosenberg for spreading the cheer!

You're in luck.

Here's John Johnson, a renowned horseshoe crab fisherman and his catch of the day...and boy was it delicious, especially the tail:

*Nantucket, MA 09.05

THE KIDNEY-SHAPED STONE THAT MOVES EVERY DAY by HARUKI MURAKAMI.

This event at the 92nd Street Y last night was great. Not only were the participants hilarious but the audience members consisting 98% of old, rich white & Jewish ladies and that reality bumping up against the raunchy, funny talk was priceless. Everytime I laughed the woman to my right would fling her head around to stare incredulously at my profile, aggressively sigh and then gaze at the enormous amount of rocks on her fingers for comfort - and what's obscene?! "That is not true! We don't all tell dirty jokes!" ejaculated one woman seated behind us but when Bob Saget mentioned something about his father's testicles she was in stitches. It's like Matt Stone of South Park said...something like if the rules didn't exist, South Park wouldn't exist...so there it is...

Here's me and my new BFF:

Valentino on Paris Hilton: She is vulgar and she is not even pretty...

Hot damn!

Bon Jovi on Tom Cruise: He's lost it!

Keep it coming you guys! Stay brave. Keep it real.

* via HuffingtonPost.com.

Guy: Yeah!! We're gonna paaaaaartay!!

Girl: Ow, you're hurting me, please let me go.

Rest easy, Duncan and Anne are good friends who've known each other forever so don't worry...she fully indulges Duncan's indiscretions, time and time again...ha ha HA!!!

Yeah, I'm money!!

Sometimes I do naughty things for money (sigh).

* Tom & Jerry Bar on Elizabeth & Houston.

They got the memo:

Not as good as 'How To Make Sucky People Vanish' but we've gotta start somewhere.

* corner of 1st & 1st.

Sigur Ros was great last night at the beauty full Beacon Theater.

This is how we started out.

And this is how animated we got.

My favorite was how they all came out at the end, stood in one line together and bowed and bowed. Very modest and very sweet.

Already world famous for World's Smallest Pancake watch me now step it up with...World's Smallest Hanger!!

Thanks to Annie Maxwell for this generous gift. Don't tell her I know this but the world's smallest hanger can be yours too by getting creative with a paper clip - sssshhh!

* a year or two ago at an EYEBEAM talk.

My feet and my time are certainly worth more but I'm going to go for it!

Update: I'm a Special Narcotics Grand Juror and the only thing that's a bummer is that after serving this time, I won't be called back for 8 years!!

I have been selected to participate in our grand legal system as a grand juror for the next four weeks...count 'em up! FOUR weeks! I am going to be a freakin' lawyer by the end of it! Consider yourselves warned!!!

Of course my instict is to blog the whole thing but even I can rise above my petty needs ok? So I won't live blog the proceedings I'll wait until I get home to spill/blog the beans...ha ha ha ha HA!!

For the difference between a trial juror and a grand juror I suggest googling "difference between trial juror and grand juror" or something similiar to that.

* Nantucket, MA 09.05.

I have a bunch of comic strips written and (roughly) drawn and hope to find someone with a 'wierd and cute' aesthetic who loves to draw, draw, draw!!!

:-)

That smiley face is the extent of my illustration skills.

It feels that way to me these days.

A to A: Very depressing post, Andrea!

A to A: I KNOW!!

A to A: Will you be ok??!!

A to A: I'll have to be...this blog needs me.

Someone's allergic to mosquito bites and the posting of this photo clearly shows how vain she is not!

Thanks skeeters!

Nice:

Oh, we can all assume there's a vampire loose on Nantucket OR if there are any doctors out there, what the hell do you think I was bitten by?!?! It felt like it was 1.5 inches long, half an inch wide with a hard shell...and it took a little pulling to get it off of me...eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!

* Nantucket, MA 09.05

LaGuardia:

JFK:

* Summer '05.

If your husband documented the end of your night and it looked like this, you know it was a rough one.

You also really really hope that all your friends who were a part of the evening suddenly became amnesiac.

Nantucket, MA 09.05.

Jorge Gonzalez, this is disgusting...both what you ordered and your excitement for it.

It took 20 minutes for all the contents to transfer:

Has my vanity gone too far???

I've got more rhetorical questions if you're interested...

Enjoy your Labor Day Weekends, readers!!

Just know that not long after you get back, it's going to be like this:

And Happy Birthday to my mom, Shanghai Annie!!