So Kerry speaks fluent French and used to give interviews in French. That is, until Republicans, true to themselves, insinuated that Kerry was too Continental. So what does Kerry do, to salvage any hope that the fine Americans out there who may actually be influenced by Republicans, might come around to voting for him? He stops speaking French.

A perplexed Alain de Chalvron, Washington bureau chief for France 2, the French equivalent of the BBC mused, "For us, to speak any other language and have an open view of the world, for a President, should be a plus."

Well you know what Monsieur Fancy Pants?? Not for us Americans! We need them dumb as...our current President! Yeah! The levels of intellect and thoughtfulness are just about right!!

Thanks anyway for your thoughts and please don't hesitate to drop off more suggestions in the shredder on your way out! Ouch!

The New Yorker, April 19 & 26, 2004, Talk of the Town, Pardon?

Republicans, thank you for the precedent you have set. I am deeply satisfied with the image represented by and actions taken by our current President. Thank you.