Andrea Harner
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February 28, 2005

Oscar Party 2005!

How to be good Oscar Party hosts brought to you by Andrea & Jonah:

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*Good viewing. You must use a projector, God's greatest gift to this earth:

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Check out projector power - This really isn't fair of me to put Kathy Griffin up against Sparky just to demonstrate this point:

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The boys always choose Sparky over Kathy:

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*Enough seating. Living room turned home theater with seating for all!

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*Be prepared for that one guest who shows up early and sneaks in a "Reserved VIP" sign!

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Duncan isn't a tenured professor for nothing!

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*Good drinks a aplenty! Jonah is a man of many talents however we found his true calling last night - rum punch maker. Recipe in the spirit of the Open Source movement: Strawberries, oranges, blackberries, mangos, fresh fruit juices, good rum and dry champagne:

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Here's the cutest person in the world sampling his creation. It's still delicious as I drink it now!

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*Appropriate reading material must be assembled and displayed within easy reach for quick conversation starters. The bobble headed Arnold is the special touch that brings it all together:

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*Dress the part. Even if no one else does and you're quickly becoming that delusional friend who thinks she's at the Oscars, you must be true to the glamourous integrity of the Oscars:

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*Betting opportunities. Human beings are competitive and money hungry. Work with that. In the end, no one guessed that it would be such a sweep for Million Dollar Baby! Go Clint!!

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*Let your guest have a crazy eyes moment. Sally Rumble, ladies and gentlemen:

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*In the name of art, harass your too cute guest into picture after picture...Lily Whitall in front of a Cory Arcangel poster:

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End of hosting lesson but continued fun!

It was a little wierd when Sean Penn and Hilary Swank got in that tug of war with the Oscar, wasn't it?

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Hilary, Hilary, Hilary...you did it again!! I didn't know you grew up in a trailer. Was that really you or Mo Cuishle? All I know is that you are: A phenomenal actress. Classy. Solid. Good person - I can tell. Look like a horse but in a beautiful way.

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Johnny Depp is still the hottest...even fuzzy and in wierdo clothing...although...Orlando Bloom, I've caught on to your star quality!!

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Ok, we get it! YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON EARTH.

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Prince was the highlight of the Oscars and is the highlight of this world. He strutted all 5 feet of his fine ass self onto stage in a purple blazer, pink pants and pink heels:

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Now, back to planning for Oscar Party 2006!!



Comments

It seems you and your friends had fun last night. I had forgotten about Oscar. Well, because I got final.

you are always beautiful. :)

Posted by: planic at February 28, 2005 8:49 PM

Bravo! Bravo! (Looking for the Bic lighter...)

Joan and Melissa... it's time to put a fork in you - you're done! Andrea and Jonah performed "The Red Carpet Coup" on you. A perfectly witty summary, and kudos to all in its execution and presentation!

Few surprises last night, but it's about time Morgan won an Oscar. So listen to the Easy Reader from The Electric Company - 'cause knows what he's talkin' 'bout!

Posted by: |mr|Darcy at February 28, 2005 11:45 PM

I saw Million Dollar Baby and just thought it was alright. Whats wrong with me??

Plus, there were so many inconsistencies. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE TURN AWAY NOW!!!!!!

Having read the following comments, I feel like I must insert this preamble: I know its just a movie, but they talk about it like its so freakin great. But, I know its just a movie. Nonetheless, I give you my following petty comments.

For example, she doesn't give her $$ to her family, but then asks Clint to off her. Well, hello, under every state law I know, without no will (and they didn't show her writing one) her family is gonna get all the cash anyway. So that big fat momma is getting everything.

Moreover, how trite. Trailer park, fat momma, unwed sister with baby, brother out of jail, lawyer in tacky suit trying to get papers signed without a notary (thereby rendering them unenforceable). Even the final girl fight, what a joke. Didn't want to make her black, so they make her german with Corn Rows!!! YOU MUST BE KIDDING, BUT I'M NOT, ITS TRUE.

I love Hillary commenting on how bad Rocky was choreographed ("The punches didn't look real and they didn't even raise their hands to block")
PPPPPPLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEE.
These fights were ridiculous. Little white girl masters boxing, cause she works so much harder then all others. Fights don't even last one round. And I won't even comment on how absurd the final fight was.

OK, Who the hell goes a year without knowing what is written on your Robe?

What was that bullshit about his daughter. Who cares if she doesn't answer him, do they have to rub it in our faces every ten minutes. Have one scene explaining the fact and get on with the movie!!

Hypocracy: Go to church every day/week whatever, and then snuff her out.

Medical knowledge:

Ever disconnect a ventilator? Every alarm known to mankind goes off.

Hello, the sequel is Clint in Jail for murder, fighting his way out of the shower (as it would take the authorities about 15 minutes to figure out what happened). I'd pay $9 to see that!!!

I apologize for being petty, but i needed to get it out. Overall, i liked the movie, but Best Picture??

Eternal Sunshine was soooo much better.

Posted by: BOB at March 2, 2005 8:45 AM

Andrea...looks like you guys had a nice time...you were lovely as always.
Jonah...seriously...how much dope do you smoke daily? I've never seen a photo of you without seriously glazed/red eyes? :) just playin. glad you guys had a fun night.

Posted by: jomama at March 3, 2005 3:21 PM

I personally heard talk of Oscar parties on t.v. and my thoughts were WTF? I am SO not going to make a big deal out of the Oscars. T.V. hype has already gotten me into Football parties, Nascar parties, not to mention all of the holiday mania!

But you made it sound fun. I especially liked the punch and the arrangements of books for conversation starters.

Jonah is a cutie. And so are you; you two make a perfect fit.

And Bob, I liked your comment because I learned long ago to stay away from anything Clint Eastwood directed and the "daughter not talking to her father and that not being explained but yet still thrown in your face constantly" thing is the perfect example of why.

I am sure that he is a very wonderful man to work for. I like how he doesn't let anyone yell "Cut!" and respects the actors and will give an interviewer the hairy eyeball if they delve into his personal life too much, but I haven't watched any work of his since Unforgiven, which I hated.

Posted by: Minla at March 3, 2005 9:27 PM

oh man, I hated Unforgiven too.

Posted by: BOB at March 4, 2005 1:04 PM

I love Prince, too, but why couldn't he pronounce the award-winning song's name properly? Why did he have to put an "r" in "lado" and make it "ladro"? Why?

I suppose I don't really care, though, after all, since the song -- and its performance (overdone by an oily Antonio Banderas and grimacing-for-no-reason Carlos Santana, and then again, sorta, by the song's writer upon accepting the award) -- was muy terrible.

Great coverage, Andrea Harner. You look gorgeous, as always.

Posted by: Jodi at March 5, 2005 6:52 PM
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